Not here! There...!

In case you are wondering, "Whatever happened to Fran (aka YouGottaWonder)?" I have been blogging at FGHart.com. Please stop by and check it out. I'd love to hear from you.

Thanks,
Fran

Not here! There...!

In case you are wondering, "Whatever happened to Fran (aka YouGottaWonder)?" I have been blogging at FGHart.com. Please stop by and check it out. I'd love to hear from you.

Thanks,
Fran

Desire

Taylor’s hand stroked the fender with a gentle, loving caress. The car, with sleek lines and curves like a woman’s body, sat low and lean in the showroom. An almost sexual longing stirred within him.

This Porsche Carrera GT, so beautiful, luxurious and powerful, wanted him also; he knew this to be true. He cupped the smooth body, tilting his head, considering the sticker adhered to the window. She was fast and tight, with six-speed manual transmission, redlining at 8400 rpm and a top speed of just over 300 mph.

He turned away, sighing, his desires unfulfilled. Maybe someday.

This post was inspired by velvetverbosity.com 100 word challenge: "sleek"

Lent is a time for change

I am in the middle of an epic internal conflict, wringing my hands and crying, “What to do? What to do?”

Why the drama? My last two Lenten reflections left me looking through the glass darkly, wondering what’s in store for me. I’m determined to follow Jesus, to not be one of those who shrug and turn away, sorrowful but unwilling to let go of the things I know in favor of the things that could be.

This week I’ve been on Spring Break vacation but work demands have mired me in a sea of angst as I’ve struggled with some personnel challenges. This is not an enjoyable part of my role. It is not spiritually rewarding. Employment as a whole though, I must admit, is financially rewarding. It is nice to have income. As much as I dream of making a living through other means, I do not think any of the alternatives I have in mind would be nearly as lucrative.

Ah, lucre, the money…. Is that what I’ve become? A lover of money? No one in scripture who loves money is able to give themselves wholly to Christ. It is easier to wedge a camel through the eye of a needle, right? Am I clinging to employment as a way of avoiding the risk of discipleship? Can I be a disciple while remaining in my current role?

Today I took a leap of faith and paid for 3 years worth of a new domain: FGHart.com. Now I face the challenge of setting it up and putting it to good use. I’m praying for God to grant me singleness of mind and faithful obedience to His will. (2 Chronicles 30:12)

Fate

“You’ve had ample warning. Are your things in order?”

“Yes. No! I….”

“What?”

“Nothing. It’s just….”

“What? It’s time to go.”

“Is there another way?”

“We’ve done it this way for generations. It’s too late to complain about your lot. You’ve known this was coming. Why are you acting as though it’s a surprise for you?”

“It’s not that. It’s....”

“I know, I know. You put off thinking about it. Now it’s time and you’re not ready. Well you’re going, ready or not. Nothing you say or do will affect your fate. The die is cast. Your fate sealed.”

This post is inspired by velvetverbosity.com 100 word challenge. This week's word: "Ample".

Lent is a time to repent and heed God's call

We are all called to repent and we are called to follow Jesus. When we repent, first we (probably) feel guilt or remorse for our misdeeds, then (ideally) we turn away from the “bad” behavior and move towards more noble pursuits.

I’m reminded of two encounters recorded in the Gospels. In one (Matthew 19, Mark 10, Luke 18), Jesus encounters a “good” man. This man, a successful leader in his community, runs up to Jesus, falls on his knees and says, “Good teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?”

Jesus points out that only God is good. Then, he asks the man if he knows the Commandments.

The man responds, “Of course! I know the commandments and I always obey them! I have since I was a child.”

Jesus looked at him and loved him. He said, “That’s great! There’s only one thing left for you to do. You must sell everything you own and give the proceeds to the poor. Then, follow me.”

The man’s face fell and he went away sad, because he had many possessions. He turned away from Jesus; he walked away from what he was called to do.

In a separate encounter (Matthew 9, Mark 2, Luke 5), Jesus met a Tax Collector. With the label “Tax Collector” we know he must have been considered a “bad” man. Jesus came by the tax booth (where the man was sitting) and said, “Follow me.”

The man got up, left everything and followed Jesus.

Later Jesus declared, “I have not called the righteous, but the sinners to repentance.” So, if only God is righteous then we can conclude we fall into the category of those called to repentance.

Lent is a time of reflection and repentance. It is a time for considering that which separates us from God and, once identified, turning away from those things and turning toward Him, leaving everything to follow Jesus.

A friend of mine pointed out that my personal struggle with managing time is an opportunity for me. For Lent, she suggested, I should turn away from the clock, from unanswered e-mails, dirty dishes, laundry and other demands in order to spend time in prayerful meditation, devotion and worship. More specifically, I am devoting more intentional time pursuing God's call for me.

Q: What are you doing for Lent?

