A Mother's Angst

Not here! There...!

2011-07-31T07:56:00.004-05:00

In case you are wondering, "Whatever happened to Fran (aka YouGottaWonder)?" I have been blogging at FGHart.com. Please stop by and check it out. I'd love to hear from you.

Thanks,
Fran

Not here! There...!

2011-07-31T07:56:00.003-05:00

In case you are wondering, "Whatever happened to Fran (aka YouGottaWonder)?" I have been blogging at FGHart.com. Please stop by and check it out. I'd love to hear from you.

Thanks,
Fran

Desire

2011-03-18T17:53:00.004-05:00

Taylor’s hand stroked the fender with a gentle, loving caress. The car, with sleek lines and curves like a woman’s body, sat low and lean in the showroom. An almost sexual longing stirred within him.

This Porsche Carrera GT, so beautiful, luxurious and powerful, wanted him also; he knew this to be true. He cupped the smooth body, tilting his head, considering the sticker adhered to the window. She was fast and tight, with six-speed manual transmission, redlining at 8400 rpm and a top speed of just over 300 mph.

He turned away, sighing, his desires unfulfilled. Maybe someday.

This post was inspired by velvetverbosity.com 100 word challenge: "sleek"

Lent is a time for change

2011-03-16T20:25:00.002-05:00

I am in the middle of an epic internal conflict, wringing my hands and crying, “What to do? What to do?”

Why the drama? My last two Lenten reflections left me looking through the glass darkly, wondering what’s in store for me. I’m determined to follow Jesus, to not be one of those who shrug and turn away, sorrowful but unwilling to let go of the things I know in favor of the things that could be.

This week I’ve been on Spring Break vacation but work demands have mired me in a sea of angst as I’ve struggled with some personnel challenges. This is not an enjoyable part of my role. It is not spiritually rewarding. Employment as a whole though, I must admit, is financially rewarding. It is nice to have income. As much as I dream of making a living through other means, I do not think any of the alternatives I have in mind would be nearly as lucrative.

Ah, lucre, the money…. Is that what I’ve become? A lover of money? No one in scripture who loves money is able to give themselves wholly to Christ. It is easier to wedge a camel through the eye of a needle, right? Am I clinging to employment as a way of avoiding the risk of discipleship? Can I be a disciple while remaining in my current role?

Today I took a leap of faith and paid for 3 years worth of a new domain: FGHart.com. Now I face the challenge of setting it up and putting it to good use. I’m praying for God to grant me singleness of mind and faithful obedience to His will. (2 Chronicles 30:12)

Fate

2011-03-13T20:08:00.004-05:00

“You’ve had ample warning. Are your things in order?”

“Yes. No! I….”

“What?”

“Nothing. It’s just….”

“What? It’s time to go.”

“Is there another way?”

“We’ve done it this way for generations. It’s too late to complain about your lot. You’ve known this was coming. Why are you acting as though it’s a surprise for you?”

“It’s not that. It’s....”

“I know, I know. You put off thinking about it. Now it’s time and you’re not ready. Well you’re going, ready or not. Nothing you say or do will affect your fate. The die is cast. Your fate sealed.”

This post is inspired by velvetverbosity.com 100 word challenge. This week's word: "Ample".

Lent is a time to repent and heed God's call

2011-03-13T07:03:00.005-05:00

We are all called to repent and we are called to follow Jesus. When we repent, first we (probably) feel guilt or remorse for our misdeeds, then (ideally) we turn away from the “bad” behavior and move towards more noble pursuits.

I’m reminded of two encounters recorded in the Gospels. In one (Matthew 19, Mark 10, Luke 18), Jesus encounters a “good” man. This man, a successful leader in his community, runs up to Jesus, falls on his knees and says, “Good teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?”

Jesus points out that only God is good. Then, he asks the man if he knows the Commandments.

The man responds, “Of course! I know the commandments and I always obey them! I have since I was a child.”

Jesus looked at him and loved him. He said, “That’s great! There’s only one thing left for you to do. You must sell everything you own and give the proceeds to the poor. Then, follow me.”

The man’s face fell and he went away sad, because he had many possessions. He turned away from Jesus; he walked away from what he was called to do.

In a separate encounter (Matthew 9, Mark 2, Luke 5), Jesus met a Tax Collector. With the label “Tax Collector” we know he must have been considered a “bad” man. Jesus came by the tax booth (where the man was sitting) and said, “Follow me.”

The man got up, left everything and followed Jesus.

Later Jesus declared, “I have not called the righteous, but the sinners to repentance.” So, if only God is righteous then we can conclude we fall into the category of those called to repentance.

Lent is a time of reflection and repentance. It is a time for considering that which separates us from God and, once identified, turning away from those things and turning toward Him, leaving everything to follow Jesus.

A friend of mine pointed out that my personal struggle with managing time is an opportunity for me. For Lent, she suggested, I should turn away from the clock, from unanswered e-mails, dirty dishes, laundry and other demands in order to spend time in prayerful meditation, devotion and worship. More specifically, I am devoting more intentional time pursuing God's call for me.

Q: What are you doing for Lent?

Lenten considerations

2011-03-09T21:12:00.004-06:00

Jesus told his disciples, I am the Bread of Life; whoever eats of my flesh and drinks of my blood will have eternal life. This startling disclosure came shortly after the miraculous feeding of five thousand with five loaves of barley bread and two small fish. The crowd of people gathered there called him a prophet and wanted to make him king.

Jesus withdrew from the crowd, walking on rough waters to join his Twelve disciples in boat crossing the Sea of Galilee to Capernaum. At the synagogue Capernaum the crowd caught up with him.

Jesus told them, “Don’t work for food that spoils but for food that endures to eternal life, food that the Son of Man will give you.”

They responded, “What should we do to perform God’s works?”

Jesus answered, “To believe in the one He has sent.”

So they asked, “What sign will you give so that we can believe you? After all, our ancestors ate manna during their wilderness wanderings, as it is written ‘He gave them bread from heaven to eat.’”

Jesus clarified, “It isn’t Moses who gives bread from heaven, but my Father who now offers you the true bread from heaven, giving life to the world.”

They said, “Always give us this bread.”

Then Jesus declared, “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never hunger or thirst. Though you’ve seen me in action, you still don’t believe. Everyone the Father gives me will come to me and I will never drive them away, for I have come to do His will. This is the will of the one who sent me; that I shall lose none that he has given me but raise them up at the last day. My Father’s will is that everyone who looks at the Son and believes in him shall have eternal life and I will raise them up at the last day.

Jesus’ followers, devoted though they were, found this claim hard to swallow.

Jesus reiterated his promise of eternal life four more times and the people continued to grumble. He then spelled out the promise which is a core tenant of Christian faith. He told them, “Eat my flesh, drink my blood – the true food and drink, the true bread that came down from heaven, the source of eternal life.”

Many of his disciples turned away in response to this difficult message. He asked the Twelve, “Don’t you want to leave also?”

Simon Peter responded, “Where would we go? You offer the words of eternal life. We have come to know you are the Holy One of God.”

As a disciple of Jesus Christ we are called not just to follow him but to not turn away from him when we face the challenges put before us. Lent is a time of discipline and quiet introspection. Don’t turn away from the challenges of life, but embrace those challenges. Remain steadfast. God is calling you to eternal life.

Grace

2011-03-03T16:19:00.002-06:00

Sitting on a park bench,
Enjoying the sunshine,
Listening to the sound of birds chattering and calling to one another,
Breathing in the fresh, heady scent of Spring blossoms;
Eyes closed, face tilted up, the corners of my mouth lifted in a smile.

My smile of contentment reveals the peace I feel,
But it doesn’t tell the whole story.
I am filled with wonder; I am filled with joy.
God’s gratuitous grace abounds.

In this mid-morning reprieve the day pauses in suspense,
Like an inhaled breath, like my life,
Waiting for me to exhale,
To step forward in faith.

(Inspired by VelvetVerbosity.com 100 word challenge: "Gratuitous")

Final round

2011-02-24T19:19:00.004-06:00

“Don’t, Bobby. I’m frightened,” she said, but he ignored her. She whispered her fear, knowing even shouts and screams would be ignored. They’d played this game before.

He spun the cylinder with a glancing blow, hand flat against the revolver. One bullet and five holes quickly whirring, coming to a stop faster than any wheel of fortune should.

She heard the hammer click. She felt the barrel’s cool steel against her temple. She sensed the pressure of his finger squeezing the trigger. She met her end.

Bobby reloaded, this time filling every hole. Now it was his turn.

(Inspired by VelvetVerbosity.com 100 word challenge: "Frightened")

Understatement

2011-02-17T07:26:00.002-06:00

“I have a small obsession with owls,” she confessed, ushering me into her home.

I’d already noted her sweater (owls knitted into the rib pattern with buttons stitched on for eyes) and jewelry (small, copper owl pendants with tiny turquoise eyes).

Yet nothing prepared me for the onslaught of sights and sounds pervading my client’s house: a large oil painting on the wall facing the front door, a throw rug covering the entry’s tiled floor, a stuffed bird poised on a small table to my right, a hooting soundtrack adding ambiance. On and on, owls everywhere!

“Indeed,” I responded.

(Inspired by VelvetVerbosity.com 100 word challenge: "Obsession")

(This particular entry is also inspired by the darling and delightful @PettyMagic, Camille DeAngelis)

The Bottom Line

2011-02-15T07:53:00.001-06:00

“Look at how she engages the little ones,” I said.

Principal Hodges and I watched two members of our assessment staff working with the Special Needs class.

“Yes, Sue’s remarkable,” he commented without expression. “Joe’s good, too.”

Joe, our speech therapist, sat cross-legged on the floor in front of a 4-year-old boy. Joe patiently cycled through flash cards, naming the colors and items shown on each card, highlighting the phonetics, carefully annunciating and encouraging the small boy to do the same.

We exited together, Hodges grim but resolute. The State mandated budget cuts; one position must go.

(Inspired by VelvetVerbosity.com 100 word challenge: "Engages")

Naturally

2011-02-09T16:03:00.002-06:00

Jessie and I hadn’t spoken since the argument before our mother’s funeral.

“It’s ridiculous!” Jessie’s concern was more for her own reputation than our recently deceased mother’s.

“Of course it’s ridiculous, but it’s Mother’s last wish. I have to honor her request.”

“Which makes you ridiculous. I’m not coming to the funeral. I want no part of this.”

So Mother was buried in her pajamas, bathrobe and slippers.

Now, five years down the road, Jessie made sure I’d honor her wishes. She’d specified her burial attire in her will, as well as the wording for her tombstone: “Au Naturel”

This is a response to the 100 word challenge put forth by Velvet Verbosity. "Honor"

Regrets

2011-01-29T07:47:00.002-06:00

I’d have told anyone who asked it was harmless. The ads and posters touting the dangers had nothing to do with me. I was fifteen.

From my first drag I was addicted. A pack of cigarettes cost less than a dollar. Smoking bans were barely a twinkle in some legislator’s eye. I sat in a restaurant and drew in the poison. I exhaled slowly, watching the smoke rise, loving the new me. On that day I became a smoker.

Forty years later I sit in the stink, stains and ashes that cover my life, wishing I’d heeded the warnings.

This is a response to the 100 word challenge put forth by Velvet Verbosity.

Mystery Dance

2011-01-23T14:03:00.002-06:00

When I arrived at the scene no one seemed interested in checking my credentials so I kept my wallet in the pocket of my coat.

As more officers, the coroner and the detective in charge arrived they focused on the corpse; no one gave me a second glance. I remained in the background, observing and considering my options. My only lead, now a dead end, pale and still against a colorful palette of fallen leaves.

The body, daylight and my last hope disappeared about the same time. I humbly approached the detective seeking pity and a possible clue.

This is a response to the 100 word challenge put forth by Velvet Verbosity.

According to one who knows

2011-01-23T13:43:00.002-06:00

Mary waited patiently while her friend’s sobs subsided. She patted her back and rubbed her shoulders, making soothing noises and saying things like “there, there.” After a while, Sue’s breathing slowed, with only the occasional hiccup breaking through as she regained her composure.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do,” Sue said. “How can I go on?”

“Don’t worry, honey. You’ll be fine. No matter what anyone else tells you, you can take it from me. You know I’ve got the credentials: three attorneys and seven ex-husbands. There most certainly is life after divorce.”

This is a response to the 100 word challenge put forth by Velvet Verbosity.

Waiting

2011-01-16T14:50:00.001-06:00

Margaret sits in the waiting room, alone with her thoughts. The events of this morning, looping in her mind like a tragic news clip, solely hers to witness.

“Mama! I’m imbisible!”

With less than a second’s consideration she’d responded, “You mean ‘invincible’.”

“Yeah!” said her son, her precious dare-devil, only child, wearing last Halloween’s superman costume, now too small, with torn elbows and shredded knees. “I’m IN-VINCIBLE!” pronounced so carefully.

With a shout he was off again. She was grateful for the opportunity to focus on her work.

Now, guilt infuses her waiting. Five year olds are not invincible.

This 100 word challenge post.

A Tale About Trolls

2011-01-11T07:38:00.008-06:00

Once upon a time, in a land that might or might not be far, far away, there lived a troll. This troll, like any troll, had "issues", not the least of which is her overwhelming anger. Sure she had friends she could growl with, but it wasn't enough to satisfy the pain in her heart.

One day she happened to find the house of someone she could hate. She knew a little bit about this person and it was enough. She settled in under their porch and prepared herself for a good time.

She anticipated so much fun she invited over some friends. They took turns leaving angry, nasty comments for the homeowner to find. But something went horribly wrong for them. For two weeks, nothing happened! They felt neither rewarded nor relieved.

The troll soon realized the homeowner's sister's address was posted proudly on the wall so she crept over and hid under the unsuspecting sister's porch. What the troll didn't seem to realize was that the sister's home welcomes anyone exploring their faith or (and this is the good part) for anyone looking to learn from the many mistakes she made in raising her children.

The troll spent some time exploring the home, and maybe she thought she had all the ammunition she needed when she launched her first round. But alas, shouting recriminations about poor parenting skills or poking at her faith...it made the sister chuckle.

"Why 'yes'!" the sister admitted, "You're right! I'm not perfect, by far. I've made many mistakes. I've wept many a tear and I've learned a lot. I've grown stronger but more importantly I've grown closer to God. Through my trials I've developed a deeper faith. Please, come in and stay a while. I'd like to hear more about your experiences. You're welcome any time you want; I love to talk about my faith. You don't have to agree with me. I appreciate the company and the opportunity to explore and share!"

I'm not sure how this story ends. You tell me....

Dear Lord, I pray for people who feel the need to criticize and be negative in a world already filled with pain and sorrow. Bless us as we strive to do our best, by Your grace. Help us all to love one another as You have commanded us. Amen.

The Board

2011-01-10T06:46:00.002-06:00

Rodie takes a deep breath, steeling himself for the climb. One foot after the other, one rung at a time, he ascends. At the top he steps forward. A skinny boy in bright trunks, he moves cautiously between rails. Past the rails, he takes five steps to the board’s end. He draws another deep breath, looking down….

Today Rodie stands in a cold room, recalling the day he stood 3 meters above the community pool and conquered fear that stabbed through him like a knife. He turns to the seven men sitting before him, breathes deeply and smiles.

This was *intended* to be a submission to Velvet Verbosity's 100 Word challenge for this week but I appear to be off-cadence. Alas. Maybe next time.

Three Words for 2011 (and insight into how my mind works)

2011-01-05T20:50:00.005-06:00

Sure, I'd heard a bit of the buzz...but amidst all of the noise and fanfare of the incoming new year I'd not stopped to discern just what was that buzzing noise I was hearing about "3 words". Then a friend e-mailed me and mentioned her own pursuit of the 3 words that would be her focus for 2011 so I finally stopped and listened.

I read Chris Brogen's post on the subject. I read the three words chosen by him and by others (in Chris' comments and here and here). I sent Chris Brogen's link to my staff and challenged them to come up with their own 3 words and to make sure their goals supported their 3 words. But I still couldn't seem to come up with my own three words. My thinking went something like this:

"Focus" should be one of the words because I really need to stay focused, but that seems silly because the words are supposed to be the focus. I can't focus on focus. What would be my goals? Be less ADD? Sit still for at least 5 minutes before succumbing to interruption and distraction?

"Faith" doesn't need to be one of the words because I'm blessed with a deep, abiding faith these days (although Lord knows it is often tested).

Maybe "Boundaries" should be on the list. I tend to work way too many hours and not leave enough time for the things (and people) I love. Really it's a matter of "balance". Yes, "balance" should be one of the words. I can measure my days and assess how well I'm maintaining balance. My to-do lists, my calendar, my e-mail all reflect the balance (or lack thereof) in my life.

But what else? Maybe "focus". I don't stay focused very well. But I've already considered & discarded that one. Hmmm.

"Discern"? I often pray for discernment, so that I can know God's will. "Obey"? Once I feel guided, am I obedient? "Act"? Do I act according to God's desires for me? Do I understand God's purpose and plan for me? Do I follow where he leads me?

All through the day yesterday and today I wrestled with distilling all of this down to three words. Three little words (or big words) that will have meaning for me. Three words that will help me stay focused on my goals. Three words that are better than any meaningless resolution. I tried on other people's words but nothing seemed to fit.

Meanwhile, on the radio, on the internet, at church, amongst friends I keep hearing talk of change. It's that time of year. But I don't really want change per se. I just want to stay focused on the things that matter.

Finally, Micah 6:8 resonated from the pages of the chronological Bible I'm reading. God has shown me what he requires of me: to act justly, to love mercy and to walk humbly with God.

So after spending a little more time thinking about the words that will help me stay focused on what God wants of me, here's my list:

Prudence, Mercy, Humility

Prudence = the characteristic of exercising sound judgment in practical affairs; act justly.

Mercy = a disposition to be kind and forgiving; compassionate treatment of others; a blessing

Humility = the quality of being modest, reverential, never rude or self-abasing; temperance (restraint against inordinate desires or appetites).

So, yes, some change will be required. Ultimately I think these 3 words capture a life of discernment and obedience with the necessary element of humility ... which will honestly require the greatest effort of the three.

May God bless me this year. May God bless us all.

What are your three words?

Petty Magic, by Camille DeAngelis

2010-12-19T18:51:00.005-06:00

If you're in the mood for a little enchantment, I encourage you to read Petty Magic by Camille DeAngelis. This book has it all: romance, espionage, travel, intrigue and a dash of magic.

Eve, the 149 year old protagonist, has the (perhaps) enviable ability to shed the effects of her advanced years and step out on the town with the vigor and visage of her youth. This, like most of the magic she practices, appears to be of the "no harm, no foul" variety. But alas, it's impossible to carry on such fun without risk and eventually her series of one-night-stands leads her to the charms of Justin - a young man reminiscent of someone from her past. With Justin, everything changes.

Jonah, her one true love was killed in the line of duty while they were serving together behind enemy lines during World War II. Now, all these years later, she falls in love again. Could Justin somehow be Jonah? They seem to share so many traits. Eve struggles with her feelings for Justin and her memories of Jonah, as well as the reality of her May/December romance.

Woven through the love story are tales of mysterious disappearances, murder and politics which plague the secret society of beldames and their beloved mortal men.

The memoirs and confessions of Miss Evelyn Harbinger, Temptress and Troublemaker, as told by Camille DeAngelis, is sure to charm and delight.

