A Mother's Angst

Sunday's Study: Judges 17 - Micah and his idols

2009-11-08T13:58:00.003-06:00

Micah lived in a time when lifestyle choices where "anything goes" ... maybe not unlike today. He chose to set up a shrine (including idols) in his home. He hired a priest to make it legitimate. The priest's greed allowed him to set aside what is right regarding proper worship and obedience to God's will.

Today there are a lot of people who consider themselves believers yet they set aside what is right regarding proper worship and obedience to God's will. Their idols may not be images or objects of worship - their idols may be self-serving ideals they keep in their hearts. Just because it feels good and has been legitimized by some authority, doesn't make it sanctioned or sanctified by God.

Off & running

2009-11-07T14:26:00.003-06:00

It's been a challenging first week. Work has been exceptionally trying with a team of Taiwanese co-workers in town for a series of all day meetings. I found myself as the chief notetaker and driver of actions. The only saving grace was the lack of night time conference calls. Regardless, by Friday evening I was exhausted. I came home and submersed myself in about 5 hours of NCIS, Criminal Minds and CSI...back-to-back episodes of murder and mayhem. Skipping a day of writing penalized my progress and my momentum. Today I'm plugging away trying to get back on track. I'd intended to go to a write-in but it's all I can do to keep slogging away here. I don't feel up to driving anywhere on the gamble that my motivation and inspiration will improve.

Lord, without You I'm nothing. With You, all things are possible. Be with me as I continue to spill words, to tell this story You've put on my heart. Let the pages be filled with Your love. By Your grace.

Ready? Set....

2009-10-31T08:00:00.004-05:00

How many people woke up today thinking about preparations for Halloween? I woke up thinking about preparations for NaNoWriMo. I'm again reminded more of pregnancy and labor/delivery than anything else. My thoughts have been all about the coming date: November 1st. The start of labor. The beginning of a month-long delivery. By November 30th I'll have birthed a novel. Excited & scared? Yes! Ready? Who knows?

Today I'll be prepping the house, just like a did in the days before delivering babies. I feel like I'm nesting. My home office, my bedroom, my bathroom, my closet, etc. I want all of it to be clean, somewhat organized, "ready" for a distraction-free period. I will not have time to sort clothes (Fall/Winter finally arriving in Central Texas - it's time to put away T-shirts and dig out sweaters!) or let myself get sucked into petty distractions. I'm clearing all of the clutter as I prepare for this adventure.

I've been trying to prepare the family as well, but I'm not sure if they get it. I'm not sure if I get it so I guess I shouldn't be too surprised or disappointed. I need them in my cheering section, not contributing to the distractions. Life is busy enough.

This morning I listened to the 4 tips for week 1 and I can't help but worry that I'm only good for the last item. Item 3 will take great effort.

1) Go to "Write-In" (group noveling sessions)

2) Go big early: Write 2-5k words on November 1st

3) Do not revise: "Revision is for December"

4) It's okay to not know where the story is going: that'll come in week 3 or 4

Tomorrow, Day 1: Church and children will consume most of the 1st half of the day. Then I'm going to the Kairos closing at Barlett jail. The local Write-In conflicts with the Bartlett closing.

I'm looking forward to seeing how many words I can write as I work my way around all of the planned activities. Although the average daily word count is 1,667 I'm targeting 2k/day because I know there will be days when I may not get much written. This week I will not have conference calls because key members from the Taiwan team will be in Austin. There may be dinners scheduled. Courtesy dictates attendance (but not necessarily lingering so I'll eat 'n run). Next week and after - I've told my boss I may need some time off.

I've been marking the calendar with all of my November commitments. Fortunately it looks like my business trip to China may squeeze into December so that's a relief. Meanwhile, everything else? Weighed against progress on my word count. Which is why I need to front-end load the daily writing. Some of the commitments and conflicts of time/interest (like the photo-shoot for Guideposts - my story will be in the March issue) can't be avoided.

Meanwhile, I had to explain to my husband (again) that I won't be available to join him for TV-watching. I know he supports me but the reality hasn't really set in for him yet. He needs to understand that the word flow will be like the dwarf bamboo that wants to take over our back yard. The words, sentences, paragraphs, pages will grow & multiply filling all available space during the month of November. I like that image. Let the words flow and grow. Pruning and weeding will come in December.