Lenten considerations

Jesus told his disciples, I am the Bread of Life; whoever eats of my flesh and drinks of my blood will have eternal life. This startling disclosure came shortly after the miraculous feeding of five thousand with five loaves of barley bread and two small fish. The crowd of people gathered there called him a prophet and wanted to make him king.

Jesus withdrew from the crowd, walking on rough waters to join his Twelve disciples in boat crossing the Sea of Galilee to Capernaum. At the synagogue Capernaum the crowd caught up with him.

Jesus told them, “Don’t work for food that spoils but for food that endures to eternal life, food that the Son of Man will give you.”

They responded, “What should we do to perform God’s works?”

Jesus answered, “To believe in the one He has sent.”

So they asked, “What sign will you give so that we can believe you? After all, our ancestors ate manna during their wilderness wanderings, as it is written ‘He gave them bread from heaven to eat.’”

Jesus clarified, “It isn’t Moses who gives bread from heaven, but my Father who now offers you the true bread from heaven, giving life to the world.”

They said, “Always give us this bread.”

Then Jesus declared, “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never hunger or thirst. Though you’ve seen me in action, you still don’t believe. Everyone the Father gives me will come to me and I will never drive them away, for I have come to do His will. This is the will of the one who sent me; that I shall lose none that he has given me but raise them up at the last day. My Father’s will is that everyone who looks at the Son and believes in him shall have eternal life and I will raise them up at the last day.

Jesus’ followers, devoted though they were, found this claim hard to swallow.

Jesus reiterated his promise of eternal life four more times and the people continued to grumble. He then spelled out the promise which is a core tenant of Christian faith. He told them, “Eat my flesh, drink my blood – the true food and drink, the true bread that came down from heaven, the source of eternal life.”

Many of his disciples turned away in response to this difficult message. He asked the Twelve, “Don’t you want to leave also?”

Simon Peter responded, “Where would we go? You offer the words of eternal life. We have come to know you are the Holy One of God.”

As a disciple of Jesus Christ we are called not just to follow him but to not turn away from him when we face the challenges put before us. Lent is a time of discipline and quiet introspection. Don’t turn away from the challenges of life, but embrace those challenges. Remain steadfast. God is calling you to eternal life.

Grace

Sitting on a park bench,
Enjoying the sunshine,
Listening to the sound of birds chattering and calling to one another,
Breathing in the fresh, heady scent of Spring blossoms;
Eyes closed, face tilted up, the corners of my mouth lifted in a smile.

My smile of contentment reveals the peace I feel,
But it doesn’t tell the whole story.
I am filled with wonder; I am filled with joy.
God’s gratuitous grace abounds.

In this mid-morning reprieve the day pauses in suspense,
Like an inhaled breath, like my life,
Waiting for me to exhale,
To step forward in faith.

(Inspired by VelvetVerbosity.com 100 word challenge: "Gratuitous")

Final round

“Don’t, Bobby. I’m frightened,” she said, but he ignored her. She whispered her fear, knowing even shouts and screams would be ignored. They’d played this game before.

He spun the cylinder with a glancing blow, hand flat against the revolver. One bullet and five holes quickly whirring, coming to a stop faster than any wheel of fortune should.

She heard the hammer click. She felt the barrel’s cool steel against her temple. She sensed the pressure of his finger squeezing the trigger. She met her end.

Bobby reloaded, this time filling every hole. Now it was his turn.

(Inspired by VelvetVerbosity.com 100 word challenge: "Frightened")

Understatement

“I have a small obsession with owls,” she confessed, ushering me into her home.

I’d already noted her sweater (owls knitted into the rib pattern with buttons stitched on for eyes) and jewelry (small, copper owl pendants with tiny turquoise eyes).

Yet nothing prepared me for the onslaught of sights and sounds pervading my client’s house: a large oil painting on the wall facing the front door, a throw rug covering the entry’s tiled floor, a stuffed bird poised on a small table to my right, a hooting soundtrack adding ambiance. On and on, owls everywhere!

“Indeed,” I responded.

(Inspired by VelvetVerbosity.com 100 word challenge: "Obsession")

(This particular entry is also inspired by the darling and delightful @PettyMagic, Camille DeAngelis)

The Bottom Line

“Look at how she engages the little ones,” I said.

Principal Hodges and I watched two members of our assessment staff working with the Special Needs class.

“Yes, Sue’s remarkable,” he commented without expression. “Joe’s good, too.”

Joe, our speech therapist, sat cross-legged on the floor in front of a 4-year-old boy. Joe patiently cycled through flash cards, naming the colors and items shown on each card, highlighting the phonetics, carefully annunciating and encouraging the small boy to do the same.

We exited together, Hodges grim but resolute. The State mandated budget cuts; one position must go.