I would like to pass along my delight by sending a copy of this book (value = $24) to the winner of a random drawing. But some magic is necessary: 10 readers must comment on this post, then a winner will be selected.

WE HAVE A WINNER! Kathryn, please claim your prize! Send your mailing address to hartfg*at*gmail.com

Famous Last Words

2010-12-16T19:16:00.003-06:00

“I don’t think I can do this.”

“Put on your game face. You’ll be fine.”

“John, I know tenure is important to you, but I don’t think I can spend all evening with the faculty and their spouses, pretending there’s nothing wrong, expecting to avoid suspicion. Won’t it be worse if it comes out here?”

“This won’t be the first affair disclosed after a few drinks.”

“An affair with another man…?”

“You’ve got a point. If it comes up, act like it’s the most natural thing in the world.”

“If you say so.”

“After you, my dear.”

This 100 word challenge post.

For the Love of Strays

2010-12-12T07:16:00.007-06:00

She watched the man swing a denim-clad leg behind him, dismounting his Harley.

“Steer clear of him, Sandy. He’s a wild one. He’ll break your heart.”

The voice took her back to the day her mother came home and found her proudly sitting on the porch steps with a stray cat at her feet. It had taken her all afternoon, a trail of bologna pieces and a saucer of milk to get him this close. She stroked his back, her patience rewarded.

At her mother’s words he darted away, gone forever. She still missed him.

(This is a 100 Word Challenge response.)

Don't judge me, please

2010-12-08T20:48:00.005-06:00

If you follow me on Twitter you might have caught the unusual tactic I applied to keep myself focused during the final days of NaNoWriMo: I applied tattoos. I started with the NaNoWriMo shield on my left forearm. This proved to be both fun and effective. I applied the first one on November 23rd. Then on November 28th I applied "1,667" to my right bicep: my incentive to get my daily word count average above 1,667 per day (the minimum needed to reach the 50k word requirement to qualify as a winner). On November 29th I was staring down the final words to reach my goal, so I applied a third tattoo: "My Novel, by Me."
If you read my post on the subject you know I'm not taking credit for writing this novel (to God goes the glory!) so I hid this tattoo someplace relatively discreet, over my heart. November 29th also marked my return to the office, ending my week-long holiday.

Then began my adventure as a woman of body-art, tats, suburban ink, stain, mystery and intrigue. I was asked more than once about what kind of wild antics I'd been up to over Thanksgiving. I enjoyed the reminders: I am a novelist. I wrote a novel. I've had many opportunities to tell people about it, because the bolder of my co-workers ask.

But there are others who do not ask; whose eyes dart to the tattoos and then back to my mundane visage. They try to make sense of what they're seeing. Did this business woman, an engineer no less, did she really get a tattoo? And what does it mean?

Last week, I went to a meeting with a bunch of stuffed shirts. The attendees were marketing, but also the CEO, CTO, COO and CFO of a small Austin firm. I was privileged to sit in on a deal as it was brokered (the outcome is still pending). And there I sat with my tattooed forearms. And they, of the darting eyes, trying to reconcile the body art with the rest of the package.

The next day I deleted Tattoo #1. It was looking very weathered and starting to erode. Two tattoos remained.

On Sunday I wore a top that didn't quite cover the "My Novel" tattoo; there I was at church, with a bit of green ribbon peeking out from under the neckline of my shirt. Awkward! Again, darting eyes gave away the natural interest. Who wouldn't be curious? I'll give credit to the wonderful people I worship with - my necklace received many compliments.

This week brought a cold snap and a visit from my boss (in from Taiwan). I decided it would be best to hide the body art, but discovered my long sleeve shirts all have low necklines. I decided to rid myself of the tattoo over my heart. My boss left this morning, non-the-wiser.

Today, I boldly bared my "1,667" tattoo and again received multiple comments and questions about its origin. I'm impressed with how well these temporary tattoos are holding up, and how authentic this one continues to appear.
I've kept this tattoo around for a couple of reasons: 1) I enjoy telling others (and reminding myself) that I'm a novelist and 2) I don't want to let myself off the hook. I'm supposed to actually read, edit, re-read, etc. this novel. I have another tattoo left to apply, which is my final reminder to get cracking on the post-writing part of this journey. If I don't get busy soon I may well apply the last tattoo to the side of my throat.

I've learned a few things from this whole experience:

There aren't too many people in my work environment with tattoos, despite the fact that Austin, Tx (in general) is a very liberal, live-music-capital-of-the-world tattooed/pierced kind of place.
Tattoos are fun and a little distracting.
I have enjoyed the outward/visible sign that I'm different, but I'm glad it's not permanent.
It can be awkward to have people stare at my body art (or even just try to catch a peek).
I've enjoyed telling people about my novel.
There's just as much risk that I'll come under judgment as a Christian fiction author as I will for having tattoos.
I've always said I have no interest in getting a tattoo, but that is no longer a true statement.
I suspect I'll miss having tattoos.

Jake's Feast

2010-12-04T08:12:00.004-06:00

“I’d like a pizza with everything,” said the gruff voice.

“Including anchovies?”

More gruffly, “I said everything didn’t I? Of course, with anchovies.”

Later, the gruff voice came in to pick up his pizza. The voice matched the man; tall, thick and unshaven.

He arrived at the game well before the dealer opened the first deck of cards and shortly before the players took their seats. “Pizza’s here.”

“Not with anchovies, I hope.”

“I like anchovies.”

“You’re the only one.”

“So pick ‘em off,” because he knew better. “Leave ‘em behind for Jake.”

And so the cat feasted.

(This is a 100 Word Challenge response.)

A funny thing happened on the way to December

2010-12-01T20:48:00.008-06:00

One morning, late in October, on the first morning following the Women of Faith Conference in San Antonio, I awoke early and went to my favorite spot (in the sun room) for morning prayer. And I took a petition to God.

"God," I said. "Should I try to write a novel in November?" You see, I had NaNoWriMo on my mind. If you're not familiar with NaNoWriMo, it's the annual shaking loose of 50,000 words, ideally coherent, in the form of a novel.

After I offered up my petition, I proceeded to list the plethora of reasons why it was a bad idea, including the best possible excuse "I don't even have a plot in mind!" And immediately (and I really do mean IMMEDIATELY) God graced me with a plot: Write about a woman whose soul is fought over by the forces of good and evil.

"Wow! Thanks God. I've got it from here!"

Then for two weeks I suffered from interruptions and illness to the point of giving up. Seriously. And I was justified in quitting, I assure you. By the morning of November 14 I'd written a grand total of ~2777 words. That's an average of barely more than 200 words per day. To reach 50k it takes an average of 1,667 words per day. By the morning of November 19 (a whole 5 days later, in case you're not doing the math) my average was up to almost 440 words per day. Pitiful.

Then I went to lunch with my priest. If any of you are really wanting to get some insightful counseling from a pastor who cares, I sincerely recommend a session with Bruce. He channels the voice of God.

So yeah, God, in the form of my priest Father Bruce, kicked me in the seat of my figurative pants and asked me if I was going to obey or insult Him with my continued whining about "I can't".

Sure, the month was almost 3/4 over. Sure, I was woefully behind. Was I implying that God couldn't? This is God we're talking about here. The same God who whittled down Gideon's army from 32k to 300 so that their victory over the Midionites (who were thick as locusts) would be credited to God. Yes, that God.

What's a girl to do? I sat my butt down in front of my computer and averaged over 3800 words per day for the next 12 days and I finished the novel that God put on my heart. And if you don't believe me, well here's my tracking spreadsheet (yes, I'm an engineer) and my winner's banner:

The valley and the mountaintop

2010-11-07T18:49:00.007-06:00

When you're walking through the valley, sometimes it is enough to know that there are mountaintops. Faith, by the definition offered in Hebrews 11:1, is confidence in the things we hope for but can't see.

I'm not worried about my valley. Life happens in the valleys. Evangelism happens in the valleys. Faith happens in the valleys. I trust that there is a mountaintop in my future. I don't need to see it now to know that my turn will come.

Today I was blessed by a Kairos closing ceremony. I don't think it's possible to attend a Kairos closing without being blessed by the experience. It's unfortunate that there are some whose attitude might detract from the experience but today I thankfully wasn't affected by that. Listening to the Kairos participants talk is all about listening to the voices calling from the mountaintop. They are swimming in love, glowing with grace and glory, overflowing with the Spirit. It's a beautiful thing.

My friend Bernie reminded me that my blog was moldering in the valley. Yes, I've been busy. Busy with work. Busy with world travel. Busy with weak attempts at this year's NaNoWriMo. Busy with working out. Busy with playing the piano. Busy with the valley.

I drove to/from the Bartlett state jail in my '99 Mustang convertible, top down, hair flying...and I enjoyed my freedom. I enjoyed knowing that there will be better days. That's my faith, and I'm living it.

The Valley of Humiliation

2010-10-15T22:06:00.005-05:00

Sometimes it takes the convergence of apparently unrelated vectors in life to shake us awake so we can appreciate the reality of our circumstances. In the work-world, I've been giving and receiving advice about how to not just survive but thrive in the corporate environment. Meanwhile, I've fallen behind in my daily reading of Oswald Chamber's devotional "My Utmost for His Highest". This morning, before I rose I read the October 2nd entry "The Place of Humiliation" and it struck a chord, resonating and filling me with truth. I may be in Taipei physically but spiritually, mentally and emotionally I'm walking in the Valley of Humiliation.

I've gotten a little (or extremely) full of myself, thinking I deserve better than what I'm getting. I trust God and I trust God's timing... but why is this situation taking so long to "fix"? Why must I suffer so? Aren't I destined for greatness?

Where is my faith as I survive the mundane? I've fallen into a trap of believing that my faith will enable me to do great things. Instead, I realize now that I should focus on revealing God's glory in the valley, where the real work happens. That's faith. Real faith. Trusting God not because I'm living in a moment of heightened awareness, overwhelmed by the sheer joy of knowing Him but because in the absence of any clear indication of His presence I still know He is here with me.

God doesn't have to prove anything to me and God doesn't owe me anything. Life in the valley of humiliation is what it is: life. We can't serve God's greater purpose without spending time humbly trudging along in the valley. That, my friends, is God's kingdom here on earth. Welcome.

Outlive Your Life by Max Lucado (Book Review*)

2010-09-10T19:02:00.005-05:00

If I've ever wondered whether God could possibly have any use for an average Joe such as myself, Max Lucado's latest book Outlive Your Life carefully spells out a resounding "YES!" based on examples found in scripture as well as modern history.

Max Lucado brings life to the characters of the Bible, setting the scene and filling in dialogue, empowering images of ourselves and those we know facing the same issues and decisions. He complements familiar tales with personal examples and with stories of average citizens who accomplished extraordinary things through simple acts of grace. With the examples comes a sense of accessibility for steps we can take in our own lives to make changes that will outlast us.

One of the thought-provoking questions that prompted this book is this: "When your grandchildren discover you lived during a day in which 1.75 billion people were poor and 1 billion were hungry, how will they judge your response?" Outlive Your Life is a "salute to a long life: goodness that oulives the grave, love that outlasts the final breath."

The chapters open with scripture and close with scripture and relevant prayer. The pages in between are reflect more scripture with references to Old and New Testament players great and small. Jesus, Abraham, Peter...most are familiar with their roles in changing history. How about Saul? In Max's retelling of Saul's remarkable conversion tears well up and my heart fills my chest. Even the misguided can be turned around and put to God's good use. What about those who willfully do wrong? Ananias and Sapphira are offered as examples of what not to do, a reminder that God is mighty and just.

Max Lucado gives examples of lives effected by modern apostles such as Bzuneh, a recovering alcoholic in Ethiopia saved by a loving congregation and the example set by Necati, a devout Christian who died crying "Messiah! Messiah!" at the hands of Islamic attackers in Turkey.

Are these examples too extreme or too hard to imagine from the comfort of your own home? Fortunately, there are frequent suggestions for the small acts that we can all perform in our daily lives with little to no disruption in our routine. Pay attention to the people around us. Let them know we care. Look them in the eye and acknowledge their pain and sorrow. It is in serving the least of these that we glorify God.

Finally, the book concludes with a Discussion and Action Guide (prepared by David Drury) that captures the principles of each chapter and offers discussion questions and ideas for action. These points will help personalize the lessons and identify practical actions to bear the fruit of the Spirit.

"May you live in such a way that your death is just the beginning of your life." (Max Lucado, Outlive Your Life) This book is a practical guide to helping you do just that.

*Review based on advance copy of Outlive Your Life.

Teens: You gotta love 'em!

2010-08-19T08:18:00.005-05:00

It was inevitable. He's 16. He can't help himself. He must transition from child to adult. Unlike a caterpillar whose transition allows them the comfort of a cocoon to effectively insulate them from the world, teens must go out into the world and face the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. And worse, other teens. And teachers. And police officers who pull them over and issue citations (but that I'll save for another post).

What's a mother to do?

Love, love, love! And when that's not enough, love them some more.

I've had to remind myself of this lately. When my teen comes home tired and cranky, I need to offer love. When he tries to reject my love, I need to offer more love.

How?

I write him notes that tell him I love him. I communicate with him (about my day, about his day, about his dreams and plans). I do things for him ("Are you hungry? Can I fix you a sandwich?"). I encourage him ("Wow! That's great! You're really doing a good job.). I pat him on the back (literally).

This post is as much for me as for you. The rewards of this sacrifice are not immediately evident. My love can easily be rebuffed or rejected. But I am determined to respond with MORE not less. I've learned this lesson the hard way.

Baptism - Josalynn Marie Hicks

2010-07-11T20:48:00.004-05:00

Although my oldest two daughters hated each other during their teen years, my forecast of their eventual reunion has finally hit a major milestone of "see-I-told-you-so" maternal truth. They are turning the corner in their relationship and hopefully they will someday enjoy the closeness that I experience with my sisters. I detested my sisters when I lived at home but as an adult, they are my dearest friends.

Last weekend (7/4/10), my granddaughter (Child #2 of my Child #2) was baptized. In these photos, she is held by her aunt, my eldest.

The lovely cake (from HEB):
The beautiful child, Josalynn Marie Hicks:

We welcome her into the family of Christ. She is a beloved member of our family.

Spring Cleaning

2010-06-12T22:19:00.002-05:00

Nature happens, folks. Winter months, with all of the plants packed into the sunroom, spiders and other creepy-crawlies take up residence.
After hours of labor, sweating in the sauna that is my sunroom, I'm quite delighted with the results. I've reclaimed my retreat. My quiet place. A place where I can sit quietly and pray. A place to read. A place to meditate.

I consider every drop of sweat well worth the effort.

Cleaning carpets

2010-06-06T22:44:00.006-05:00

We've invested in a rental property. This is part of my retirement strategy. No joke. Some day I hope to be doing something else. In order to get there, we bought a house that we hope to rent. But first, the carpet must be cleaned. I came armed with chemicals.

Cleaning the stains left behind by another family gave me an opportunity to "introspect". I spent hours today praying for the family that was (a foreclosure - is that why they made no effort to clean up after themselves?) and praying for the family that will be (Lord, let this house be filled with love).
Spot cleaning, steam cleaning...and voila! The carpet looks (almost) as good as new!

Next, I tackled the master bedroom. The photos don't do justice to the layer of dog hair that covered the floor. And the stains were worse than the living room. Oddly, the children's rooms were not too bad. The master bedroom, though ... {shudder}.
The biggest stain was probably rust. I can ignore that it looked like blood.

Much better:Another round of cleaning in the master bedroom may be required. I'm not entirely satisfied with the results but time/hunger demands interfered with prayerful meditation.

Most importantly: the house is now "listed". Anyone interested in renting a house in Hutto? It comes with blessings!

New Arrival

2010-04-26T16:30:00.004-05:00

Minutes before officially becoming a big brother, our grandson spent time burning energy, running around the secluded patio in the women's section of the hospital.
Labor was eased by an epidural. Delivery was quick. My daughter asked me to stay with her during delivery. What a blessing! I won't deny weeping at the moment of birth.
I'm sure I'm biased. I think she's precious.

Yes, this grandma loves her grandchildren.

Anticipation

2010-04-26T10:36:00.002-05:00

Sitting quietly in the waiting room, on the outside. Outside of the doors. Doors that require approval from the nurses' station before entry (or exit) can be granted. We've been excused for a moment.

Before I'm finished with that thought, I get a text from my daughter, summoning us. She's ready for our return.

Although the world is filled with death and violence, I get to set all that aside today. I'm soothed by the sounds of my granddaughter's in utero heartbeat and the steady gentle breathing of my napping grandson. It's a waiting game for us. The grandparents.

Today is our baby's 16^th birthday and it seems like only yesterday that he was born. The memory of his birth is as vivid as the memory of his older sister's birth. His sister that's about to give birth. And life goes on.

Taking the High Road

2010-03-22T10:33:00.004-05:00

Last week I had an unpleasant encounter with a pair of "Christian women" who demonstrated unchristian behavior. Yesterday I concluded that I would not confront the offenders directly. Instead, I wrote an article for the Examiner about motives for good deeds.

I also read a few rants from other bloggers about snarky trolls leaving anonymous criticism, people sending judgmental e-mails, etc. I realize blogs are a great place to shake off whatever ails our peace of mind, so I'm following suit.

I recognize that I am probably the worst person to confront the women who offended me - not because I'm incapable of the diplomacy and tact required to present my case but because my motives will not be trusted. They believe their criticism of me is justified. In their eyes I did wrong. They don't see anything wrong with their actions and they certainly don't think they're wrong in their judgment.

I have to look inside my own heart and decide what action I will take. In the moment I was caught in a no-win situation. I only had a second to consider my options and I did what I thought was best. As I said in my last post, sometimes the best option is to say "you're wrong" and to walk away. In a few months I will cross paths with these women again. Between now and then, I will keep them in my prayers. And I pray that when we meet again, my path will be the high road.

Stop judging, people!

2010-03-17T19:00:00.004-05:00

The strangest thing is going on, all across this blessed cyberspace and even in the realms of real world. People are judging people. It's gone on for years...I know this. I accept it for what it is. But there seems to be so much inappropriate butting in lately I thought it worthy of mention.

Criticizing comments made in person or anonymously via blogs are still a symptom of the devil seeking to get a foothold. Most of the attackers seem to consider themselves good people, maybe even good Christian people...yet they are as far from the body of Christ as they could be. It is unhealthy to attack and criticize. It's like looking in the mirror and hating your own body. That's no way to live.

I spent last weekend serving on an outside team supporting an "inside team" for Kairos, a prison ministry. At the end of the weekend some of the women seemed to think that their contribution was more worthy of recognition than the contribution of others.

I'm reminded of the widow who only gave a nickel, but it was all that she had. If all someone could contribute was a Sunday afternoon, but that time was all they had...they gave more than a someone with all the time in the world who spent 4 days supporting the ministry. And why on earth are we even comparing contribution? Is that what ministry comes down to? I pray not.

And someone decides to quit drinking and somehow they come under attack? And another is accused of making money off of her children, the death of her father, her nephew's health? And someone took the time to write a lengthy letter enumerating perceived offenses? Really? How is this healthy? It's not.

The Bible says "judge not, lest you be judged". In every one of the instances I've noted, the folks who cast aspersions opened themselves to attack. My suggestion for all of us is to stand tall and walk away. Try to avoid the temptation to rebut, to defend, to counter-attack.

