Thursday, March 26, 2009

Thirst for Wisdom

"Whoever trusts in his riches will fall, but the righteous will thrive like a green leaf."
Proverbs 11:28

In these days of uncertainty, our faith is tried. I don't know about you but my 401K is a 200.5K - suffering mightily from the market downturn. But I am so blessed in my immediate wealth. God has given me more than I ever imagined. It is so easy to take on the responsibility of fretting about our future. I'm glad that is not a yoke I'm tempted to bear. I am not watching the market. I am not weeping, wailing or gnashing my teeth. These words of wisdom from Proverbs certainly help me feel justified in my disinterest.

But am I righteous?

"For we will be counted as righteous when we obey all the commands the Lord our God has given us." Deuteronomy 6:25

Ah! There's a sticking point. Am I obedient? I certainly try, but I've been struggling with God's desire for me to write. This week marks the 1 year anniversary of the death of my last novel. I'd written all of 3 pages, then I left for a business trip to China. The only copy of the novel was on a traveling USB storage device ("key"). Let us pause for a moment to respect my mourning....the file was unrecoverable..... My 2nd attempt at a "great American novel" was gone. It died a premature death. I wept bitterly.

The journey since then has been fascinating (at least to me). And here I am. Journaling about my journey through life. My search for deeper faith, deeper understanding and a deeper, more intimate relationship with our Father. Seeking words of wisdom.
"But wisdom is shown to be right by the lives of those who follow it." Luke 7:35

So, I am not going to worry about money, I am going to focus on being obedient (righteous). If God wants me to write, I will write and I will quit fretting about "why?" and "for whom?" and even "what?" I will write. The proof of the wisdom of my actions will be seen when we look back, even if it can't be seen now.

Please pray for me. I am unreasonably afraid. This fear is not something God can address. I have to overcome this fear to demonstrate my faith. If I were afraid of something "real" of this world, I could turn it over to God. God can give me strength, yes. But this demon, this fear is mine to overcome - and I will be its master.

Please pray for me. I am not operating in a realm of comfort. I am not able to look back on my track record and presume competence. I have nothing but my faith to push me down the path. And the voice that whispers (and sometimes shouts) when I am still and quiet. "Write. Trust Me."

And yet, I hesitate.

Please pray for me.


dallasdiva said...

You have a gift. You are totally amazing. I love you. Now Write!!

Heidi said...

My very good friend said to me a few days ago, "You can do this." I'll say it to you too. You can do this.

Anonymous said...

"This fear is not something God can address."

Not. All you have to do is ask Him. Stubborness.

I was in a meeting recently. One of the panel members said "do what you fear". I'm taking that message to heart or as meant for me. And I pass it on to you. Barbara

you gotta wonder said...

Diva, Thank you, always.

Heidi, I sooo appreciate your support.

Barbara, you got me good. I realized after this post that my prayer must shift to a direct request for help in overcoming the fear of things imagined.

Thank you all! Your support means more to me than you can imagine.