(Inspired by VelvetVerbosity.com 100 word challenge: "Engages")

Naturally

Jessie and I hadn’t spoken since the argument before our mother’s funeral.

“It’s ridiculous!” Jessie’s concern was more for her own reputation than our recently deceased mother’s.

“Of course it’s ridiculous, but it’s Mother’s last wish. I have to honor her request.”

“Which makes you ridiculous. I’m not coming to the funeral. I want no part of this.”

So Mother was buried in her pajamas, bathrobe and slippers.

Now, five years down the road, Jessie made sure I’d honor her wishes. She’d specified her burial attire in her will, as well as the wording for her tombstone: “Au Naturel”


This is a response to the 100 word challenge put forth by Velvet Verbosity. "Honor"

Regrets

I’d have told anyone who asked it was harmless. The ads and posters touting the dangers had nothing to do with me. I was fifteen.

From my first drag I was addicted. A pack of cigarettes cost less than a dollar. Smoking bans were barely a twinkle in some legislator’s eye. I sat in a restaurant and drew in the poison. I exhaled slowly, watching the smoke rise, loving the new me. On that day I became a smoker.

Forty years later I sit in the stink, stains and ashes that cover my life, wishing I’d heeded the warnings.

This is a response to the 100 word challenge put forth by Velvet Verbosity.

Mystery Dance

When I arrived at the scene no one seemed interested in checking my credentials so I kept my wallet in the pocket of my coat.

As more officers, the coroner and the detective in charge arrived they focused on the corpse; no one gave me a second glance. I remained in the background, observing and considering my options. My only lead, now a dead end, pale and still against a colorful palette of fallen leaves.

The body, daylight and my last hope disappeared about the same time. I humbly approached the detective seeking pity and a possible clue.

This is a response to the 100 word challenge put forth by Velvet Verbosity.

According to one who knows

Mary waited patiently while her friend’s sobs subsided. She patted her back and rubbed her shoulders, making soothing noises and saying things like “there, there.” After a while, Sue’s breathing slowed, with only the occasional hiccup breaking through as she regained her composure.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do,” Sue said. “How can I go on?”

“Don’t worry, honey. You’ll be fine. No matter what anyone else tells you, you can take it from me. You know I’ve got the credentials: three attorneys and seven ex-husbands. There most certainly is life after divorce.”

This is a response to the 100 word challenge put forth by Velvet Verbosity.

Waiting

Margaret sits in the waiting room, alone with her thoughts. The events of this morning, looping in her mind like a tragic news clip, solely hers to witness.

“Mama! I’m imbisible!”

With less than a second’s consideration she’d responded, “You mean ‘invincible’.”

“Yeah!” said her son, her precious dare-devil, only child, wearing last Halloween’s superman costume, now too small, with torn elbows and shredded knees. “I’m IN-VINCIBLE!” pronounced so carefully.

With a shout he was off again. She was grateful for the opportunity to focus on her work.

Now, guilt infuses her waiting. Five year olds are not invincible.

This 100 word challenge post.

A Tale About Trolls

Once upon a time, in a land that might or might not be far, far away, there lived a troll. This troll, like any troll, had "issues", not the least of which is her overwhelming anger. Sure she had friends she could growl with, but it wasn't enough to satisfy the pain in her heart.

One day she happened to find the house of someone she could hate. She knew a little bit about this person and it was enough. She settled in under their porch and prepared herself for a good time.

She anticipated so much fun she invited over some friends. They took turns leaving angry, nasty comments for the homeowner to find. But something went horribly wrong for them. For two weeks, nothing happened! They felt neither rewarded nor relieved.

The troll soon realized the homeowner's sister's address was posted proudly on the wall so she crept over and hid under the unsuspecting sister's porch. What the troll didn't seem to realize was that the sister's home welcomes anyone exploring their faith or (and this is the good part) for anyone looking to learn from the many mistakes she made in raising her children.

The troll spent some time exploring the home, and maybe she thought she had all the ammunition she needed when she launched her first round. But alas, shouting recriminations about poor parenting skills or poking at her faith...it made the sister chuckle.

"Why 'yes'!" the sister admitted, "You're right! I'm not perfect, by far. I've made many mistakes. I've wept many a tear and I've learned a lot. I've grown stronger but more importantly I've grown closer to God. Through my trials I've developed a deeper faith. Please, come in and stay a while. I'd like to hear more about your experiences. You're welcome any time you want; I love to talk about my faith. You don't have to agree with me. I appreciate the company and the opportunity to explore and share!"

I'm not sure how this story ends. You tell me....

Dear Lord, I pray for people who feel the need to criticize and be negative in a world already filled with pain and sorrow. Bless us as we strive to do our best, by Your grace. Help us all to love one another as You have commanded us. Amen.