Lord, Thank you for being our shield and our armor. You are our strength and our protector.

After sleeping on it, I feel compelled to amend my thoughts here: There are some occasions when we have to stand up and say to the offender "You're wrong! Your way of thinking is counter to scripture." Then we can (and should) walk away. It's rarely effective to argue with folks who have already let the devil take up residence in their hearts. But we can (and should) keep them in our prayers.

Mommy Power by Dr. Sheila Schuller Coleman: Book Review & Giveaway

2010-03-02T11:23:00.006-06:00

When my copy of Mommy Power, Discovering Your Mommy Strength by Dr. Sheila Schuller Coleman arrived in the mail, my first reaction was "This is not the book I requested!"

I signed up to participate in a book giveaway through the Hatchette Book Group, and I wanted to review the book before offering the giveaway. But this really was not the book I'd requested. Yet somehow (not surprisingly) God's loving intervention provided me with what I needed rather than what I wanted.

I give this book the most glowing praise I can offer any book -- I wish I'd read this when my children were little...but this is an advance copy of a book that will be published in April 2010 so that's a moot point. The next best thing I can say is that this author captures one of the most important lessons I learned as a parent. The children we raise are God's children, put in our charge for a time but always His.

Although I took my children to church every Sunday I regret not involving God more in the daily grind of raising four children in difficult times. I felt the need to be Super Mom, working long hours, teaching Sunday School, involved in the community, helping with homework and reading bedtime stories to the point of exhaustion.

Dr. Sheila Schuller Coleman integrated scripture into her life and balanced herself between the demands and calls we all face. She tells stories of her successes and failures, sharing lessons she learned and more importantly she offers scripture and prayers we can all use in our lives today. The lessons are practical and relevant, easy to read and digest and they can be readily applied in diverse circumstances. I will be passing my copy around amongst the moms I know.

But you can win your own copy!

If you are interested in a copy of this book, please comment (request a copy) by March 16, 2010. The first 3 will receive a free copy of this book, mailed directly to you by the publisher. This offer is limited to residents of US and Canada.

Learning to drive when you already know how

2010-02-23T19:58:00.001-06:00

Sunday I took my 15 year old out for a driving lesson. He's had his driving permit for over 6 months. He's had many hours of behind-the-wheel experience. He's completed all of his driver's training and he's a decent driver (better than his sister's were at that age). He's driven our SUV and our "little car" (Hyundai Accent) to the point of boredom. He's actually turned down driving opportunities - "Nah, it's okay," he says, "you drive."

But Sunday was a special driving lesson. One that he'd been waiting for, eagerly pestering me for months. "When can I drive the Mustang?" You see, the Mustang has a manual transmission. And 8 cylinders. Very powerful, very cool, but also a little trickier than what he was used to. He was very confident in his skillz, however. Undaunted as only a 15 year old can be in the face of new challenges.

We went to the local park and drove around the parking lot for a while. It didn't take long before he had a healthy new appreciation for the power, yes, but also the challenge of mastering the clutch and gear shifting. He practiced starting in stopping, slowing, turning, etc. all in 1^st gear. Then he practiced 1^st to 2^nd to 1^st to 2^nd. He only stalled out once, so he got to practice starting the car up. And finally he experienced putting the car in reverse and backing up.

It was a short driving lesson, relatively speaking. The more important lesson may have been the reminder not to be overly confident in our ability: past success doesn't always translate to competence in something new.

I see this often in myself and others. We're good at something so we assume we'll be good at similar things. We don't always appreciate the hidden challenges, trusting in our innate abilities. I believe this is an inherent flaw woven into the fabric of our human nature. It's this weakness that leads us away from seeking God's hand in all things, at all times. We believe we've got it, life is well in hand. Then, after a few shaky attempts we realize we're not quite ready after all. It's then that the wise turn to Him and the weak turn to "crutches".

Lord, help me to remember that you're always with me. I don't have to prove anything. Where I lack the skills I need, you complete me.

Sunday's Study - Judges 21: Wives for the Benjamites

2010-02-21T17:05:00.004-06:00

After wiping out all but 600 of the Benjamite tribe, the remaining Israelites felt remorse and wept for their loss. Then they decided they needed to find wives for the Benjamites. Since none of the people of Jabesh Gilead joined the battle with the Benjamites, and the punishment for abdicating responsibility was death, they wiped out all of the men and women of Jabesh Gilead, sparing only the 400 women (girls) who were virgin. The remaining 200 Benjamite men seized their wives from the girls of Shiloh who were joining the annual festival of the Lord.

In those days Israel had no king; everyone did as he saw fit. (Judges 21:25)

Indeed these were lawless times.

Sunday's Study - Judges 20: Israelites battle the Benjamites

2010-02-14T13:54:00.003-06:00

The lawlessness of the times was evident in the vile behavior of the men of Gibeah, a town of the tribe of Benjamin. A concubine was brutally raped and subsequently died. Her husband, a Levite, divided her corpse and sent pieces to each of the twelve tribes of Israel. The Israelites united against the offending tribe of Benjamites, who gathered together to defend their own.

The details of the battle can be read here.

Sunday's Study: Judges 19 - a Levite and his Concubine

2010-02-07T19:25:00.005-06:00

Judges 19 tells the story of a Levite and his concubine. A man and a woman. Since she's referred to as his "concubine" she's probably of lower social status but she is his wife. And we're told she's unfaithful. She goes home to her daddy and her husband, the Levite, comes after her. After spending some time at his father-in-law's house the Levite collects up his things, including his concubine, and heads home to the hills of Ephraim. When night falls he seeks lodging in the town of Gibeah in the land of Benjamin.

Gibeah, a town of fellow Israelites, should be friendly and hospitable. But no one invites them in. Finally, as they sit in the town square pondering their options, someone approaches them and welcomes them into his home. But the hospitality of the town ends there. Soon the men of the town are banging on the door, demanding the Levite come out so they can rape him. Instead, the host offers his virgin daughter and the concubine. His virgin daughter. This is reminiscent of the story of Sodom.

This tragic tale reveals the lawlessness of the time and sets the stage for the eventual judgment of the Benjamites by the rest of Israel. I'm moved to tears by the fate of the concubine.

Next week we'll look at the consequences of the Levite's decision to mail his dead wife's body to the 12 nations of Israel.

Obstacles Welcome* by Ralph de la Vega

2010-02-06T17:19:00.005-06:00

Obstacles Welcome is a mix of autobiography and lessons in leadership. Ralph de la Vega tells of various obstacles he's faced in his life and what lessons he's drawn from his own experiences. He also provides suggestions for how these lessons can be adapted in different scenarios. Unfortunately the leadership lessons are overshadowed by the almost self-congratulatory tales of the author's success.

The author was suddenly separated from his family in Cuba at the age of 10, and transplanted to live with relatives in the Miami area of Florida. Eventually his family was able to escape the communist control in Cuba and join him in Florida. He overcame many obstacles and successfully completed his education. His career in the telecom/wireless industry was also filled with challenges, including facing dismal business climates, managing organizations in difficult political environments and overcoming the devastation caused by natural disasters (Hurricanes Katrina and Andrew).

If the reader has an interest in learning more about the history of wireless communications, including the unprecedented merger of Cingular and AT&T Wireless, this book offers an insider's view of many of the major milestones in the evolution of telecommunications. If the reader is interested in finding a practical handbook for developing leadership skills, there are much better guides available.

The book has too much focus on the personal experiences of the author, telling many life stories wireless communication industry anecdotes. Although the book is interesting from the standpoint of autobiography and history, to be useful for burgeoning leaders the focus should shift from the author's story. If the leadership tips that are buried in the book were brought to focus, with a mix of examples from the author's history and from other industry applications this might become a book worthy of recommendation to potential leaders.

There are some good points: the chapter on the "Success Cycle" located about mid-way through the book is an excellent guide for managing a team through change and Chapter 17, "Become the Leader You Want to Be" provides a useful Leadership Capability Model for self-assessment and practical application. Unfortunately I almost missed these useful sections because I'd lost interest in the life story of the author. I'm glad I overcame that obstacle and persevered. The nuggets were worth the effort.

*Disclaimer: As a reviewer for BookSneeze.com (nee Thomas Nelson Book Reviewer Bloggers) I received a free copy of this book. I received no other compensation.

Sunday's Study: Judges 18 - Micah and the Danites

2010-01-31T14:29:00.002-06:00

Micah's world is rocked when the Danites pass through and persuade his personal priest, an egotistical greedy young Levite, to leave Micah's household and join them in their takeover of the Sidonians' territory.

Micah is lost without his priest and his idols. How about you?

The Lord's Ways Are Mysterious

2010-01-24T19:04:00.002-06:00

January has been a long month, full of surprises. And full of irony. About 3 weeks ago, in pursuit of my blossoming career-interest (life as a full-time writer) I submitted an application to Examiner.com. Last week they let me know that I'd been accepted as a contributing writer. Glory! The irony? In between my application and their acceptance I found myself in charge of my company. For more on that, go here. You'll notice I've also kicked off a new blog.

My New Year's "Resolutions" this year included "write every day". And "read every day". The list did not include "take over my company". And yet, here I am. I am now the "acting Director" ("local site manager"..."woman without a title"?) for my small company.

And, I'm on board with the Examiner team, committed to publish regularly. And to read. My assignment is "Austin Christian Books Examiner." I will be challenged to manage my time effectively, but what's life without a good challenge? Godless.

With God, all things are possible. I'm praying for God to guide me to the Office Manager that will be my partner in successfully leading my company. That step is key.

If you've stopped by and wondered where I've been, I hope I haven't worried you by my silence. I've been working or working out. My faith is as strong as ever. I trust balance will soon return.

But...your prayers are appreciated.

Welcome 2010, it's going to be a good year.

2010-01-01T14:51:00.010-06:00

Last year I began an exercise regimen that successfully stopped the horrific weight gain (20 pounds!) that plagued me during 2008. Although I was able to stop the trend, I'm still sporting the extra pounds. Other accomplishments of note include surviving the 1st year of employment in a start-up working for my old employer and, even better, writing a novel. I also read the Bible in its entirety.

I only have a couple of resolutions for this year: Exercise more, eat less, read more, write more. And by that, I intend to do a bit of each of those 4 activities every day.

On the exercise front: we've acquired the Wii Fit Plus and we're 4 days in. My DH and I have completed 30 minutes per day and we plan to continue the trend. I also have an exercise ball and a heart rate monitor. I'm all in. 30 minutes a day, minimum. Walking, Wii-ing or a tryst with Richard Simmons - it doesn't matter which. My goal is to "Work it, baby!"

On the eating less front... well, yeah, I've got room for improvement there. I've never been good at counting calories. The best I can hope for is some amount of self control. Eating smaller portions, taking smaller bites, eating more slowly. I'm imagining things that are yet to be achieved. But I've got time to work on it. I'd like for dinner to start taking 20 minutes to eat instead of 2 minutes.

On reading and writing, here are the stack of books I currently have queued up, ready to read:

Under the Dome, by Stephen King

The Principle of the Path, by Andy Stanley

Same Kind of Different as Me, by Ron Hall and Denver Moore

When Bad Things Happen to Good People, by Harold S. Kushner

The Alchemist, by Paulo Coelho

A Man For All Seasons, by Robert Bolt

Obstacles Welcome, by Ralph de la Vega

Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil, by John Berendt

How Not to Write a Novel, by Howard Mittelmark and Sandra Newman

The Elements of Style, by Strunk and White

On Writing Well, by William Zinsser

A Twist at the End, by Steven Saylor

Reading Like a Writer, by Francine Prose

The Good, The Bad and the Lovely, by Fran Hart

Self-Editing for Fiction Writers, by Renni Browne & Dave King

The Chronological Study Bible (NKJV)

The Complete C.S.Lewis (Mere Christianity, The Screwtape Letters, The Abolition of Man, The Great Divorce, The Problem of Pain, Miracles, A Grief Observed), by C.S.Lewis

Adventuring Through the Bible, by Ray Stedman

The Marketing of Evil, by David Kupelian

Ten Things I Wish Jesus Never Said, by Victor Kuligin

The Eduction of Little Tree, by Forrest Carter

The Gospel According to Judas, by Benjamin Iscariot

Reading Judas, by Elain Pagels & Karen L. King

See Jane Lead, by Lois P. Frankel, PhD

The Christian Moral Life, by Timothy F. Sedgwick

Cure for the Common Life, by Max Lucado

If You Want to Walk on Water You've Got to Get Out of the Boat, by John Ortberg

The Mammoth Book of Best New Horror (short stories)

bird by bird, by Anne Lamott

Writing Mysteries, a handbook by the Mystery Writers of America

And the books I won at the Women of Faith conference:

Guys Are Waffles, Girls Are Spaghetti by Chad Eastham
Redefining Beautiful by Jenna Lucado
Take Your Best Shot by AustinGutwein
Knockout Entrepreneur by George Foreman
Beautiful Mess The Story of Diamond Rio

So, I'm wondering....if it's in my stack am I obliged to read it? I think not. My goal is to hone my writing skills. To read like a writer. To write like a reader. To do both like a critic. I plan to write reviews as often as possible (or reasonable).

On writing, I intend to finish "God the Father: What I've Learned about Parenting from God and about God from Parenting" and I plan to complete 4 more drafts of my first novel (and then find a publisher). And I will write my 2nd novel. And, God willing, I'll write a book about my travels to Asia.

Yes, 2010. I'm glad to meet you. It's going to be a good year.

Bo's Cafe - a Book Review

2009-12-31T08:42:00.003-06:00

Bo's Cafe is a novel by John Lynch, Bill Thrall and Bruce McNicol. The story tells of a man's journey through the most challenging part of anyone's life - overcoming the demons from the past that threaten the future. Steven, the main character, has unresolved issues which are creating problems for him in his home and in his office. A stranger enters his life, leading him to a place where he can learn to be himself as he's meant to be.

Bo's Cafe is like Cheers - it's a place where problems can be aired and resolved in the company of friends. The patrons come together regularly for loving support. We all need this kind of support. I'm blessed because I'm already part of a group that meets regularly in a similar fashion (Wednesday mornings at an Einstein Bros. Bagels). I can personally attest to the blessing of this in my life. There is a tremendous freedom in being able to talk about anything and everything that's on my mind (work, husband, kids, etc.) and knowing that I'll get honest feedback and loving encouragement. This is God's grace.

Although Bo's Cafe is fiction, the story it tells is all too common. So many of us fall into the trap of trying to rely on our own inner strength, which results in things falling apart all around us. Steven's tale is the sharing of good Christian counseling. I strongly recommend this book - read it and share it with others.

I won my copy and I'll be passing on a copy. Go here to visit Bo's virtual Cafe, to learn more about the book and share in the experience.

Christmas

2009-12-25T06:49:00.021-06:00

During my stay at the Windsor hotel in Kunshan, China I was impressed by the presence of Christmas and all its trappings.

When I checked into the hotel their halls were decked and Christmas tunes were playing in the background (specifically - "All I Want for Christmas Are My Two Front Teeth" greeted me upon my arrival).

Whenever I called down for room service, I was greeted with a cheery "Merry Christmas" and I listened to "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" Muzak looping through my time on hold. And given the need to put me on hold every time I called (while they hunted down someone who spoke English), I heard that tune plenty.

Finally, I asked a local co-worker about the broad adoption of this Christian holiday. I know that Christianity exists in China but I was surprised to see so many reminders and signs of Christmas. I was curious if there was an appreciation of the significance of the holiday. I was told that most businesses were touting Christmas because of the commercial aspect - there were goods to be sold, they primarily catered to business travelers and tourists.

I wonder whether things are remarkably different in the US. We may be more cognizant of the Christian roots of the holiday but how many families really focus on the celebration of Christ's birth? How easy it is to get swept up in the decorations and the gift-giving!

Something that struck me during this Holiday season was the weirdness of Santa Claus. The song "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" is especially creepy. In the song, we attribute traits to Santa that better describe God. Consider Psalm 139:

Psalm 139

¹ O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me.
² You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.
³ You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do.
⁴ You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord.
⁵ You go before me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head.
⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand!

⁷ I can never escape from your Spirit! I can never get away from your presence!
⁸ If I go up to heaven, you are there; if I go down to the grave, you are there.
⁹ If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans,
¹⁰ even there your hand will guide me, and your strength will support me.
¹¹ I could ask the darkness to hide me and the light around me to become night—
¹² but even in darkness I cannot hide from you. To you the night shines as bright as day. Darkness and light are the same to you.

¹³ You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
¹⁵ You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
¹⁶ You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed.

¹⁷ How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered!
¹⁸ I can’t even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand! And when I wake up, you are still with me!

....

²³ Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
²⁴ Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

God knows when we're sleeping, he knows when we're awake. He knows when we've been bad or good (so be good for His son's sake!) and He loves us anyway.

God doesn't come to town once a year or only on special occasions. He is always here. He is always with us. He is always seeking a relationship with us. He's forgiving and faithful, loving us beyond measure. He leads us to everlasting life! He's way better than Santa Claus!

In case that last post sounded sanctimonious

2009-12-24T06:41:00.005-06:00

I'm not sanctimonious or holier-than-thou even if my last post sounded that way. My children may have survived thus far, but that is more of a reflection of God's grace than my parenting skills.

Maybe I'm sensitive to the harsh criticism dished out by M. McGraw because I've been the subject of other parent's judgment before. During their teen years my daughters were always able to find a sympathetic ear and welcoming arms in the form of "replacement moms". D#3 moved in with a family whose mother actually told my mother she (the replacement mom) would never treat her children the way I've treated mine. Nice, eh? And all of the judgment passed over me by those replacement moms without benefit of Twitter.

And with Twitter? It definitely gives me something to think about. One of my daughters follows me on Twitter (although I don't think she actively follows me, she could). One of my co-workers is also a "follower". But it's more than that that makes me think before I Tweet. It's about the understanding that once Tweeted, the whole world is privvy to the thought I captured in 140 characters or less.

Do my Tweets make the world a better place? Do they spread light? Or darkness? As Christians we're tasked with trying to spread light so that filter should apply to everything we do or say.

I won't claim that before every Tweet I consider that it could be my last but I do try to apply a reasonable filter and use good judgment. Maybe it's something along the lines of "What Would Jesus Tweet" (although not that well thought through).

Even with that in mind, after I tweeted this "Co-piloting while 15 YO drives the most dangerous stretch of I35. Praying! Oh, Lord be with us!" it occurred to me - if we were in an accident (traffic was really nutty with all of the holiday shoppers) someone might correctly assume I wasn't paying enough attention to my child who was in a potentially dangerous situation. As the co-pilot I was supposed to be paying attention, responsible and accountable for the safety of others.

My sisters and I often communicate via Twitter and in a way I was reaching out to them. It seemed better to focus on framing my next Tweet than to stress out. Maybe not. Fortunately we weren't in an accident and my decision to send a Tweet wasn't hotly debated by those who might choose to judge me. Or if it was, none of that was shared with me.

My musing this week weren't meant to imply that I've got it all figured out. Far from it. I'm still trying to figure it out. Although I could post stories about what a horrible parent I've been and what tragic mistakes I've made to the detriment of my children, I choose to focus on how I think things *should* work.

Our social networks should work for good, not evil. And when we Tweet, we should Tweet responsibly.

That's all. Oh, and.... Merry Christmas!