I do feel God is pleased with the basic premise & characters He's brought to mind. I pray that I can do justice to these ideas and bring the story to life. May God be with us!

Because I have nothing better to do...I'm ready to go!

2009-10-28T21:19:00.004-05:00

I have been pining for a while. Pining and whining. I'm ready for a change. I've been ready for a change. On two separate occasions (once in 2005, once in 2008) I've started novels. Like miscarriages, conceived but never fully developed.

Now, I'm 3 days away from the wildest writing ride of my life. Wilder than last year's NaBloPoMo. Wilder than the last few weeks spent warming up on my non-fiction work. I'm pregnant, expectant, ready to deliver. I think my water's broken. I'm at the cusp of full-blown labor pains. NaNoWriMo.

I'm in awe. Afraid yet alive with excitement. Nervous energy wells as I edge closer to the precipice. When I wake up Sunday morning I will be at the start of something that will change me. It is inevitable. I will not leave this experience the same as when I started - no matter how the birthing process goes. I'm ready to shout it to the world. And, God willing, by the end of November I will.

"I'm a novelist!"

Alleluia!

Monday Madness - perspective

2009-10-26T08:17:00.004-05:00

Sometimes life is all about perspective. Glasses that are half full are also half empty. Joy is a choice we make. A gift of grace available to each of us, but a gift that must be accepted. Because joy is a matter of perspective.

A few weeks ago I signed up for the National Novel Writer's Month (NaNoWriMo) experience. I can tell you a million reasons why I don't have time for this. I can fill my heart with fear and self-recriminations. Or I can choose joy and hope, faithful that if it's God's will, then it will happen and confident that if it's not - it doesn't matter.

I will remind myself daily to "be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." (Romans 12:12)

By stepping out in faith and free-falling into the unknown I have to trust Him. I will embrace Paul's prayer to the Romans "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."(Romans 15:13)

Meanwhile, this week feels like my last week of freedom.

Sunday's Study: Judges 16 - Samson & Delilah

2009-10-25T19:33:00.002-05:00

Samson, a man of God, was clearly foolish when it came to women. After his brief, tragic marriage and his rendezvous with a prostitute, he met and fell in love with Delilah - yet another Philistine woman. His destiny was to be the beginning of the end for the Philistines. Samson is a reminder that God uses us all through His strength and our weakness. Samson had a weakness for women and he was weak with women. Or maybe his weakness was his ego.

After 3 times of Delilah asking how to tie him up and subdue him and 3 times demonstrating her intention to do just that, he finally (on the 4th round) tells her the secret of his strength - to his own undoing.

When God was not with him, he was overtaken. Later, when he prayed for God to be with him, his strength returned. He is called out in Hebrews as a man of faith. His faith ultimately enabled him to fulfill God's will for him. That is all that any of us can hope for.

It's a Banner Day!

2009-10-24T09:57:00.004-05:00

In the beginning there was a standard template bearing the title of this blog "A Mother's Angst. Soon after that I jazzed it up with the emo weeping eye. I've wept so many times over my children it seemed appropriate.
I've been open about my angst, my sorrows, and sometimes my joy. The banner evolved to reflect my evolution from pervasive sorrow to the overriding joy given to us through God's grace.
Today the banner takes another step forward. I may tweak it a bit but this is closer to what I've imagined for a while now. I'm reading the book of Jeremiah and I'm overwhelmed by the example God sets for us. I can relate to God's frustration with His children, the people of Israel & Judah. Jeremiah 31 is all about restoration. I pray for the restoration of my relationships with my grown children. Meanwhile, I thank God for all that I've learned and am able to share with others.

Sunday's Study: Judges 15 - Samson

2009-10-18T18:44:00.003-05:00

If you watched the video for Chapter 14, you can jump about 2 1/2 minutes into today's lesson. Today's portion of Samson's biographer required some of the history previously covered.

I'm struck by how wonderful God is. We're created in His image, but because we're not God we're flawed. We're blessed and cursed with free will. We're so darn HUMAN!!!

Samson is an excellent example of an imperfect human who is used as an instrument by God. Samson takes the Israelites on their first step in the journey to break free of the Philistines.