The Board

Rodie takes a deep breath, steeling himself for the climb. One foot after the other, one rung at a time, he ascends. At the top he steps forward. A skinny boy in bright trunks, he moves cautiously between rails. Past the rails, he takes five steps to the board’s end. He draws another deep breath, looking down….

Today Rodie stands in a cold room, recalling the day he stood 3 meters above the community pool and conquered fear that stabbed through him like a knife. He turns to the seven men sitting before him, breathes deeply and smiles.

This was *intended* to be a submission to Velvet Verbosity's 100 Word challenge for this week but I appear to be off-cadence. Alas. Maybe next time.

Three Words for 2011 (and insight into how my mind works)

Sure, I'd heard a bit of the buzz...but amidst all of the noise and fanfare of the incoming new year I'd not stopped to discern just what was that buzzing noise I was hearing about "3 words". Then a friend e-mailed me and mentioned her own pursuit of the 3 words that would be her focus for 2011 so I finally stopped and listened.

I read Chris Brogen's post on the subject. I read the three words chosen by him and by others (in Chris' comments and here and here). I sent Chris Brogen's link to my staff and challenged them to come up with their own 3 words and to make sure their goals supported their 3 words. But I still couldn't seem to come up with my own three words. My thinking went something like this:

"Focus" should be one of the words because I really need to stay focused, but that seems silly because the words are supposed to be the focus. I can't focus on focus. What would be my goals? Be less ADD? Sit still for at least 5 minutes before succumbing to interruption and distraction?

"Faith" doesn't need to be one of the words because I'm blessed with a deep, abiding faith these days (although Lord knows it is often tested).

Maybe "Boundaries" should be on the list. I tend to work way too many hours and not leave enough time for the things (and people) I love. Really it's a matter of "balance". Yes, "balance" should be one of the words. I can measure my days and assess how well I'm maintaining balance. My to-do lists, my calendar, my e-mail all reflect the balance (or lack thereof) in my life.

But what else? Maybe "focus". I don't stay focused very well. But I've already considered & discarded that one. Hmmm.

"Discern"? I often pray for discernment, so that I can know God's will. "Obey"? Once I feel guided, am I obedient? "Act"? Do I act according to God's desires for me? Do I understand God's purpose and plan for me? Do I follow where he leads me?

All through the day yesterday and today I wrestled with distilling all of this down to three words. Three little words (or big words) that will have meaning for me. Three words that will help me stay focused on my goals. Three words that are better than any meaningless resolution. I tried on other people's words but nothing seemed to fit.

Meanwhile, on the radio, on the internet, at church, amongst friends I keep hearing talk of change. It's that time of year. But I don't really want change per se. I just want to stay focused on the things that matter.

Finally, Micah 6:8 resonated from the pages of the chronological Bible I'm reading. God has shown me what he requires of me: to act justly, to love mercy and to walk humbly with God.

So after spending a little more time thinking about the words that will help me stay focused on what God wants of me, here's my list:

Prudence, Mercy, Humility

Prudence = the characteristic of exercising sound judgment in practical affairs; act justly.

Mercy = a disposition to be kind and forgiving; compassionate treatment of others; a blessing

Humility = the quality of being modest, reverential, never rude or self-abasing; temperance (restraint against inordinate desires or appetites).

So, yes, some change will be required. Ultimately I think these 3 words capture a life of discernment and obedience with the necessary element of humility ... which will honestly require the greatest effort of the three.

May God bless me this year. May God bless us all.

What are your three words?

Petty Magic, by Camille DeAngelis

If you're in the mood for a little enchantment, I encourage you to read Petty Magic by Camille DeAngelis. This book has it all: romance, espionage, travel, intrigue and a dash of magic.

Eve, the 149 year old protagonist, has the (perhaps) enviable ability to shed the effects of her advanced years and step out on the town with the vigor and visage of her youth. This, like most of the magic she practices, appears to be of the "no harm, no foul" variety. But alas, it's impossible to carry on such fun without risk and eventually her series of one-night-stands leads her to the charms of Justin - a young man reminiscent of someone from her past. With Justin, everything changes.

Jonah, her one true love was killed in the line of duty while they were serving together behind enemy lines during World War II. Now, all these years later, she falls in love again. Could Justin somehow be Jonah? They seem to share so many traits. Eve struggles with her feelings for Justin and her memories of Jonah, as well as the reality of her May/December romance.

Woven through the love story are tales of mysterious disappearances, murder and politics which plague the secret society of beldames and their beloved mortal men.

The memoirs and confessions of Miss Evelyn Harbinger, Temptress and Troublemaker, as told by Camille DeAngelis, is sure to charm and delight.


I would like to pass along my delight by sending a copy of this book (value = $24) to the winner of a random drawing. But some magic is necessary: 10 readers must comment on this post, then a winner will be selected.

WE HAVE A WINNER! Kathryn, please claim your prize! Send your mailing address to hartfg*at*gmail.com