{From today's reading in The One Year Bible: "Judge fairly, and show mercy and kindness to one another." (Zechariah 7:8)}

It's a Matter of Perspective ... and Discernment

2009-12-21T18:03:00.005-06:00

People tell lies. This is not new news. People lie for many reasons. If someone asks me to pray for them, I don't ask why. I don't assume their story needs to be verified. It's not as if they're asking for money (in which case, you bet I'm checking the background story)! If someone's plea for support or sympathy casts someone else in a negative light, I may do some digging. There's always two sides to the story. We are supposed to be intelligent, reasoning human beings. We're also emotional and biased by our histories. I try not to take sides. I'm not in a position to judge others. But occasionally I'm called upon to discern the truth. Sometimes I'm compelled to share the truth as I see it.

When I was a teen, my high school opened up a computer club. I remember declaring my hatred for computers. By the mid-80's I realized that if I wanted a decent job, I'd have to overcome my feelings about computers and learn how to use them. In '86 I landed a job doing data entry on a mainframe computer. By '87 I was doing word processing. By the Fall of '89 I quit my job as a stenographer and went back to school to get a degree in Engineering.

Soon after that, I tapped into the internet. It was not like it is today. We had Bulletin Boards and Usenets. It didn't take long before I fell in love with computers. And I fell hard. I'm inherently a researcher and I'm proud of my ability to find all sorts of information on a variety of topics. It's a blessing. And a curse. (I give a nod to "Monk".) The Internet is a researcher's dream.

I've been a computer-geek for over 20 years, but in the land of social networking I'm still a babe in the woods. Mommy-bloggers seem so tech-savvy, blending art and design, wit and wisdom. I am humbled as I surf some of the best sites out there (according to Babble, anyway).

I'm not a Mommy-blogger. I'm barely a blogger. I'm a mother (my youngest is 15YO, my oldest is almost 24YO) and a grandmother (my 4th grandchild is due in April) and a geek. I may not be in my element, but I value the social network established through blogging, Facebook and Twitter. Most of my co-workers are mystified by my on-line presence (although many are on Facebook, few go beyond).

I could wallow in my insecurities, measuring myself against the greats and finding myself lacking. Instead I choose to do my own thing. Hopefully my "thing" is a positive reflection of my faith.

Recently, there's been another round of drama in the World of Blogcraft and on-line networks.

Last week a toddler drowned and the mom tweeted a request for prayers. As much as I'm bent on seeking the truth, I didn't stop to question (or check) the background - I stopped to ask God to be with the child and mother. On that day, God collected the toddler up to heaven and left the mom to deal with the aftermath. Ours is not to reason why. Only God knows His plans for us.

This weekend, another Tweeter sent an urgent request for someone, anyone, to call 911...and she provided an address. I'm not sure what's going on in her immediate situation but I found myself reading her "back story" all the way back to 2007. She didn't ask, but she's also in my prayers. {NOTE: in the 2 days it's taken me to finish writing this post, Jess has posted an explanation...and her thanks.}

Another blogger called for support of a friend who lost her home and family to a tragic fire. She and her family are in my prayers.

There's also the ongoing story of Anissa and the tremendous outpouring of support for her (such as this video).

Sometimes the on-line community pulls together in a positive and remarkable way. Here's a post by a woman who can truly testify to this. In this post, she's responding to the Twitter "in-fighting" that took place between the mother of the drowned toddler and a women who positioned herself as a harsh critic (she jumped in to judge the situation and its tragic outcome).

Back in October I found myself at a crossroads. In this world, people lie. Whether I like it or not, that's the plain truth. Not everyone is to be believed. I posted my thoughts on several situations that were made public via blogs. When the truth is not obvious, the burden is on the reader to decide.

Should we all become cynics? Should we doubt everything we hear? Should we refrain from sharing our opinion?

I choose to remain faithful, trusting in God to ultimately judge the action of others. Lying isn't new behavior, but the Internet leaves us exposed to a much broader audience in a much smaller "world" via our social networks. For myself, I will do my best to love everyone and offer my prayerful support as needed. How about you?

The Great Interview Experiment

2009-12-20T16:40:00.010-06:00

Neil at "Citizen of the Month" is hosting a fabulous social experience he calls the Great Interview Experiment. I'm horribly delinquent in completing my part of the experiment.

Ironically, the person I'm responsible for interviewing lived for a time in Shanghai, China. Ironic because this post has been held hostage by my 2 week trip to China.

Without further ado, I would like to introduce Alecia of Hoobing Family Adventures!

I see that you've traveled extensively, including living in Shanghai for a while. Coincidentally, I'm heading to Shanghai on Monday (my 3rd trip). I'm spending the better part of 2 weeks in Kunshan (west of Shanghai). Where do you recommend I go for a memorable weekend of tourism?
The top of the Jin Mao building, Yi Cafe for dinner (awesome international buffet inside the Shangri-La in Pudong), gardens in Suzhou, take the ferry across the Huang Pu river (we liked to take the ferry over to the fabric market in Puxi as we lived in Pudong), KeJiGuan fake market (Science and Technology Center subway stop on Line 2), Little Sheep (Xiao Fe Yang) Hot Pot restaurant (located all around town), Yu Yuan gardens (go to the tea house in the center and walk the streets further away from the enclosed area to see where the locals shop), Xintiandi if you want the more westernized shopping experience. There are also a ton of really good European restaurants (French, Italian) if you are looking for that. I know, random, right? I would say Jin Mao, Little Sheep, Yu Yuan and KeJiGuan are the musts. Oh and the ferry. Very few foreigners take the ferry, it is a great experience. Let me know if you need directions or the Chinese characters for any of those to show the taxi driver.

Of all of your travels, what was your favorite place to live/visit? Why?
We loved living in Guadalajara. The weather is awesome and we were close to the beach and the Mexican people are so wonderful. In one year we visited the beach (Manzanillo or Puerto Vallarta) over fifteen times. We could have been tour guides, seriously. Mexico is not the safest place though. For that China was good...very safe, but not good weather and the culture is less inviting. We do love living in Boise too, but after a few years back here, we generally get anxious to live somewhere exotic/different again. We like change and learning new cultures. How is that for not exactly answering your question?

As for our favorite place to visit...Cambodia sticks out in my mind as the most amazing place we have ever been. With the temples everywhere, the monks in their vibrant orange robes, the absolute poverty coupled with a newly booming tourism industry, the place is like no other. Honestly we have been so many cool places, it is hard to choose one. The Maldives were absolutely incredible with island atolls and having to fly up to the island on a sea plane. And there are still so many other places we want to go.

What was your least favorite place to live/visit? Why?
Hmmm, least favorite. Almost every place has something endearing about it. Generally, we would not go to a place if it wasn't compelling for some reason. After some thought, I would say my least favorite places to visit were the cities in China during holidays because there are way too many people. We had this experience in Hangzhou, Suzhou and the Yellow Mountains.

Also, despite the unique pieces to each Chinese city, after awhile, they all start to feel the same with the exception of their key landmarks. I enjoyed living in China but it would not be my first choice to go to live again...and my husband will not go back there to live (although with the awesome sailing club in Shanghai, I could probably talk him into it if the opportunity was right.)

Do you plan to take Belén, your precious daughter, on adventures to foreign lands? Why/Why not? If so, where's the first place you plan to visit? (If I've missed that she's already made such a trip, forgive my oversight...and please tell of her adventures.)
Absolutely. That is actually why I chose the name http://www.hoobingfamilyadventures.com for our new blog. We plan to continue with the adventures. We are taking some time to let her grow out of her newborn state and build up the bank accounts a bit. We hope to have another child and then in time, we would like to take both of them on a sailing adventure for an extended period of time. Details to be determined, but this is our goal. Belén's personality seems to fit very well with adventures, I hope #2 is the same. We will be taking her on her first big adventure next May to Puerto Vallarta. She has had her passport since she was six weeks old but it turns out she did not need it as soon as we were expecting due to the costs of having a baby and lack of time of due to an extended maternity leave.

How does parenting compare to your previous adventures?
I could take the cliché approach and say that it is the best. In reality it is, but that is not a fair answer. Andy and I were married eight years before we definitively decided to have kids and had Belén. We had so much fun in those eight years that having kids was actually a tough decision. We really liked our lives. We are spontaneous, not planners. Kids require more planning and make spontaneity more difficult. I think we are taking it in stride and plan to try and change as little as possible of our previous patterns while at the same time bringing Belén with us on our globe trotting adventures. She is only seven months old so more experienced parents are probably saying, "uh huh, ya right' and maybe it won't be possible, but that is what we would like.

Both Andy and I have adored every moment we have spent with our daughter. She absolutely changed our lives in every sense and deciding to be parents was the best decision we have ever made. I guess the point I am trying to make is that the parenting adventure is superb but the ideal situation will be when we can better couple the previous adventures we were having with the parenting adventure. I cannot wait to show Belén the world and I hope she gets to see much more than I have seen in my lifetime and I hope we will see a lot together. Nothing sounds better to me than that scenario!

Do you consider your dreams complete or are you still harboring a list of things you'd like to do before "slowing down"? If so, what are the top 3 items on your list of dreams?
Absolutely, positively not. I am not ready to settle into American life for good. And for the record, I don't ever intend to slow down. :) I actually started a list of things I wanted to accomplish in my life when I was in high school. I have already accomplished many of the key things (marry for love, run a marathon, live in another country for a year, become a manager, earn a Masters degree, visit Salzburg, obtain a patent, etc.) There are still quite a few things on that list, but I think my top three things are probably not on that list.

I would like to either start my own business or find a job where I can use what I learned in my MBA to achieve something meaningful or be a full time blogger or writer :). Ideally whatever this turns out to be, it would be flexible such that I can see more of Belén and hypothetical baby #2 during the day.
Write a book. I am scared, but I must do it!
Travel around the world with my family for a year, ideally sailing for at least a portion of it.

If I had a #4 not including the travel, it would be my non-goal of doing an Ironman. I have tried really hard to not let this become a goal of mine because once I have a goal, I have to do it...but I am afraid it has crept on to my list.

There are also a million other places I want to see (France, Peru, Croatia, Turkey to name a few) and we would like to live abroad again. Oh I also want to perfect Spanish, and pick up another couple of probably romance languages.

Wow, it is exhausting talking so much about myself. I feel so incredibly selfish, but thanks for the opportunity! Enjoy your time near Shanghai. Zaijian!

I have to admit, I've fallen in love with the remarkable and inspiring Alecia. I'm grateful for the opportunity to get to know her better. Not just because of what's she's done, or what she's yet to do - she's got great travel tips! Thank you, Alecia!

Life Interrupted

2009-12-20T06:52:00.003-06:00

A reality of traveling to China (or anywhere on the other side of the world) is that the trip doesn't end upon arriving home. Jet lag is a souvenir that hangs around for a week or two then is gone, leaving only hazy memories of the days spent in a sleep-deprived stupor. I shouldn't schedule anything important during the week following these overseas trips. I should just add a week to the trip agenda and pretend I'm still out of the country.

One thing that makes travel to China exceptional is that while in China, Facebook, Twitter and Blogger are all blocked (or at least, they were blocked from the hotel I was in). I could get to Blogger while in the factory, but that is because I had access to a secure network in Taiwan. But the connection was painfully slow. And I tended to be busy working when I was at the factory.

The nutshell is that I fell hopelessly behind and felt ridiculously out of touch when I got back to the States on Monday. And, I had to overcome jet lag. Jet lag and exhaustion. One symptom of jet lag is insomnia. It's ironic that in fighting the time change (14 hours difference between there and here) our bodies fight sleep. I'm starting to get over the worst of it. Just in time for the holidays. Fortunately I'm not going into the office for 2 weeks so I can play "catch-up" on some things, like blogging.

I've been seriously delinquent with my participation in The Great Interview Experiment but today's the day. I'm providing responses and preparing to post responses. Please stay tuned.

Adventures in Dining

2009-12-09T02:23:00.005-06:00

In case you haven't already picked up on this, I'm not averse to trying new things. If I'm feeling fickle, I know I can order chicken just about anywhere and be satisfied. If I'm feeling fine, there's very little I won't eat. During my travels to Malaysia I was told I was one of the few American's they'd ever known to try chicken feet. I assured them I was familiar with po-man's food. I maintain that boiled chicken feet is a dish for those with little else to eat. It shouldn't be considered a delicacy. The foot is literally skin and bone. Whatever meat might exist is hardly worth the effort of parsing through the bones. I did, however, draw the line with the "Spare Parts" hot pot – another soup dish with, well…spare beef parts. By "spare" they mean "the parts that most people won't eat". In this case, I went with "most people".

During my travels to China I've enjoyed dining at several buffets. Buffet dining offers the benefit of letting the diner check out a variety of dishes, picking and choosing at will. All of the dishes are (usually) labeled so the diner knows what they're getting (such as Braised Seaslugs shown here, and "yes, I tried them"). Traveling with vegetarians and picky eaters has made me appreciate buffet dining even more, if only because my meal is not held up by the effort to find something on the menu which appeals to and appeases my companions. One alternative is to find a restaurant with dishes they like and then frequent the same restaurant. Another alternative is "family style" dining. This works well with Mandarin-speaking hosts who can order a variety of dishes and highlight which are vegetarian or spicy, etc. as the dishes arrive.

A common approach to dining is the "set" meal, with an appetizer, soup, main course, fruit, tea and dessert for each diner. Each patron can select a unique set of dishes for their meal. A variety of dishes are brought to the table and each diner can help themselves to whichever appeals to them. I think there are hybrids where the set meal can be family style or more like traditional American style (each person gets their own main course).

And even with our most seasoned hosts, there is still the occasional opportunity for the unexpected. On Tuesday we went to lunch at a local restaurant in Kunshan. The atmosphere was homey. There was a fireplace, bookshelves and magazine racks inviting the diner to get comfortable and stay a while. Two of my companions were picky – one a "meat and potatoes" man (he ordered steak and fried rice) and the other, a vegetarian (she ordered spicy tofu noodle soup with vegetables because, she said, it had turned out so well for her when we dined in Shanghai). Most of the ordering effort went into deciding what they wanted. My three other companions hail from Taiwan and they could read the menu. As noted, I'm not picky. I was asked "chicken or fish"? "Chicken." "Is curry okay?" "Sounds fine." And with that our orders were placed.

One of the first dishes to arrive was a fried fish dish. The expression on my hosts' face was priceless. I wish I'd had my camera poised and ready, but unfortunately that opportunity was missed.

Here's the dish.

Later I was told they were also surprised to learn that the meal was not a "set" so they were charged extra for my tea. Also, there were no free drink refills, so one of our guests' refill was on the bill. And completely outside of anything I would notice (given that the entire exchange was in Mandarin) I was later told that the waitress's communication skills were not very good.

Add to the list of surprises: our vegetarian's request for "spicy tofu noodle soup with vegetables" resulted in two main courses (one dish with spicy tofu noodles and one dish of soup with vegetables) and our other guests' request for steak with fried rice resulted in two main courses (steak and fried rice). The team's assessment was that the ambience was nice, but the food was overpriced and the service was not good.

Room service occasionally brings its own surprises. One night this week, I ordered beef tenderloin which came with a side of fried mushrooms with butter, grilled potato chips and spaghetti.

I was most interested in the tenderloin. Good thing since the sides actually turned out to be grilled bell pepper, sliced zucchini and macaroni with ground beef.

Alternatively, today's "box lunch" delivered to the factory turned out to be scrumptious fried dumplings and soup. Perfect for a cold wet December day.

Adventures in Kunshan

2009-12-07T19:42:00.003-06:00

Today's adventure was once again based on a shopping trip, but this time closer to "home" as it were. My companion (DC) and I decided to visit some of the local stores in Kunshan.

I stopped by the hotel front desk mid-morning armed with the business card of a local DVD dealer who came highly recommended. The address was written in Chinese characters. The hotel manager gave me directions (the shop is only a short distance from the hotel) and at my request, wrote the street name in English on the card. We discussed my desire to go to a bookstore near Tinglin Rd so I could pick up a Chinese-English dictionary to complement my English-Chinese dictionary. I remembered a bookstore about a block or two from Tinglin Rd. I also intended to revisit a few shops along Tinglin Rd. She mentioned the name of the street for the bookstore and it sounded familiar so I assumed it must be the same bookstore I remembered from my last trip.

DC and I planned to meet at 12:30. I made use of the available time by looking up the area on Google Maps and familiarizing myself with the lay of the land. I noticed the street name the hotel manager mentioned was *not* where I remember the book store, but it was only a block from Tinglin Road so I didn't worry too much about it. DC and I met in the lobby, as agreed, and I stopped by the hotel manager's desk to get her assistance with the taxi. She wrote out the address of the bookstore (in Chinese characters) on a sheet of paper for me to show the driver. The concierge called a cab and we were soon off on our Sunday adventure in Kunshan.

Sure enough, when the driver dropped us off in front of the bookstore, it was not the same bookstore. This bookstore was much larger. The first floor was filled with Chinese people and Chinese books. I headed straight for the service desk. Before I got there, the poor clerk's eyes grew wide and she called for reinforcements. I suppose she could tell by looking at me that we'd need a translator. I asked if they had Chinese-English dictionaries, using my English-Chinese dictionary as a sample of what I was seeking. After a round or two of clarification she informed me that I'd find what I was looking for on the first floor. DC and I circled the first floor. Fortunately, all of the section headings had English as well as Mandarin text so we were able to determine that there were no dictionaries on the first floor. After studying a map of the store, I realized the clerk had probably said "fourth floor" not "first floor" so we escalated ourselves up a few flights and found what we were looking for.

With dictionary in hand we trudged back to the first floor to check out. But first, we went back to the service desk to ask if they had street maps of Kunshan. It turns out they do, but the text is all Chinese characters. Unphased, I purchased one for future reference. Since we aren't able to actually read the map, we ask for directions to Tinglin Rd. Fortunately another customer had far better English skills than the clerk and he eagerly jumped to our aid. We were only a block from Tinglin Rd so the directions were straightforward ("go to the end of the street, turn left, then right"). Meanwhile, a different clerk took the street map of Kunshan and consulted with DC - pointing to one spot "you are here" and another spot, "Tinglin Lu". We left the store highly confident in our ability to find our desired destination. Before we got to the end of the block I'd regained my bearings, recognizing the intersection ahead.

We walked the length of Tinglin Rd and doubled back, stopping at several stores and doing a bit of shopping. The details don't matter so much as the general entertainment value of shopping while communicating through the English-Chinese dictionary. What impressed me the most was how often we inspired the sales staff to overestimate our ability to understand their native language. In general, everyone was very friendly and gracious in their efforts to communicate. At one shop, as I was pulling out my brand new Chinese-English dictionary to hand to the proprietor so she could look up the Chinese words and I could figure out what she was saying…another customer jumped in and translated. Although relieved, I was also disappointed. It turns out we were getting drying instructions for a specialty hairbrush. It might have taken an hour to work through the translation.

Once we'd made our purchases on Tinglin Rd. we headed back to our hotel. I'd already determined that the walk was comparable in length to our trek from the day before and the weather was delightful - perfect for a Sunday afternoon walk through the city. The first stretch was familiar to me because I'd walked that route several times during my stay at the Swiss Hotel. Once we passed the Swiss Hotel we were back to having an adventure. It wasn't a wild adventure, mind you, but it was new territory. As planned, the route took us past the recommended DVD store. We browsed for a while (~an hour) and made our purchases. Of all of our shopping efforts I suppose buying DVD's was the most straightforward – no conversation required. When I showed the proprietor my list of movies, pointing out a few I hadn't found, he "Googled" the English title and found the Chinese translation. Apparently my browsing skills are quite good because none of the ones I couldn't find were in stock.