Samson's life continues following his failed marriage. When he attempts to reconcile with his wife, he discovers she's been handed off to his best man! He strikes back, attacking the Philistines by burning their harvest. They retaliate. He retaliates. Life goes on.

When the power of the Holy Spirit comes upon us we can do awesome things. The hard part is avoiding sin during those lulls when we're not feeling particularly moved by the Spirit.

"Oh, What a Tangled Web We Weave...

2009-10-17T16:50:00.008-05:00

...when first we practice to deceive." Sir Walter Scott

Once I read something that Neil posted on his blog and was flabbergasted...then realized he writes the best fiction I've ever found on the Internet. Bless him, he's good!

Not long ago I was floored again - this time by the horribly immature response of Alice Hoffman to a mixed review of her novel. Not a bad review, just a mixed review. She proceeded to attack the reviewer via Twitter: she posted the reviewer's e-mail and telephone number and she told "her fans" to contact the reviewer directly. This was a published author behaving quite badly, demonstrating for all how a lack of personal restraint can lead to public embarrassment and subsequent apologies. We've seen this sort of behavior from Hollywood denizens for years. Although Alice may wish to be remembered for her noble statements or her novels, she left a legacy with her hasty remarks. In the backlash of public reaction she deleted her Twitter account, but the Internet has memory and Google cache retained the information for some time.

Today I've been taken aback again by the drama played out between Nic and the TSA. Although Nic has "darkened" her blog (Update: her blog is up and she's posted an apology of sorts), her post is still out there. After I watched the TSA video I did a quick Google search and found her post among the many related hits.

I'd love to believe Nic's story because she tells it with passion and it's compelling - but the same can be said for Neil's work of fiction. One big difference - Neil didn't attack a public entity. Neil didn't create a campaign. Nic not only posted her rant, but she also posted this item on the "People's Blog" which includes a link to her post. I found several others who had taken up her cause. Only some had updated with the TSA's counterclaim. Google is an awesome and scary tool when it comes to research. Nic should know that her full name, home address and phone number turned up in my simple search for her story.

Today Maggie wrote a post expressing her dismay over the situation and some aspects of human behavior. Maggie's far more eloquent than I - I encourage you to read her thoughts for yourself. If you read this you know I'm way ahead of her, worried on her behalf about the responsibility she's shouldered in passing on information that may be difficult to verify.

In August, Nic told a story on Violence Unsilenced. Was her story there true? Perhaps Nic struggles with reality, or maybe she's writing fiction and wants to know that her stories are believable or maybe she just has a flair for the dramatic. Today's drama casts doubt on her tale, like the boy who cried wolf. "Even when liars tell the truth, they are never believed. The liar will lie once, twice, and then perish when he tells the truth."

I'm a regular reader of the Violence Unsilenced posts. Because I want my comments on the VU site to be prayerful and meaningful, I take the time to visit (whenever they're available) the blogs of the victims. I want to understand them better, to appreciate their circumstances. That's how I found myself torn by Kelly's recent post on the VU site. Her blog took me to her husband's blog and between the two of them I pieced together a story of two people who are in a bad place, both culpable. It's hard for me to identify one person as abuser and one as victim - they seem to share these roles. After spending half their lives together they know where each other's buttons are and they push them. I am still praying for them - their story has touched my heart.

But Kelly posted her accusations on a well-regarded blog and thereby afforded credibility to her side of the story. But just as we see with Nic and TSA, there are two sides to every story. It's damaging to yourself and to others if you build up your self-righteous attitude based on the misguided indignation you've inspired with your half-truths.

And then there's the mixed blessing of social media. Another TSA vs. passenger drama happened in June 2007 and was also "outed" with video footage. In that video the TSA comes off less wholesome, yet the TSA still disclosed the full video. 2+ years ago Twitter wasn't as widely adopted (and blogs weren't as broadly embraced) and available for the viral spreading of the woman's claims.

In the end, each of us must decide whether we're going to walk around (or browse the Internet) believing everything we're told and taking up the sword for others with moral outrage based purely on their moral outrage .... or believing nothing because the world is filled with liars .... or having to apply ourselves to the arduous task of discerning the truth and deciding what we're willing to believe based on what we know.