Things didn't get exciting until we were ready to check out. I'd forgotten about the beggars that frequent that part of the city. As DC received the change for his purchases, a very aggressive little old lady poked her head into the store and started hitting him up for money, shaking a little plastic bowl containing a few coins. The proprietor of the store yelled at her in Mandarin. This went on for a few minutes. At one point he acted like he was going to give her a 100RMB bill but he must have been saying "What? Are you crazy? You think I'm going to give you 100RMB?" He sure didn't. There was quite a bit of yelling on his part and ignoring on her part.

I'd say she won that round because when we left, she stuck to our sides like a burr. DC and I were saying "no, no, no" except it was really "no, no, no, bu xie, bu xie, bu xie". It was hard to even walk because she was crowding us, hindering our progress. Eventually I pulled DC into a restaurant along the way so we could catch our breath. As she tried to follow us in, an employee took to chastising her. While he had her engaged, we made our escape.

The rest of the walk back to the hotel was uneventful. This last image is taken from the foot bridge at the end of Huang He Bei Lu ("Huang He North Road"). My hotel is the 5-story tan building seen through the trees).

(This adventure took place Sunday, 12/6, but due to network connection challenges the posting has been delayed).

Adventures in Shanghai

2009-12-06T19:16:00.003-06:00

The trip to Shanghai began with the process of purchasing bus passes. We'd been told that we could catch a shuttle to the Hongqiao Airport in Shanghai, which picked up passengers once an hour from our hotel lobby in Kunshan. I stopped by the desk early in the morning to determine the time of departure and duration of the bus ride, but I couldn't get an answer (either lost in translation or a lack of knowledge). After breakfast my travel-companion (DC) and I stopped back by the front desk and were able to secure one-way tickets for two.

We left for Shanghai at 10:40a.m. During the hour-plus ride we were able to watch a fascinating extended commercial for baroque flooring, which looped continuously. I guess it was effective because I am now filled with a desire to replace our flooring when I get home. The ride was otherwise uneventful. When we arrived at the airport we were able to catch a cab to the Bund Shiliupu Clothing Material Market. I'd brought my tourist map from my last visit to Shanghai, which helped tremendously. I was able to point on the map for the cab driver and he took us straight to our desired location.

We planned to meet a 3^rd co-worker who had opted to spend the weekend in Shanghai. I'd been in communication with her throughout the morning and I alerted her that we'd soon be arriving at the Fabric Market, which was close to her hotel. She set out to join us. DC and I had just finished touring all 4 floors of the market when she called to let us know she was there. We agreed to wait by the escalators for her to join us. She called to let us know she was at the top of the escalators. Could there be two escalators? We gave her the shop number of the stall we were standing by. She soon called to tell us she was at that stall. No she wasn't.

We soon determined that she's not at the same fabric market. She gave us the street address for the market and we compared it to our location. Sure enough, she was not where we were. Doh!

We could have caught a cab to get to the other market, but I'm all about adventure. With our map as reference it didn't look too far to walk so we set out on foot. She told us she was at the intersection of Lujiabang Rd and Xizang Rd. When we got to that intersection we determined she was not at that intersection. We finally determined we needed to double-back (we turned right when we needed to turn left. I'm still not sure why she thought she was at Xizang road – she was actually at Zhongshan Rd). We made our way to the Shanghai South Bund Soft Spinning Material Market after walking about 3 miles. Literally. I just looked it up on Google maps.

By now it was well past lunch time so we decided to find something to eat before we dove into the fabric market. Since 1/3 of our party is vegetarian our dining options were limited. We spotted a coffee shop which looked acceptable and made our way across and down the street. I should mention that crossing the street in this part of Shanghai is a case of taking your life into your own hands: pedestrian-beware. We entered the building only to find ourselves in yet another fabric market. This place drips with fabric markets. Who knew? The coffee shop took up most of the 3^rd floor of the building.

At lunch I was able to exercise my mandarin skills for the first time this trip. The wait-staff spoke very little English. I made use of my handy English/Mandarin dictionary as well as my existing grasp of the language. We successfully ordered drinks. I was able to let the waitress know we wanted our drinks immediately while we pondered the menu. I was eager for my mango slushy to curb my appetite. The menu had everything listed in Mandarin and English, but it was still quite an adventure to get our meals ordered. Everyone got what they ordered (I had duck) and the meals were delicious.

With our bellies full we went to the fabric market and found the stall of the seamstress who made the shirts I bought on my last trip. I had already decided I would treat myself to 5 shirts. I don't regret that I ordered 8 instead. It was very crowded and busy in the market. There are many Europeans who live in Shanghai and this is clearly a favored shop. It's fun to listen to all of the accents. I refrained from jumping into a conversation with a French woman. One of my companions majored in Japanese and she had the opportunity to bridge the communication gap between a Japanese customer and the Chinese seamstress. It is also worth noting that personal space is not a familiar concept to most of the locals. Pushing you gently with full-body contact is their way of saying "Excuse me, you're in my way."

The process of ordering shirts includes picking out styles, colors and making desired modifications (such as "¾ sleeves instead of long" or "full-length but flared"), then getting measured, then haggling over the price. The seamstress and I were both pleased by the end of the deal so I'm hoping that means we struck a fair bargain. For an extra $3 the shirts will be delivered to my hotel in Kunshan, thus saving me another round trip to Shanghai. As much as I might enjoy such an adventure I doubt I'll have time.

With our mission accomplished (we'd each made purchases) we split back up to return to our respective hotels. DC and I caught a cab back to the Hongqiao Airport. We made our way to the shuttle station and bought tickets back to Kunshan. Again, I was able to practice my Mandarin, both spoken and written. We'd just missed the 5:30 shuttle back to Kunshan so we had an hour to kill until the next bus. We hung out at the Airport McDonald's drinking "milk tea".

We got back to the bus station with 10 minutes to spare. I was able to recognize the characters for Kunshan ("昆山") on the front of the bus, and when I double-confirmed with the driver he tried to tell me the bus was full. I produced our pre-paid ticket and he let us on; we claimed the last 2 available seats on the bus.

Recognizing/Identifying the name of the city I'm staying in is the type of information I consider very important when traveling internationally. That, and how to ask for directions to the restroom ("WC zai nahr?"). Oh, and how to order beer and wine. Anything else?

Back in Kunshan

2009-12-04T03:11:00.003-06:00

The best thing a traveler can say about a journey by air is that it was uneventful. My flight from Taipei to Shanghai was uneventful. I was much more gracious with my air prayers in the last leg. Upon arriving in Shanghai I was able to get through customs and immigration fairly quickly. I retrieved my luggage and was soon on my way. One thing I really enjoy about international trips for work is the sheer delight in seeing my driver amongst the waiting crowd. The drivers are lined up along the walkway holding up signs with the names of the travelers they're picking up. As I leave the airport, I scan the crowd and eventually spot my name. My relief is transparent, so much so that the drivers near him point at their own signs with raised eyebrows. Could I be the one they're waiting for? No luck for them. I go straight to my driver, he takes the handle of the largest suitcase and we're on our way.

Once on the road we met very little traffic, which is unusual in this part of the world. Unfortunately my driver was a firm believer in driving a few km/hr below the posted speed limit. The other traffic whizzed around us on the right as we cruised "slowly" along in the fast lane. And he was a nervous braker, frequently tapping the brake in anticipation of things that might happen somewhere down the road.

Eventually we made it to the hotel so I could check in, drop off my luggage and continue on to the factory. But first, I had to deal with the "I don't have a credit card" situation. While I was in transit, my husband had generated a "Shop Safe" credit card number courtesy of our bank. He'd sent a digital copy of the card info. If you're not familiar with the service, it's a great way to shop on-line without worrying about the security of your credit card info. Fortunately I was able to convince the hotel manager to accept the info with a promise to produce a copy of my husband's signature when I check out next week.

With that piece of business out of the way I dropped my luggage off in my room and zipped back down to the lobby where my driver is patiently waiting to finish his business – getting me to the factory. And so, after leaving Austin at 6:30pm Monday I arrived at the factory in Kunshan at 2pm Wednesday, joining the meetings in progress. At 6:30pm I left the factory, had dinner with co-workers, and got back to the hotel in time to crash and burn by 8:30pm. Minus the 14hour time difference that still counts as one helluva long day.

My sound sleep was interrupted at 3a.m. by someone ringing the bell and knocking insistently on the door to my room. There was a hotel employee with a suitcase that he wanted to give me. Fine, except it wasn't my suitcase. I tried to tell him as much. He seemed to want to debate the issue. I have no idea what he was saying but I just kept saying "no" and shaking my head "no". This is universal, isn't it? Even if the guy didn't understand what I was saying, my unwillingness to take the suitcase from him eventually convinced him to abandon hope. He left, but alas sleep had also left. I tried for about an hour, then I gave up and got up.

Needless to say given that it started at 3am, today's been another long day. Most of the time at the factory was spent in an all day meeting to review whether we're ready to build prototypes or not. Afterwards, a large group of us went to a Teppanyaki Japanese restaurant where our meal made Thanksgiving dinner seem like a warm-up exercise. When I got back to my room I had a surprise waiting: a personal cake from the hotel management as recompense for the inconvenience of the errant luggage delivery. And 2 manager-types stopped by with a letter of apology for the inconvenience of the "wake her up at 3am" fun. They explained that they'd reviewed the video tape and the guy that came to my room during the night was on the wrong floor. They assured me that they would take more care in the future. I can't ask for more than that - an apology, a desire to do better and a cake.

And with that, I'll sign off and hopefully get a good night's sleep. The driver will be picking me up at 8am for another round of fun at the factory. Hopefully we start building soon. J

Although this was written before I crashed last night, it turns out the hotel is blocking my access to this blog so my post had to wait until an opportunity presented itself during the workday at the factory. It's now after 5 on Friday and I'm wrapping things up, preparing to head back to the hotel. The hotel which will not let me connect to my blog. Oh the joy. I've got some adventures lined up for the weekend but it may be Monday before I can post the update.

And just like that, I missed Tuesday

2009-12-01T17:41:00.003-06:00

We're preparing to descend from 30,000 feet, to arrive in Taipei at 5:40 a.m. local time. I left Austin at 6:30pm Monday. Whenever I hear the phrase "time flies" I think about this journey from CST to China/Taipei time and back.

I'll need to double check, but I think this leg took 14 hours. I slept some, ate dinner, watched a movie (The Orphan), slept some more, watched another movie (The Time Traveler's Wife), slept some more, watched another movie (500 Days of Summer), then started the regrouping process. I changed into comfy pants for the long leg - more conducive for napping in cramped quarters. To prepare for landing I make a final trip to the lavatory to change and brush my teeth.

I'm still praying for folks, but my focus is a little more practical. Maybe because I'm tired. It's not an excuse, but I confess that my prayers have included thoughts like "I pray for whoever is farting to stop" and "Lord, bless that woman. Her pacing and wild-eyed ways are worrisome." And for the woman next to me. She seemed cranky from the start. And she slept for most of the trip.

I'll be at the airport soon, hunting down a WiFi connection so I can log in and find out about the payment options my hubby's investigating so that I don't have to sleep in the park in Kunshan.

(Update from the airport – safely landed and am hanging out at my favorite "beer bar" drinking coffee and enjoying free wireless.)

The Joys of Traveling

2009-11-30T23:36:00.005-06:00

As I give my husband and son farewell hugs and finally tear myself away from the comfort of their presence, a cold knot of anxiety forms in my stomach. I smile bravely and wave from the rope-course that is security's introduction to their world. Like snaking through a line at an amusement park, but there is no ride at the end of this exercise. Just a serious looking TSA agent who approaches their inspection with as much rigor and enthusiasm as a CSI agent. I know I've forgotten something but I don't know what. Not because I'm prescient but because I always forget something. I'm not too worried about it because I've learned that just about anything I need can be bought once I'm on the ground again.

About then I realize that my cell phone charger is in the bag I checked, and somehow my phone appears to need a charge. Didn't I charge it last night? I'm sure I did, yet the low-battery icon is showing in the upper right corner of the display and its presence is an inarguable indication that my minutes will be limited. No worries. I'm getting to LAX too late to be chatty with the folks living in CST. I'll just make a quick call to my darling letting him know I'm safe in LA. By the time I get to the Taipei airport I won't be interested in using my local AT&T minutes or the overpriced international minutes. We can rely on e-mail or Instant Messaging during the layover. By the time I get to Shanghai I'll have my China Mobile phone activated. (Note to self: need to give hubby China Mobile phone #). When I get to Kunshan I can plug my AT&T phone in and recharge it so it's ready for the trip home…and I have almost 2 weeks to take care of that triviality.

The anxiety in my belly is inevitable because I've turned into a homebody and these trips always force me to accept that I'm not in control. There are so many factors at play that defy my will it's humbling. I kinda like living my life under the pretense that I have some modicum of influence – don't we all? Fortunately, I've committed myself to a prayer challenge as part of Advent this year, and as part of AirPrayer (check it out – a great ministry offered by a friend). I began to pray for everyone around me – fellow travelers, agents, airport employees…no one is exempt. I'm a praying fool. I feel peaceful as I allow my focus to shift from personal concerns to a general sense of wellbeing. I imagine prayer dust surrounding me like a cloud, spreading as I walk and talk and project good will at everyone in sight.

The flight to LA was uneventful. I finished a paperback and started another book. My seatmate had his headphones on and read the newspaper. Eventually he put his paper aside and became engrossed in his own book. I considered interrupted his flight to explain AirPrayer but in the end, I just went on spreading prayer dust. "God, bless this young man next to me. He seems to have a bit of a cough. I pray that he is well soon."

I will say that I charmed the flight attendant through nothing more than apparent good will. There's something to be said for the spreading of prayerful blessings. "God, bless this flight attendant."

At LAX I get to disembark and leave the main terminal, walking over to the International terminal. There are an overwhelming number of people and languages and cultures and luggage. It's crowded no matter the hour. As I enter I paused to appreciate the sights and sounds, and to send out a cloud of prayer dust. An agent at the door asked if I needed help. Maybe because I was one of the few anglo faces. Maybe because I had a stupid beatific look on my face. Either way, I smiled and said, "No, I'm fine," and went on with my business.

I maneuvered through all of this with my new carry-on luggage (one wheeled suitcase and an uber-bag which holds my purse and laptop). As I waited in line to get my boarding pass I chatted with the traveler in line behind me. While chatting, I turned my phone on. And the silly thing got hung up so I turned it off. And it got stuck on that. So I pulled the battery out and put the battery back in. And my fellow traveler interrupted my consternation to point out that the next ticket agent was open. At which point my bag dumped over. As he tried to retrieve it my purse and sunglasses fell out. And so, I got to juggle bag, suitcase, sunglasses, purse, and passport.

And all of this isn't the point of the story! Once inside the International terminal I sought out food. It's well past dinner time and I'm hungry. I end up in the same overpriced, crowded restaurant I enjoyed 2 months ago. Perfect. I pick out a salad and order a glass of wine. As I go to pay I realize I have my trusty Discover card. No problem. But…I remember that on the last trip I brought hubby's VISA card because, well…China doesn't really seem to know about Discover. They know about VISA. Ruh roh.

Making a list and checking it twice

2009-11-29T18:31:00.005-06:00

I wonder whether I'm avoiding work by making a list or avoiding a list by doing things. I have a lot left to do before I leave for China tomorrow. One of the things I need to do is to make a list for my husband...so he doesn't forget the things he needs to do while I'm gone. Like mulch the flower beds. And feed the fish. The flower beds will survive but it won't be good for the fish if he neglects them for 2 weeks. The man will clearly benefit from a list, don't you think?

Meanwhile my to do list for today is only a few entries long. "Pack for China" was one of the big items. Below that was "refill shampoo, conditioner and face wash bottles". I'm reminded of a great tip I learned from a friend, but forgot to follow today: Break down the projects into each task to avoid getting lost in the details.

"Pack for China" is too big of a task. I'm still working on that task. I should have made a complete list of everything that needs to go in the suitcase. Then I would know what was lacking as of this moment. Instead, I can tell you that my bedroom looks like the suitcase exploded - clothes and toiletries are strewn across the bed and floor.

I never finished making the list because I started tackling the project. I know better, yet I fell into this common trap. As I began to build the list I began to get anxious about how much I needed to do. Jumping into action helped relieve the anxiety - but that relief was superficial.

Sitting down and writing this post has reminded me that it's better to take the time to plan. If I have time to write a post, I surely have time to finish writing the list of things to pack!

So, I'm going to revise my list to reflect everything that needs to go into the suitcase. Below that I'll highlight things I need to do in order to pack (like restock the travel kit). Below that I'll list the loose ends that need to be tied up before I leave my day-to-day world for 2 weeks (like some e-mails that need to be sent). Finally, I'll start a list of things I need to purchase before I go (Pringles - a must, Pepto, ...) And then I'll get busy packing.

Are you a list-maker? No? What works for you?

"I'm in Training"

2009-11-28T19:12:00.008-06:00

Oh, the joy of being the new guy. New at a job? New at a hobby? Being new at something brings inherent forgiveness for the inevitable errors and omissions.

Last week I bought a new heart rate monitor. Yes, it's a men's version, but hey! I'm new at this.

The first one I bought didn't have the chest strap and although it was for women, it was a complete PITA and I had to effectively slow down my workout to get a read on my heart rate. In case you don't know this, when the workout slows down, the heart slows down. So my darling hubby went back to Academy and traded the women's Mio for the men's Timex and now I can wear a goofy chest strap but get a more accurate reading and - even better - a complete summary of the work out at the end of the workout period.

Now I'm in training. I'm all about the numbers. Measuring progress, capturing results. The heart rate monitor (HRM) reports average heart rate, highest heart rate, time spent in "the zone", etc. So naturally I'm going to build a spreadsheet and start tracking my results. Doesn't everyone build spreadsheets to track their progress?

I'm also in training for my new career. NaNoWriMo is behind me, but that was just the kick-off. Now begins the long process of turning a novel into a published work while creating more works of fiction and non-fiction ... for future publication. For now, I'm in training. No sense in signing up for a marathon just because I've successfully completed a couple of workout sessions. Nope. I'm currently procrastinating my next work-out session. A short story. To be submitted to the Austin Chronicle's 2009 Short Story contest. And after that, I'll be back to work on a non-fiction project.

And after that? Who knows? But there will be an "after that" because, well...that's what I'm training for. To keep doing what I'm doing. Whether it's walking around my neighborhood with my heart rate between 105-122 bpm or writing 1500-2000 wpd, it's about changing the behavior for the long term and making the new behavior a habit.

So, I'm going to have a spreadsheet for tracking my exercise routine and a spreadsheet for tracking my writing routine. I admit it. I'm much more motivated when I'm measuring progress.

How about you? Do you have a goal or a dream? Do you track progress towards that goal? Do you forgive yourself for the errors and omissions you're bound to make as you push yourself in a new direction?

Cheers to all who step out in faith or try something new. It takes courage to be the new guy... "in training."

A day to be truly thankful

2009-11-26T18:40:00.004-06:00

Today, as people all across America pause in their busy lives to give thanks, I have blessings beyond measure and my thanks are lifted up as I praise God for all He's done in my life this year.

I just took a quick peek at my post from last Thanksgiving. Last November I banged out a post every day as part of NaBloPoMo. On Thanksgiving day, my oldest daughter was barely communicating with us. Our 2nd oldest daughter was living in Pennsylvania with her husband and our grandson. Our 3rd oldest spent Thanksgiving in Del Rio with her girlfriend and her girlfriend's family. Our youngest, my husband and I enjoyed a healthy, quiet meal at home. I spent some time reading. We worked on a puzzle. We were visited by a flock of cardinals.

This November I've banged away on the keyboard as part of NaNoWriMo. Today, I crossed the finish line - not the 50k word goal (I passed that last Friday) but the actual goal of finishing the novel. Yes, I did it. It took almost 69,000 words, but I can now proudly claim to have written a novel. What a great way to celebrate Thanksgiving! Giving thanks for the flow of words and the story I was able to tell.

But, better than that! (What, pray tell, could be better than that?) Last night at about 11pm our oldest daughter and her beau arrived. Today at 11am our 2nd oldest, her husband, his mother (the MIL) and our grandson arrived. They live across town so it wasn't the journey that made their arrival remarkable. It was the drama leading up to today. She called Monday to say they weren't coming (insert MIL drama here), then yesterday decided they were going to be here after all. At about 2:30pm our youngest daughter arrived with her girlfriend. We sat down to eat soon after 3pm. All eleven of us.

After a fantastic dinner, prepared by my wonderful husband, we settled down to watch "Up". A very enjoyable movie (other than the occasional tear-jerk scenes that caused me to cry, which caused my husband to announce that I was crying much to the delight of all. Glad to be of service).

It's been a good year for many reasons, but mostly because my faith has grown (continually seeking God's guidance), my knowledge has grown (almost finished reading The Bible in a Year, huge awakening comes with the awareness and insight), my ambition has grown (well, "shifted" may be a better word - I'm no longer interested in the corporate ladder), my relationship with my children had improved dramatically (even in the absence of drama). I'm as healthy as I've ever been - physically, mentally and spiritually (given my history, that's no small feat). I'm employed, yet able to pursue my passion (ahem, that would be "writing" in case you missed that subtlety).

I'm so happy I could dance. Or sing. Or fall on my knees, lift my arms and turn my face to sky and say "Thank you, God. You are awesome." Or all of the above.

What are you thankful for?

Celebrating Life

2009-11-20T15:56:00.006-06:00

This past year was awesome. There were many highs and many lows, but the highs were all higher than the lows. I've been through the dark valley before so I know how important it is to appreciate time spent on the mountaintop.

Today has been a day that marks a few personal accomplishments:

I'm celebrating life - I turn 45 today.

I'm celebrating my career - from stenographer to engineer to development manager to line director and now author. Today I crossed the 50,000 word target for #NaNoWriMo and I'm still going. Finishing my first novel is a major milestone. Additionally, Guidepost magazine is publishing my 2nd story (March issue). Today the editor called to clarify a few items. I'll soon be receiving the final draft for my approval. Today I lift a glass to the good Lord who guides me, my loving shepherd.

I'm celebrating family - Thanksgiving is less than a week away. I'm praying that the entire clan will be together for Thanksgiving...for the first time since (I'd have marked the calendar if I'd realized it was going to be the last time) maybe 2003.

But I'm also humbled and reminded to be grateful for all that I have and to take none of it for granted. Twitter and the World of Blogcraft have been alive with prayers for a woman I've never met, Anissa Mayhew. There are a lot of people that I respect who have written posts or Tweets that have pulled at my heart and called me into the powerful circle of prayer in the on-line community. Anissa's life has been filled with valleys and mountains. She's proven to be strong and faithful (based on all that I've read I firmly believe this to be true). She and her family need our prayers. I gladly lift up my prayers and ask that you join in.

God, Please show Your strength, Your mercy and Your grace. Bless this woman again, as You've so richly blessed her during previous trials. Be with her. Be with her family. Infuse her with Your Spirit. Only You can help her recover from the strokes that threaten her. Through Your steadfast faithfulness I trust You to show us Your power & might. All glory is Yours. Amen.

Where did the words go?

2009-11-17T07:11:00.004-06:00

I posted "Where did the time go?" on my other blog this morning. I was surprised to realize a month has elapsed since my last post there.

The sister question to "Where did the time go?" is "Where did the words go?"

It shouldn't surprise anyone who knows me that I am a woman of many words. I can blah, blah, blah with the best of 'em. As a means of expressing those many words I've dabbled in blogging, writing about 450 posts between the 2 blogs. Most of those posts have been written since September '08. In April of this year I joined the Twitter-masses, posting musings and news of my life in 140-characters or less. Apparently I've found 1388 things to say there - Twitter counts my tweets, keeping track for me.

For the last 2+ weeks the words that I've been tracking, guarding closely, watching and nurturing are all going into the novel I'm writing as part of NaNoWriMo - National Novel Writers Month.

It's been a completely different writing experience - nothing like Twitter, nothing like blogs, nothing like monthly articles for newsletters. In October I'd imagined that I'd write a mystery. At the last minute, for many reasons, I decided to write about three couples at various stages of relationship. I wanted to develop characters (6!) and write believable dialogue and effectively express a story (or stories) of interest in thoughts that expanded beyond 140 characters and in plot-lines that carried beyond a day or two of introspection. I also wanted to develop the habit of writing every day.

I wake up every morning and thank God for blessing me with the desire and the ability to act on that desire. I've written over 37,000 words and I hope to cross 50,000 (the goal-line) by the time I go to bed this Friday. By the end of the month I'll be on a plane back to China for another 2-week business trip. I'm looking forward to the new adventures and writing opportunities I might find along the way. I have a non-fiction work on the back-burner already and I have ideas brewing for future fiction and non-fiction efforts.

They say it takes 30 days to change a habit and I'm definitely well on my way through the transition. I look forward to every opportunity to meet with my characters and follow them through their adventures and misadventures. When I cross the finish line, posting my first novel on the NaNoWriMo validator, I'm not finished! Nope. I'm just turning the page on the adventures and misadventures of my own life. In the absence of deadline pressure I'll have to rely on self-discipline to continue the new habit of daily writing.

Three years ago I made the declaration that I wanted to be a writer. I've been writing - my blogs, Twitter, the Trumpet and Guideposts are evidence of that. By the end of the month, 50,000 words will allow me to declare myself a novelist. A novelist in search of a publisher, maybe, but still a novelist. The desire, discipline and the daily habit of writing will enable me to do more. This experience has already changed me and I'm not done yet.

Stay tuned, the best is yet to come.

Guest post – How to Stay Young!

2009-11-12T18:50:00.005-06:00

This was forwarded to me. Given my intense focus on writing a novel as part of NaNoWriMo I'm going to "borrow" this as a way of blowing the dust off of this blog.

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them...that's why you pay 'them.'

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. 'An idle mind is the devil's workshop'...and the devil's name is Alzheimer's.

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, conifers, hostas, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

AND ......ALWAYS REMEMBER:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

And if you don't send this to at least 8 people - who cares?
But do share this with someone… We all need to live life to its fullest each day!

Worry about nothing, pray about everything!

Amen.

Sunday's Study: Judges 17 - Micah and his idols

2009-11-08T13:58:00.004-06:00

Micah lived in a time when lifestyle choices where "anything goes" ... maybe not unlike today. He chose to set up a shrine (including idols) in his home. He hired a priest to make it legitimate. The priest's greed allowed him to set aside what is right regarding proper worship and obedience to God's will.

Today there are a lot of people who consider themselves believers yet they set aside what is right regarding proper worship and obedience to God's will. Their idols may not be images or objects of worship - their idols may be self-serving ideals they keep in their hearts. Just because it feels good and has been legitimized by some authority, doesn't make it sanctioned or sanctified by God.

Off & running

2009-11-07T14:26:00.003-06:00

It's been a challenging first week. Work has been exceptionally trying with a team of Taiwanese co-workers in town for a series of all day meetings. I found myself as the chief notetaker and driver of actions. The only saving grace was the lack of night time conference calls. Regardless, by Friday evening I was exhausted. I came home and submersed myself in about 5 hours of NCIS, Criminal Minds and CSI...back-to-back episodes of murder and mayhem. Skipping a day of writing penalized my progress and my momentum. Today I'm plugging away trying to get back on track. I'd intended to go to a write-in but it's all I can do to keep slogging away here. I don't feel up to driving anywhere on the gamble that my motivation and inspiration will improve.

Lord, without You I'm nothing. With You, all things are possible. Be with me as I continue to spill words, to tell this story You've put on my heart. Let the pages be filled with Your love. By Your grace.

Ready? Set....

2009-10-31T08:00:00.004-05:00

How many people woke up today thinking about preparations for Halloween? I woke up thinking about preparations for NaNoWriMo. I'm again reminded more of pregnancy and labor/delivery than anything else. My thoughts have been all about the coming date: November 1st. The start of labor. The beginning of a month-long delivery. By November 30th I'll have birthed a novel. Excited & scared? Yes! Ready? Who knows?

Today I'll be prepping the house, just like a did in the days before delivering babies. I feel like I'm nesting. My home office, my bedroom, my bathroom, my closet, etc. I want all of it to be clean, somewhat organized, "ready" for a distraction-free period. I will not have time to sort clothes (Fall/Winter finally arriving in Central Texas - it's time to put away T-shirts and dig out sweaters!) or let myself get sucked into petty distractions. I'm clearing all of the clutter as I prepare for this adventure.

I've been trying to prepare the family as well, but I'm not sure if they get it. I'm not sure if I get it so I guess I shouldn't be too surprised or disappointed. I need them in my cheering section, not contributing to the distractions. Life is busy enough.

This morning I listened to the 4 tips for week 1 and I can't help but worry that I'm only good for the last item. Item 3 will take great effort.

1) Go to "Write-In" (group noveling sessions)

2) Go big early: Write 2-5k words on November 1st

3) Do not revise: "Revision is for December"

4) It's okay to not know where the story is going: that'll come in week 3 or 4

Tomorrow, Day 1: Church and children will consume most of the 1st half of the day. Then I'm going to the Kairos closing at Barlett jail. The local Write-In conflicts with the Bartlett closing.

I'm looking forward to seeing how many words I can write as I work my way around all of the planned activities. Although the average daily word count is 1,667 I'm targeting 2k/day because I know there will be days when I may not get much written. This week I will not have conference calls because key members from the Taiwan team will be in Austin. There may be dinners scheduled. Courtesy dictates attendance (but not necessarily lingering so I'll eat 'n run). Next week and after - I've told my boss I may need some time off.

I've been marking the calendar with all of my November commitments. Fortunately it looks like my business trip to China may squeeze into December so that's a relief. Meanwhile, everything else? Weighed against progress on my word count. Which is why I need to front-end load the daily writing. Some of the commitments and conflicts of time/interest (like the photo-shoot for Guideposts - my story will be in the March issue) can't be avoided.

Meanwhile, I had to explain to my husband (again) that I won't be available to join him for TV-watching. I know he supports me but the reality hasn't really set in for him yet. He needs to understand that the word flow will be like the dwarf bamboo that wants to take over our back yard. The words, sentences, paragraphs, pages will grow & multiply filling all available space during the month of November. I like that image. Let the words flow and grow. Pruning and weeding will come in December.

I do feel God is pleased with the basic premise & characters He's brought to mind. I pray that I can do justice to these ideas and bring the story to life. May God be with us!

Because I have nothing better to do...I'm ready to go!

2009-10-28T21:19:00.004-05:00

I have been pining for a while. Pining and whining. I'm ready for a change. I've been ready for a change. On two separate occasions (once in 2005, once in 2008) I've started novels. Like miscarriages, conceived but never fully developed.

Now, I'm 3 days away from the wildest writing ride of my life. Wilder than last year's NaBloPoMo. Wilder than the last few weeks spent warming up on my non-fiction work. I'm pregnant, expectant, ready to deliver. I think my water's broken. I'm at the cusp of full-blown labor pains. NaNoWriMo.

I'm in awe. Afraid yet alive with excitement. Nervous energy wells as I edge closer to the precipice. When I wake up Sunday morning I will be at the start of something that will change me. It is inevitable. I will not leave this experience the same as when I started - no matter how the birthing process goes. I'm ready to shout it to the world. And, God willing, by the end of November I will.

"I'm a novelist!"

Alleluia!

Monday Madness - perspective

2009-10-26T08:17:00.004-05:00

Sometimes life is all about perspective. Glasses that are half full are also half empty. Joy is a choice we make. A gift of grace available to each of us, but a gift that must be accepted. Because joy is a matter of perspective.

A few weeks ago I signed up for the National Novel Writer's Month (NaNoWriMo) experience. I can tell you a million reasons why I don't have time for this. I can fill my heart with fear and self-recriminations. Or I can choose joy and hope, faithful that if it's God's will, then it will happen and confident that if it's not - it doesn't matter.

I will remind myself daily to "be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." (Romans 12:12)

By stepping out in faith and free-falling into the unknown I have to trust Him. I will embrace Paul's prayer to the Romans "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."(Romans 15:13)

Meanwhile, this week feels like my last week of freedom.

Sunday's Study: Judges 16 - Samson & Delilah

2009-10-25T19:33:00.003-05:00

Samson, a man of God, was clearly foolish when it came to women. After his brief, tragic marriage and his rendezvous with a prostitute, he met and fell in love with Delilah - yet another Philistine woman. His destiny was to be the beginning of the end for the Philistines. Samson is a reminder that God uses us all through His strength and our weakness. Samson had a weakness for women and he was weak with women. Or maybe his weakness was his ego.

After 3 times of Delilah asking how to tie him up and subdue him and 3 times demonstrating her intention to do just that, he finally (on the 4th round) tells her the secret of his strength - to his own undoing.

When God was not with him, he was overtaken. Later, when he prayed for God to be with him, his strength returned. He is called out in Hebrews as a man of faith. His faith ultimately enabled him to fulfill God's will for him. That is all that any of us can hope for.

It's a Banner Day!

2009-10-24T09:57:00.004-05:00

In the beginning there was a standard template bearing the title of this blog "A Mother's Angst. Soon after that I jazzed it up with the emo weeping eye. I've wept so many times over my children it seemed appropriate.
I've been open about my angst, my sorrows, and sometimes my joy. The banner evolved to reflect my evolution from pervasive sorrow to the overriding joy given to us through God's grace.
Today the banner takes another step forward. I may tweak it a bit but this is closer to what I've imagined for a while now. I'm reading the book of Jeremiah and I'm overwhelmed by the example God sets for us. I can relate to God's frustration with His children, the people of Israel & Judah. Jeremiah 31 is all about restoration. I pray for the restoration of my relationships with my grown children. Meanwhile, I thank God for all that I've learned and am able to share with others.

Sunday's Study: Judges 15 - Samson

2009-10-18T18:44:00.004-05:00

If you watched the video for Chapter 14, you can jump about 2 1/2 minutes into today's lesson. Today's portion of Samson's biographer required some of the history previously covered.

I'm struck by how wonderful God is. We're created in His image, but because we're not God we're flawed. We're blessed and cursed with free will. We're so darn HUMAN!!!

Samson is an excellent example of an imperfect human who is used as an instrument by God. Samson takes the Israelites on their first step in the journey to break free of the Philistines.

Samson's life continues following his failed marriage. When he attempts to reconcile with his wife, he discovers she's been handed off to his best man! He strikes back, attacking the Philistines by burning their harvest. They retaliate. He retaliates. Life goes on.

When the power of the Holy Spirit comes upon us we can do awesome things. The hard part is avoiding sin during those lulls when we're not feeling particularly moved by the Spirit.

"Oh, What a Tangled Web We Weave...

2009-10-17T16:50:00.008-05:00

...when first we practice to deceive." Sir Walter Scott

Once I read something that Neil posted on his blog and was flabbergasted...then realized he writes the best fiction I've ever found on the Internet. Bless him, he's good!

Not long ago I was floored again - this time by the horribly immature response of Alice Hoffman to a mixed review of her novel. Not a bad review, just a mixed review. She proceeded to attack the reviewer via Twitter: she posted the reviewer's e-mail and telephone number and she told "her fans" to contact the reviewer directly. This was a published author behaving quite badly, demonstrating for all how a lack of personal restraint can lead to public embarrassment and subsequent apologies. We've seen this sort of behavior from Hollywood denizens for years. Although Alice may wish to be remembered for her noble statements or her novels, she left a legacy with her hasty remarks. In the backlash of public reaction she deleted her Twitter account, but the Internet has memory and Google cache retained the information for some time.

Today I've been taken aback again by the drama played out between Nic and the TSA. Although Nic has "darkened" her blog (Update: her blog is up and she's posted an apology of sorts), her post is still out there. After I watched the TSA video I did a quick Google search and found her post among the many related hits.

I'd love to believe Nic's story because she tells it with passion and it's compelling - but the same can be said for Neil's work of fiction. One big difference - Neil didn't attack a public entity. Neil didn't create a campaign. Nic not only posted her rant, but she also posted this item on the "People's Blog" which includes a link to her post. I found several others who had taken up her cause. Only some had updated with the TSA's counterclaim. Google is an awesome and scary tool when it comes to research. Nic should know that her full name, home address and phone number turned up in my simple search for her story.

Today Maggie wrote a post expressing her dismay over the situation and some aspects of human behavior. Maggie's far more eloquent than I - I encourage you to read her thoughts for yourself. If you read this you know I'm way ahead of her, worried on her behalf about the responsibility she's shouldered in passing on information that may be difficult to verify.

In August, Nic told a story on Violence Unsilenced. Was her story there true? Perhaps Nic struggles with reality, or maybe she's writing fiction and wants to know that her stories are believable or maybe she just has a flair for the dramatic. Today's drama casts doubt on her tale, like the boy who cried wolf. "Even when liars tell the truth, they are never believed. The liar will lie once, twice, and then perish when he tells the truth."

I'm a regular reader of the Violence Unsilenced posts. Because I want my comments on the VU site to be prayerful and meaningful, I take the time to visit (whenever they're available) the blogs of the victims. I want to understand them better, to appreciate their circumstances. That's how I found myself torn by Kelly's recent post on the VU site. Her blog took me to her husband's blog and between the two of them I pieced together a story of two people who are in a bad place, both culpable. It's hard for me to identify one person as abuser and one as victim - they seem to share these roles. After spending half their lives together they know where each other's buttons are and they push them. I am still praying for them - their story has touched my heart.

But Kelly posted her accusations on a well-regarded blog and thereby afforded credibility to her side of the story. But just as we see with Nic and TSA, there are two sides to every story. It's damaging to yourself and to others if you build up your self-righteous attitude based on the misguided indignation you've inspired with your half-truths.

And then there's the mixed blessing of social media. Another TSA vs. passenger drama happened in June 2007 and was also "outed" with video footage. In that video the TSA comes off less wholesome, yet the TSA still disclosed the full video. 2+ years ago Twitter wasn't as widely adopted (and blogs weren't as broadly embraced) and available for the viral spreading of the woman's claims.

In the end, each of us must decide whether we're going to walk around (or browse the Internet) believing everything we're told and taking up the sword for others with moral outrage based purely on their moral outrage .... or believing nothing because the world is filled with liars .... or having to apply ourselves to the arduous task of discerning the truth and deciding what we're willing to believe based on what we know.

The world is filled with people who tell lies. That is the truth. Nic may have believed what she posted was true but her memories might have been distorted by the anxiety and frustration experienced during her delay. Or maybe she has "issues." I don't know Nic, but she created a cloud of doubt and uncertainty that is probably warranted.

"Only simpletons believe everything they're told!" (Proverbs 14:15)

A worthwhile follow-up as the drama continues.

Update: the TSA has now posted additional video footage from multiple angles.

Meanwhile, the blogging firestorm continues.

Fearless, by Max Lucado

2009-10-14T20:23:00.006-05:00

From the first pages of Max Lucado’s Fearless I was intrigued and eager for more. He lays the foundation by asking, “Why are we afraid?” and outlining the many forms that fear takes. He makes such points as “fear doesn’t share our hearts with happiness” and “fear never saved a marriage”. Each chapter opens with scripture and is steeped in Biblical references. He puts scripture in context, ties in history, personal anecdotes and examples for immediate application.

I was especially taken by the fifth chapter, “My Child is in Danger.” The opening scripture is Luke 8:50. Max expands on the story of Jairus’ daughter who died before Christ arrived to heal her. Although other examples of parental love and faith are highlighted, Jairus’ tale is a shining reflection of Jesus valuing family and rewarding parents’ faith. Max reminds us that before our children are “ours” they are His.

“Pour out your heart like water before the face of the LORD. Lift your hands toward Him for the life of your young children.” (Lamentations 2:19) We’re encouraged by Max’s exhortations “Parents, we can do this. We can be loyal advocates, stubborn intercessors.” He creates a view of the grim alternatives if we don’t. How do we find balance, avoiding the extremes? By prayer! Pray for them and pray with them.

This hit close to my heart. I hope other parents embrace the prayerful parenting style. I trusted God with so much of my life but hoarded the burden of parenting, letting fear dominate.

Whether your weakness is fear for your children, your retirement, your own mortality or any of the other scenarios presented, there is surely something here for you. I often thought of people who might benefit from Max’s scripture-based lessons. There is a helpful section in the back for group or individual reflection on how fear can affect our lives and what we can do about it. I will be picking up extra copies of Fearless to share with some of the folks I love.

I am a member of Thomas Nelson’s Book Review Blogger program: http://brb.thomasnelson.com/

October: Domestic Violence Awareness Month

2009-10-13T18:02:00.005-05:00

Maybe you know this already, but the statistics for domestic violence and sexual assault are grim. Girls and boys are exposed to inappropriate sexual content on a regular basis. I'm worried for our children, especially our daughters. 1 out of every four is likely to be a victim. It pains me to think about the households that are filled with tension, anger, violence and struggles for survival. Every empathetic fiber of my being cries out for the justice and freedom of the oppressed.

To balance that is a firm belief that couples united in faith (i.e. pledging their vows before God) should be committed to do everything in their power to make their marriages work. Having entered into a holy partnership, subject to a divine covenant, how do you know when to hit the "escape" button? "Should I stay or should I go?" must tear at the hearts of the victims.

There's a web site that provides an outlet for victims. A safe haven, as it were. A place to speak out against the abuse they've survived. But something happened there that has left me disturbed.

How does the moderator, a modern saint, protect the site against false accusations? I'm not talking about blatant, malicious attacks against the innocent - that's the foundation of most of the unsilenced voices. No, I'm talking about someone speaking out against their spouse, telling their side of a very two-sided story. Calling out their partner for "abuse" without confessing to their own role in the sad state of affairs.

Most abuse is one-sided. There's an abuser and a victim. Sometimes, however, couples develop unhealthy relationships based on power struggles, battles for control, efforts to wound and retaliate against wrongs, both real and imaginary. The roles of abuser and victim are blurred, shared, ill-defined. She dresses provocatively, wearing low cut blouses, showing cleavage, flirting, starved for attention. He's jealous and angry, resenting the attention she gets from others, even though he doesn't show her enough attention himself. Anger, distrust and hurt brew in the subtext of every conversation. Words that can never be reclaimed are hurled during the heat of anger. Names are called. Ugly, hateful names. Because in the depth of their pain they each want their beloved to hurt as much as they do.

Worse, they began to seek allies outside of their partnership. Others who will support "their side". "Friends" who tell them "You should leave your partner! They're a scoundrel! You deserve better!" Worst yet - when seeking support from someone of the opposite sex. This bolsters the individual ego "Hey! I'm not so bad. This guy/gal likes me. Why can't my spouse see what they see." And the partner? This new ally is the enemy and the very relationship is a betrayal, fostering even more hurt and distrust. Don't kid yourself folks, it's not innocent. If you must find someone to talk to, seek a counselor. If you have friends that support you, stick with same-sex friends. Don't feign innocence defending your opposite sex ally. Your partner has every reason to object, even if nothing is happening.

My heart is hurting for a couple that is in the throes of a public separation. I've been reading both of their sides and I see from within. I've been there. I've lived through this. I can testify that this hard time can be survived, but in order to do so the idea of "right/wrong" must be abandoned. There is not going to be one victor and one loser, just as there is not one abuser and one victim. This relationship can be mended when these two people recognize that their love for each other is their best ally. Changes will be slow and there will be back-slides, but the man I was ready to leave (let go) 10 years ago is the same man I can't imagine life without today, tomorrow, until death do us part. I speak from experience.

I pray for this couple, I pray for my husband and myself, I pray for all couples everywhere. Relationships are hard.

The world is filled with people who are willing to throw their commitments into the fire and move on to the next one - and they'll encourage you to do the same. Don't listen. Pray. Seek help from sources who support your effort to work through the changes you both must make. Pray some more. Focus on what YOU must change and hold on to your love. Don't imagine the grass is greener elsewhere. Things have gotten bleak but you can get past this. These hard times can make you stronger. I'm praying for you.

Sunday's Study: Judges 14 - Samson's Marriage

2009-10-11T17:56:00.005-05:00

In Judges 13 we are introduced to Samson's parents, Manoah and an unnamed woman. In Judges 14 we are introduced to Samson and his bride (who also goes unnamed. Did you know he was married before he met Delilah?).

Samson spots a woman in Timnah and decides she's "the one". He insists his parents arrange their marriage, even though she was a Philistine. This was all part of God's plan, as foretold by the angel in Chapter 13 - that Samson would "begin the deliverance of Israel from the hands of the Philistines." Does it seem strange that Samson marries a Philistine in order to deliver his people from the Philistines?

It is good to know that God is sovereign in all things. We don't need to know or understand His plan, we just need to submit to the power of the Spirit.

Thirst for Wisdom - Water, precious water

2009-10-08T21:42:00.011-05:00

One important fact about my international travels is my perpetual, almost unquenchable thirst. These three bottles may not look like much, but they are souvenirs of my trip to China. The large (right-most) bottle "Eventide" was purchased before the trip specifically to be filled once I was inside the airport. I'm so prone to dehydration during the flight and I'm averse to paying $3 for a small bottle of water at the airport and they never do seem able to satisfy my need once I board. So I brought my own bottle, filled it in Austin and refilled it in LA before the "long leg" of the journey - crossing the Pacific.

Once in Taipei I was forced to purchase airport water ("don't drink the local water" applies to Taiwan and China). When I landed at the airport in Shanghai I was parched! Absolutely arid. From the time I disembarked at the airport, traipsing through the terminal, going through Immigration, getting my luggage, going through Customs, spotting my driver and walking to the parking lot I was scoping for someplace to buy water. I felt like Carson from "The Good, The Bad and The Ugly" croaking "water, water..." As we were leaving the parking lot I spotted a vending machine with bottled water and I made the driver pull over (just short of pulling the wheel over myself). I jumped out and ran over to the machine only to discover that I didn't have any bills small enough. Fortunately the driver graciously bought me a bottle of water. Maybe it was the wild look in my eyes.

Eastern hotels that serve Westerners typically provide bottled water, and the Swissotel in Kunshan was no exception. But I noted there would be a charge if I went over my allotted two bottles a day so every day I boiled water in the room using the handy gadget provided for just that purpose. I refilled the large bottle I brought with me every day, as well as every bottle I acquired along the way. Including refilling the used "hotel" bottles from prior days. I stashed bottles in my suitcase. I became a water hoarder. I didn't go anywhere without a load of at least a gallon of water.

At the factory there were large bottles (similar to Ozarka) of water which I used to refill my bottles during the day. I am not exaggerating. One of the dramas I'll tell as a side line which plays in here is that I was diagnosed with a UTI right before the trip. I was not going to skimp on the water.

On the 1st Saturday I spent in China I enjoyed a day trip to Shanghai. I met up with a friend of mine who spent the weekend there, staying at the Hyatt. At the end of our day-long adventure I'd drained all of my bottles of water so my friend let me take one of her bottles from the Hyatt. That's the brown bottle in the middle. Because of its size - 20oz (550ml) bottle instead of the standard 17oz (500ml) issued by the Swissotel - I held onto that prize.

Finally, at the end of the trip I was prepared to return to the US. I brought with me the large Eventide bottle and the Hyatt bottle, draining them both on the hour and a half trip from the hotel to the airport. Note to self: Use the restroom BEFORE getting in the line to get boarding pass. When I took this picture I was still 30 minutes away from relief.

Also, my now empty water bottles were not going to be refilled until I got back to the States.
Once I was back at the Taipei airport, I purchased more water (the Eau Claire bottle on the left in the top picture). The "Beer Bar" photo was taken in Taipei on my way to Shanghai, but it shows the water so I figured I'd show it here. I actually bought the bottle at the "snack bar" that sold me these delicious dumplings I enjoyed on my way out of town. My next stop was LA where I refilled my water bottles and chowed down on Tex-Mex.

So after such a long journey, it is symbolic that empty water bottles sit amongst my souvenirs. Seeking God in our lives is like having unquenchable thirst. No matter how many times we slake our thirst, our relationship is not one of instant or eternal satisfaction. We must return and revisit the source of all good things in our life. We should never feel satisfied in a way that causes us to relax and stop seeking. We should always be on the lookout for His grace that blesses us, nourishes us, replenishes our souls.

A Walk in the Park...in Kunshan, China

2009-10-03T19:17:00.020-05:00

In front of the Swissotel there's a guy sitting on a bench, playing the saxophone.

Beside the hotel is a nice promenade where children and adults occasionally played with the pebbles and the running water.(I missed catching them in the act, but you may notice the water around the base - there was a lot of traffic in the water.)

Behind the hotel there's a small ensemble playing in the beer garden. I could almost hear the music.

In the park behind the hotel, there was an area for Tai Chi or other arts of the East.

The waterway was peaceful. The art, interesting. The air, fresh. A nice break from the smog.

I enjoyed my walk. I enjoyed the peace and the solitude. It was a quiet Sunday afternoon in the city of Kunshan.

The Noticer by Andy Andrews

2009-09-30T18:47:00.006-05:00

If you've been fortunate enough to meet someone who always seems to distill a situation down to its core elements and offer a point of view that resonates with your soul, then you'll probably recognize that someone in Andy Andrews' novel The Noticer.

The Noticer is a heartwarming tale of an apparently ageless old man, Jones, whose visits to a small town help bring about positive changes in the lives of many. Although Jones highlights his gift for noticing things that others overlook, it is really his ability to offer alternative perspectives that helps lead people to wise choices.

I enjoyed the lifestyle-improvement tips woven into the storyline. In his first meeting with the main character Jones acknowledges that through our own bad choices and decisions we may find ourselves in difficult circumstances. It is through good choices that we can direct ourselves into better circumstances. Jones advises, “What we focus on increases.” Later, in an encounter with a couple considering divorce, the principles of Gary Chapman’s “Love Languages” are well exemplified.

Jones explains to a group of teens that wisdom is “the ability to see, into the future, the consequences of your choices in the present.” He offers the people he encounters a way to envision their future given the path they’re on and he paints an alternate future available through a shifted perspective.

The Noticer can easily be read in one or two sessions but the book is so filled with pearls of wisdom I've found myself drawn back to revisit key points. This story bears reading and re-reading. I have already found occasion to share anecdotes from the story and I hope to continue to spread these words of wisdom.

Sunday's Study: Judges 13 - Samson's Conception & Birth

2009-09-27T17:19:00.005-05:00

In Judges 13, Manoah's sterile wife (never named) encounters an angel of the Lord who foretells of the conception and birth of Samson. Other notable sterile-women-who-became-mothers-after-divine-intervention: Sarah, mother of Isaac; Rebekah, mother of Jacob; Hannah, mother of Samuel; Elizabeth, mother of John the Baptist.

The angel instructs Samson's parents to raise him as a Nazirite: no alcohol, no unclean food and no haircuts. A Nazirite vow was most often temporary. It was exceptional for parents to commit their child to a lifetime as a Nazirite.

Samson was a member of the Dan tribe. He grew up wandering around the yet-unconquered land they inherited. During his visits to the tribe's army camps, God stirred his heart and moved Samson along the path prepared for him. Although Samson began the journey of deliverance from the Philistines, the journey wasn't completed until the time of David.

Do you feel a stirring in your heart? Are you allowing God to use you as He intends? Your role may be to start something without ever seeing it finished. Be faithful in seeking God's will and be obedient - even if you don't see results.

We may not know how our role fits in, for now...we're all part of a much bigger story.

China - more of the 1st week

2009-09-25T18:56:00.004-05:00

Sunday evening I left Austin, arriving at the factory (almost straight from the airport) Tuesday afternoon. Every day was filled from with meetings, conference calls, and build activities. I ate dinner in my room Tues, Wed & Thursday. I had a "traditional Chinese massage" Tuesday night and a foot massage Wednesday night. Both were worthy investments.

Friday evening, after another long day, my Program Manager took me to a China Mobile store to buy a local sim card for an old phone I brought with me. I ended up buying a local phone because my old phone was "locked" (long story not worth going into here). Finally I had the ability to communicate with folks locally - very helpful given the size of the factory and the fact that the Taipei teams are in separate rooms on opposite sides of the factory.

After making the phone purchase Molder & I stopped in a DVD store. These are stores of some notoriety because they are filled with "knock-off" copies of DVD's. I didn't buy any movies, but it certainly is an impressive sight to see the "wall of videos" in no apparent order. Of note, there was a local woman there who wanted to purchase a copy of "Drag Me to Hell". At least I assume that's why she kept breaking out of her mandarin to say "Drag Me to Hell."

Next we went to a restaurant and joined 2 reps from an antenna supplier. The dinner tales are best told in person. I'll just say that my companions were drinking both beer and wine (they'd ordered beer but maybe felt obliged to help me with the wine). I really can't do dinner justice here, but here are some photos which might give a sense of the food and the company.

After getting back to the hotel, I finally had the "oil massage" I was anticipating Thursday. It was not at all what I expected. The listing had said "90 minutes" so I assumed they meant "90 minutes" (the other massages lasted as long as the time listed on the "menu"). Instead it was 60 minutes. When I asked afterward they said "Oh, we allow 30 minutes for your shower". What? When they took me back for the massage they told me the girl would be there in a few minutes. When she came in she asked something about a shower but when I asked for clarification she said effectively "nevermind." After each massage I was served tea and hustled out of there so I'm not sure when I was supposed to take a 30 minute shower. The trouble with complaining is everyone's English seemed to get worse when I tried to get clarification afterward.

As a side story about the tea served after the massage... After my traditional Chinese massage they served ginger tea. I fell in love with ginger tea last year - it's very soothing for the stomach. After the oil massage I asked if the tea was ginger tea and she said "Oh, you want ginger tea?!?" and she ran off with the tea she'd brought me. She came back with ginger tea. Typically the tea has an hour to cool off (they bring the tea at the start of the massage) so the ginger tea was too hot to drink. When I mentioned that I was hustled out of there after the massage, what I'm referring to is to this: after a few minutes of waiting for the tea to cool off (and I will admit that the charming girl graciously continued to massage my shoulders during these few minutes) she asked if should could pour out the remainder of my water in the water bottle I'd brought with me. After I nodded my assent she poured out the water and poured the too-hot-to-drink tea into the water bottle. So I could leave. Right now, thank you. "Hustled out," wouldn't you say?

But if I overlook the feeling that I was ripped off because my 90 minute massage was a 60 minute massage, it was a nice treat. I did have to suspend modesty but I won't bother you with the sordid details. It was an experience and that's what I'm all about on these Asian adventures.

The journey began: China-bound

2009-09-24T19:01:00.009-05:00

I left for China on September 8th. After a 28hour flight schedule (including layovers in LA and Taipei) I arrived in Shanghai.

Here's the beer bar in the Taipei airport where I relaxed from ~6am to 8am. I met a lovely couple from Canada and we compared tech notes - specifically the fact that in order to access Facebook and Twitter, you had to set up a VPN. "ItsHidden" worked for me at the Taipei airport, although I had mixed results once I was in China.

Here's the immigration line in Shanghai. There was a "no photos" sign that I ignored (I'm a bit of a rebel) because I felt compelled to capture the moment. For most Americans, it's a bit unusual to have to get in the line for "Foreigners". Through an odd twist of fate I was one of the last passengers on my flight to get through the process. I wish I'd snapped an image of my driver. Seeing someone holding a sign with your name on it is immensely reassuring after such a long journey.

And finally, here's the view from my room at the Swissotel in Kunshan(notice - I just missed a beer festival!). I checked into the hotel at about 1:30 then went straight to the factory. Have I mentioned that the reason for this trip was the first prototype build for the product I'm responsible for? There's nothing like spending 33 hours in the same clothes then showing up for work. Fortunately, the factory is not a fashion mecca.

After putting in about four hours covering the build in-progress, I retired to my room for some much needed zzzzzz's. And so ended Day 1 in China.

I'm back! Starting with a story about "Messages"

2009-09-23T16:53:00.003-05:00

I had a delightful trip to China. Delightful in that work was productive, play was adventuresome and there were no incidents of barfing. Out of about 8 or so trips to Asia (China, Taiwan and Malaysia) this is only the 2nd time I've avoided getting sick during the trip. The consequence is apparently going to be a painful bout of jet-lag.

I plan to post a series of tales, with photos. My family received regular e-mails from me, telling of my adventures but without photos. My access to the internet during my stay was flaky at best - I was only occasionally able to access facebook or Twitter (and even then I randomly lost my connection).

I'm starting with a post that ties into the theme of a Blog Carnival, hosted by a friend. Then I'll pick up from the beginning and tell the tales in ~chronological order.

Messages

As a preamble to this story I should explain an interesting traffic phenomenon of the Orient. There are some laws that are strictly followed and some are strictly disregarded. Very few drivers travel in excess of the posted limit. Very few drivers pay any attention to the stripes painted on the roads. This latter behavior is evident in the propensity to make 4 lanes out of 3, and to use oncoming lanes for passing. Or left turns. Really, just whatever is convenient. Since the roads are shared with bicycles, skooters and pedestrians, I'm always amazed that there are not very many accidents here - these guys are serious defensive drivers. But I digress.

I mention the disregard for lanes because this behavior came into play during one of my morning swims. The Swiss Hotel (actually the "Swissotel") has a 3 lane pool with no lane dividers - just the 3 stripes on the pool bottom. When I arrived one morning to find a man in the first lane and another man in the 3rd lane, each of them swimming the breast stroke, I was not thrilled but I figured if I stuck to freestyle and backstroke I'd be okay.

About 15 minutes into my swim a 4th swimmer joined us. Although she was a petite little thing, she was also swimming breaststroke - apparently a local favorite. In true Asian fashion she simply joined us, forcing a 4th lane where there should be 3. After getting almost clipped by a kick from a passing swimmer, I gave up.

I was remorseful until I got to my room and realized I was off in calculating the timing of my morning routine! So, in the end I was delighted to have been "forced out" of the pool. I was only a few minutes late for breakfast.

Everything happens for a reason. More importantly, we should listen for messages in any given situation. There may not be a clear connection here, but that is in the fault of the storyteller. In the moment, I felt a clear message to wrap up my swim. When I came to appreciate the benefit of that message, I had no doubt but to assign credit to God for His gracious intervention. Had I continued swimming I would have undoubtedly inconvenienced others.

How often do we ignore the messages that are sent our way? It's so easy in our busy, noisy lives to focus on the hustle and bustle and ignore the quiet whispers that might nudge us one way or another. One of the things I enjoyed about being disconnected for 2 weeks (in a part of the world where English was limited or non-existent), was the forced period of solitude and introspection. Even in a crowd, I was alone. I could speak, but I couldn't make myself understood. I could hear, but I couldn't understand. I was forced to listen with my whole self.

God, I pray that my heart remains uncalloused; that my eyes may see and my ears may hear as You guide me on Your path. No matter where I go, may I remain connected to You. (Matthew 13:1-23)

I'm on my way...to China

2009-09-06T22:42:00.003-05:00

Work's been busy, no doubt. Conference calls in the morning and at night. And while I sleep? The team in Taipei is busy working, sending e-mail, filling my inbox. It's so easy to start every day with 30 minutes of "inbox clean-up". But I've been resisting the temptation and spending my early hours either in prayer or in pursuit of other challenges.

In the grand scheme of things, work is taking up way too much of my time. Case in point - I'm sitting in the LA airport killing time during a 6-hour layover on my way to China for the first proto-type build of the product I'm responsible for. I'm about 18 hours away from hitting the ground in Shanghai. From there I'll go to the factory for a meeting. Then to my hotel to collapse. I'm just guessing on that last agenda item.

I dream of what's next. What's next?

What's going on?

2009-08-26T11:21:00.003-05:00

Last weekend I attended the Women of Faith conference in Dallas. As with all Spirit-filled retreats, the event triggered a time of reflection - "what's next". Friday morning I woke up at 4:30am and was out the door by 5:30am, on the road in what proved to be a joyful period of solitude. But not really alone - alone with the Spirit.

During the 10-3:30 portion of the conference I remained "alone" - in fact I didn't catch up with the women of CEC until just before dinner. For the evening portion, we climbed to the highest possible row in the arena. A nosebleed seat, yes, but we reassured ourselves that we were closer to God.
The praise music was uplifting, but at the end of the day I wasn't sure what I was supposed to be hearing in the message. There was a lot more pushing of WorldVision than I needed to hear. I blame my lack of TV-watching but I felt like I'd paid to be subjected to an infomercial. Sitting as high as we were, it was harder to feel connected and it was challenging to stand up and fully appreciate the music (dizzying vertigo was a constant risk).

The evening ended with a performance by Steven Curtis Chapman, which counts as a high note. He was joined by his teen sons and his wife sent tweets - a wonderful family affair. Following @womenoffaith on Twitter definitely added to my experience.

Day 2 included a Tweet-up experience. During the lunch break there was a gathering of Tweeters. I met and added "followers", Jeanette was able to visit with Sheila Walsh (the only speaker who joined the Twitter crowd), I met Michael Hyatt (publisher) and I won the door prize (a bag of books & 1 CD):
Guys Are Waffles, Girls Are Spaghetti by Chad Eastham
Redefining Beautiful by Jenna Lucado
Take Your Best Shot by Austin Gutwein
Knockout Entrepreneur by George Foreman
Beautiful Mess The Story of Diamond Rio
Relentless CD by Natalie Grant

Since the conference, I've been wading in the warm introspective waters of prayerful consideration. I'm feeling more liberated than I have in a long time. I'm focusing on freeing myself from anxiety. Every time I sense that knotting in my stomach I remind myself that anxiety is a reflection of faithlessness. I trust God and I'm ready to make a move. Nothing dramatic, mind you, but I have to keep stepping out in faith or I'm stagnant.

Before the conference I submitted an article that was published in the August issue of the Trumpet. The editor liked it, but suggested a different angle. Last week I submitted the rewrite and the changes were well-received (praise God!). I'll know more next week.

Meanwhile, I'm writing with renewed commitment and vigor. I *must* not let work take over my life. I have to set boundaries and respect those boundaries. I have to let some things (and some people) fail as I limit my time and energy to what falls within my boundaries.

In a week I'll be leaving for a 2-week trip to China. I hope & pray for this to be an opportunity for massive progress on writing projects.

Meanwhile, my blogs may remain a little neglected. I'll post as inspiration strikes, but mostly I'm jotting notes in a long-hand journal. Very old school but very rewarding.

Peace,

Thanks for stopping by

2009-08-17T11:51:00.005-05:00

I recently enjoyed a visit from a blogger friend (Barbara) who was passing through town. I'm delighted that she and her daughter were able to stop by, even if I wish they could have stayed longer.

I feel that way about visitors to my blog, as well. I'd like to invite everyone to stop in and stay awhile. And if this site doesn't suit you, come visit the oasis. I wish I could spend time getting to know each of you. To offer you a drink (coffee? tea? cocktail?) and maybe a nosh. To hang out for a bit swapping stories about how we got here, wherever here may be.

Bless you all on your journeys. Thanks for stopping by.

Sunday's Study: Judges 12 - Jephthah, Ibzan, Elon and Abdon

2009-08-16T20:46:00.003-05:00

Today's study wraps up Jephthah's time as judge and his successors Ibzan, Elon and Abdon. It is noteworthy that the text shifts from referring to times of peace under the leadership of the blessed judges, to just highlighting the years of leadership (Jephthah, 6; Ibzan, 7; Elon, 10; & Abdon, 8). Jephthah's time was not peaceful but he was clearly blessed by God.

Next, we'll dive into the story of Samson.

Café Chat August 14th

2009-08-14T18:01:00.003-05:00

Today's topic: Operating outside of your "spiritual comfort zone."

As I thought about this topic, it occurred to me that each individual's "walk of faith" is the progressive result of continually stepping out of their spiritual comfort zone. If we stay in our comfort zone, we are stagnant, unchanging, not growing as Christians and probably not fulfilling our calls or our purpose. God has a purpose for each of us and we can't fulfill it if we're hiding from our destiny.

This blog was, at one time, a place where I operated outside of my comfort zone, but that is no longer true. I am very comfortable talking about my faith here. Twitter (I'm aka "yougottawonder") is often a place where I step out in faith - posting status updates based on scripture or based on my faith. But, alas, nothing dire ever happens as a result so it's becoming more and more comfortable to be open there, too.

Now I'm pushing new boundaries, and I've been flirting with ways and means to continue to grow and challenge myself - stepping outside of my comfort zone. A biggy has been the video blogs. Last week I took another step, telling an OT bible story from my heart.

I believe that if we're comfortable, we're not serving Him. It's when we grow uncomfortable that our faith is most likely to be tested and rewarded.

Sunday's Study: Judges 11 - The Story of Jephthah

2009-08-09T15:42:00.004-05:00

Today's study is a "redo" of last week's story, only this is a free-form telling of the tale. Watching myself on video is a good exercise. In the future, I will try to reduce the number of "and's," "so's," "basically's," etc. when I'm retelling these stories.

I swear, the Old Testament is better than anything on television. I want to do these stories justice.

About this blog

2009-08-09T06:00:00.002-05:00

Maybe every blogger comes to a time when they feel compelled to explain why they blog. Here's my story:

"A Mother's Angst" began (in September '08) as a means to share the things I've learned about parenting. I'm the first to admit - most of what I've learned, I've learned through mistakes I've made. Occasionally (praise God) I'm able to share something that works well for us without identifying a painful path we took to get to the revelation. This post from March might be the best summary of my evolution as a parent, my transition from cool parent of young 'uns to uptight parent of teens to a reasonably moderate parent of one teen. The points that I make in my posts and the stories I tell should not be considered a reflection of who I've always been (I'm not that stagnant) or even who I am today (I often call on history to make a point). I don't spend a lot of time bragging about my children, not because they're not praiseworthy, but because those stories rarely yield a lesson.

If instead of writing about parenting, I chose to write about quitting smoking, naming the blog "A Smoker's Angst," telling stories of failed efforts and the ultimate success story, occasionally highlighting the joys of life as an ex-smoker, I would not expect you to assume that I smoked my entire life (started when I was ~15) or that I still smoke (quit over 5 years ago). But you might. You might judge me a smoker, that's the risk I'd run by talking about smoking. I probably wouldn't spend a lot of time elaborating on the joys of not smoking. I can much more readily talk about cigarette burns on leather car seats, losing a burning cherry while driving down the interstate with an open window, overflowing nasty ashtrays, cigarette breath, stinky clothes, etc. Giving me advice on how to quit smoking might be interesting, but not necessarily relevant (unless you wanted to host a post about your personal experience). You see, I'm already past those days. But given the opportunity I will gladly talk about quitting (even though I've already quit).

Although this blog began as a place for me to wail and moan on occasion, to confess some tales that might be less than flattering, to share in my experiences so that others might learn, it's evolved into a place where I worship and glorify God. I express here what God moves me to express (exegesis). Where you see His light shine, that's where I've successfully gotten out of the way of His message. Where you don't, that's where I've gotten in the way and muddied His word.

The banner has also evolved . Initially it was a plain blue wrapper. Then the weeping eye. Now the eye has grown smaller and the message from Jeremiah 31 has been added. Another change is coming and the weeping eye may disappear for good. These changes reflect my evolution, this blog's evolution, and maybe the changing interest of those who stop by. I've learned not to question, but to obey and respond accordingly.

Now, if you'll bear with me...I'll soon be posting a revised version of Judges 11, the story of Jephthah. I'm evolving my skills as a v-blogger. Your feedback is welcome.

Peace,

Happy Anniversary, Baby!

2009-08-08T16:12:00.005-05:00

Yesterday my darling husband & I celebrated our 24th anniversary. We went to dinner (TGIF's) and a movie. The movie (A Perfect Getaway) was not great but it provided a great opportunity for 2 hours of hand-holding.

When we got home, there was a note from our 15 year old taped on the door that asked us to not turn on any lights. Hmmmm.

Throughout the house he had placed several notes in places we were not likely to miss; each note illuminated by flashlight. The notes all pointed us to the whiteboard in the kitchen. And in the kitchen? The biggest of the flashlights aiming its beam at the whiteboard, shown here. Isn't he sweet?

Tips for Better Living

2009-08-04T09:15:00.001-05:00

I had back-to-back "aha" moments coming from my efforts to read the Bible-in-a-Year.

First, right after I tweeted "Lord, be with me this day. Help me to do your will. Help me recognize the paths you open before me. Bless all who believe without seeing." I read "The Lord directs our steps, so why try to understand everything along the way?" (Proverbs 20:24) This really hit the nail on the head for me because I want to understand everything along the way! I am working on trusting God without seeing where my next step will take me.

Proverbs 20:24 was paired with 20:25 "Don’t trap yourself by making a rash promise to God and only later counting the cost." (Proverbs 20:25) I had to go back and update Sunday's post because this 2nd Proverb absolutely underscored the lesson from Judges!

Today's tip for better living: Listen to what God is telling you. Don't doubt that prayers can be conversational.

Amen!

Monday Blueprint Madness

2009-08-03T20:00:00.004-05:00

These days I feel like I'm parked on a steep incline, investing energy just to stay in place.

Whoever planned this neighborhood didn't seem to think about the connections between home and the world. Is everything on the same plane? Or at least close enough to transition between the two with grace?

This image gives a whole new meaning to the idea of sliding into your day.

Sunday's Study: Judges 11

2009-08-02T17:21:00.007-05:00

Judges 11 tells the story of Jephthah, the illegitimate son of Gilead. Jephthah was a mighty warrior and a natural leader, chased off by his family as a social outcast. In the face of the Ammonites threat of war, the elders of Gilead brought Jephthah home and he was elected judge and made leader of his people.

Jephthah attempts to reason with the king of Ammon fail. The Spirit of the Lord comes upon him and he leads the successful charge against the Ammonites, but not before making a foolish pledge to God.

Scholars debate how Jephthah fulfilled his vow - was his daughter sacrificed as a burnt offering or was she set apart for service to God (not killed)? Either way, her future was altered by a promise he made and fulfilled. The message for us is clear: Don't make foolish promises based on future events.

"Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God." (Ecclesiastes 5:2)

God desires your obedience now, not your promise of future obedience. When facing life's challenges, don't make deals with God. Trust Him, the Judge, to look out for your best interests. Demonstrate your faith. If it's meant to be, it will be.

I'd rather trust and have things not work out according to my desires than to be explaining to God "I didn't mean it" when I promised something rash in the heat of some personal battle. How about you?

(8/4: I just read Proverbs 20:25 and couldn't help but add it to this post, considering how remarkably apropos it is: "Don’t trap yourself by making a rash promise to God and only later counting the cost.")

Monday Blueprint Madness

2009-07-13T21:06:00.004-05:00

When a dear friend forwarded this image to me, I was struck by a moment of introspection. It seems the owners have closed up this room, sealed it for whatever purpose, painted it up pretty and added ventilation to keep it cool. Closed off from the world but livable. No biggie, right?

But don't we sometimes take the same measures with our lives and our hearts? Do we establish secret places that we close off from the world or from God? We can paint it up pretty but there's no light and fresh air. How much better to be open to the world and open to God - letting light in and letting the world see in. God sees inside of us whether we hide or not. God wants us to be in the world, giving of ourselves and receiving by his will.

Don't close yourself off. No matter how much you pretty it up, there are signs (steps, boarded up windows) that tell us we're missing something!

Peace,

Sunday's Study: Judges 10

2009-07-12T20:11:00.004-05:00

Today's study touches on Tola (judged 23 years) and Jair (judged 22 years). Perhaps "minor judges" but representing the diversity of the leaders God used. After Jair died, the Israelites again served other gods - the Baals and Ashtoreths, the gods of Aram, Sidon, Moab, the gods of the Ammonites, and the Philistines.

The chapter ends with the Israelites in a stand-off with the Ammonites, searching for a leader to launch the attack against their enemy and become the head of the Gileadites.

Café Chat July 10th

2009-07-10T07:21:00.002-05:00

Today's topic is simply to tell of a miracle in your life.

I've been blessed by many miracles, great and small. I've been healed of chronic pain through prayer and the laying on of hands. I've had my life turn several times, taking new and ever-better direction as I come closer to the LORD. Currently, I'm walking in faith, stepping out as a teacher and an apostle. Declaring myself flawed but committed to live as Christ desires. Although raised in the church, I'd never read the Bible. As of today I'm over halfway through reading the "Bible in a Year."

Although I'm comfortable and happy, I'm desperately seeking, knocking, asking as I'm commanded to do. Obedient at a time when it would be easy to stray. Fortifying myself against "the enemy" rather than relaxing my guard. From my simplistic view today, that is a miracle for which I am eternally grateful.

Blessings!

Tips for Better Living

2009-07-07T20:37:00.004-05:00

After a long hard day spent in the office dealing with people and situations and .... stuff. Sometimes you just have to step back and look at the big picture. The big picture in my world includes a gorgeous Texas sky and, in this case, a Mimosa tree.

Thank you, Lord. If my world was limited to the scope defined by my work or the perceived boundaries of my life, it would be a sad place indeed. May I glorify your name by acknowledging your greatness as the creator of all things beautiful.

Amen.

Monday Blueprint Madness

2009-07-06T21:05:00.003-05:00

This staircase makes me think about trust. You would only take these stairs once before you realized that a descent here is futile. You would not keep taking these stairs hoping that one day you'll find the path clear to some pleasant destination.

How differently we approach relationships. We will engage over and over again with people who've proven themselves NOT trustworthy hoping each time that the trip will turn out to be rewarding.

In some cases the investment is worthwhile. I'm working on training our youngest to be truthful and honest; teaching him that the penalty for lying is worse than the penalty for whatever he felt compelled to lie about. At 15, he's a little old for this - but it's never too late. I trust that he will learn the importance of establishing and maintaining trust. No matter how difficult the truth is, it is better to share a painful truth than to fall into disuse, considered worthless and untrustworthy.

In our relationships, we are not rigid and constant but we are fluid and dynamic; ever changing and eternally capable of redefining ourselves and rewriting our scripted responses to others. And this, my friends, is truly a blessing.

Sunday's Study: Judges 9

2009-07-05T17:43:00.003-05:00

The stories of Gideon and his son Abimelech are centered in the Book of Judges. Gideon offers a stellar example of the leaders God chose to rescue his children and Abimelech is the antithesis, offering a stark contrast in behavior. It's worthy of mention that in telling Abimelech's tale, Gideon is only referred to by his nickname, Jerub-Baal (because he broke down Baal's altar) rather than by his given name. Abimelech was a discredit to his father in many ways, not the least of which was using silver from the Baal temple and paying mercenaries to follow him.

In the end, God repaid Abimelech for his wickedness.

A Few Comments on Independence

2009-07-04T07:25:00.007-05:00

Raising teenagers changed the way I look at independence. I can look back at my own quest for independence and have a clearer understanding of both sides of the equation. There's something about breaking free from the rules and from our ties to childhood that compels many (including myself) to rebel against their parental units.

The hard lesson is that quite often the freedom that is sought, fought for and won is not really freedom. While my girls might be independent relative to their parents, they did not step out of this household and gain self-reliance. In some ways they're getting there, yes, but each of them has relied on (or is still relying on) welfare in order to get on their feet. Currently, each of them relies on the parents of their "significant other" (whether by necessity or convenience, I can't say).

D#1 is living with her boyfriend and his parents. She's got a steady job with insurance! Things seem to be on track, based on the last year. She's not raising either of her children, though. And that's for the best.

D#2 is married and raising our youngest grandson (hurray!), living in a 1-bedroom apartment with her MIL, supplemented by food stamps.

D#3 wrapped up her 1st year of college by moving into an apartment with her girlfriend. Neither of them work. My daughter says the money she saved from the part-time job she worked for a month or so last summer...is dwindling. Admittedly, I'm leaping with both feet to the conclusion that there's some welfare going on there. She's the one who left home partly because we wanted her to earn some of the money for college, which we would reimburse. I guess she showed us. She's the only one of the 3 who has not ever hit us up for anything since she left home. Is it better for her to show us she doesn't need us? Not from where I sit.

I can't help but find parallels between my children's relationship with their parents and our relationship with God. God is our parental unit. God wants what's best for us. God has given us rules that He expects us to follow. God expects us to be honest with Him and God hopes that we seek and maintain a relationship with Him. He notices when we're away and He's grateful when we return. The more time we spend with Him, the happier He is and the easier it is for Him to help us. If we only seek Him during times of crisis, He may be slower to respond. He may take time to figure out what's best for us in our given situation. If we never seek Him, if we don't need Him, if we never ask for anything, well...there's not much He can do for us.

Meanwhile, are we relying on other gods to satisfy our needs?