The world is filled with people who tell lies. That is the truth. Nic may have believed what she posted was true but her memories might have been distorted by the anxiety and frustration experienced during her delay. Or maybe she has "issues." I don't know Nic, but she created a cloud of doubt and uncertainty that is probably warranted.

"Only simpletons believe everything they're told!" (Proverbs 14:15)

A worthwhile follow-up as the drama continues.

Update: the TSA has now posted additional video footage from multiple angles.

Meanwhile, the blogging firestorm continues.

Fearless, by Max Lucado

2009-10-14T20:23:00.006-05:00

From the first pages of Max Lucado’s Fearless I was intrigued and eager for more. He lays the foundation by asking, “Why are we afraid?” and outlining the many forms that fear takes. He makes such points as “fear doesn’t share our hearts with happiness” and “fear never saved a marriage”. Each chapter opens with scripture and is steeped in Biblical references. He puts scripture in context, ties in history, personal anecdotes and examples for immediate application.

I was especially taken by the fifth chapter, “My Child is in Danger.” The opening scripture is Luke 8:50. Max expands on the story of Jairus’ daughter who died before Christ arrived to heal her. Although other examples of parental love and faith are highlighted, Jairus’ tale is a shining reflection of Jesus valuing family and rewarding parents’ faith. Max reminds us that before our children are “ours” they are His.

“Pour out your heart like water before the face of the LORD. Lift your hands toward Him for the life of your young children.” (Lamentations 2:19) We’re encouraged by Max’s exhortations “Parents, we can do this. We can be loyal advocates, stubborn intercessors.” He creates a view of the grim alternatives if we don’t. How do we find balance, avoiding the extremes? By prayer! Pray for them and pray with them.

This hit close to my heart. I hope other parents embrace the prayerful parenting style. I trusted God with so much of my life but hoarded the burden of parenting, letting fear dominate.

Whether your weakness is fear for your children, your retirement, your own mortality or any of the other scenarios presented, there is surely something here for you. I often thought of people who might benefit from Max’s scripture-based lessons. There is a helpful section in the back for group or individual reflection on how fear can affect our lives and what we can do about it. I will be picking up extra copies of Fearless to share with some of the folks I love.

I am a member of Thomas Nelson’s Book Review Blogger program: http://brb.thomasnelson.com/

October: Domestic Violence Awareness Month

2009-10-13T18:02:00.005-05:00

Maybe you know this already, but the statistics for domestic violence and sexual assault are grim. Girls and boys are exposed to inappropriate sexual content on a regular basis. I'm worried for our children, especially our daughters. 1 out of every four is likely to be a victim. It pains me to think about the households that are filled with tension, anger, violence and struggles for survival. Every empathetic fiber of my being cries out for the justice and freedom of the oppressed.

To balance that is a firm belief that couples united in faith (i.e. pledging their vows before God) should be committed to do everything in their power to make their marriages work. Having entered into a holy partnership, subject to a divine covenant, how do you know when to hit the "escape" button? "Should I stay or should I go?" must tear at the hearts of the victims.

There's a web site that provides an outlet for victims. A safe haven, as it were. A place to speak out against the abuse they've survived. But something happened there that has left me disturbed.

How does the moderator, a modern saint, protect the site against false accusations? I'm not talking about blatant, malicious attacks against the innocent - that's the foundation of most of the unsilenced voices. No, I'm talking about someone speaking out against their spouse, telling their side of a very two-sided story. Calling out their partner for "abuse" without confessing to their own role in the sad state of affairs.

Most abuse is one-sided. There's an abuser and a victim. Sometimes, however, couples develop unhealthy relationships based on power struggles, battles for control, efforts to wound and retaliate against wrongs, both real and imaginary. The roles of abuser and victim are blurred, shared, ill-defined. She dresses provocatively, wearing low cut blouses, showing cleavage, flirting, starved for attention. He's jealous and angry, resenting the attention she gets from others, even though he doesn't show her enough attention himself. Anger, distrust and hurt brew in the subtext of every conversation. Words that can never be reclaimed are hurled during the heat of anger. Names are called. Ugly, hateful names. Because in the depth of their pain they each want their beloved to hurt as much as they do.

Worse, they began to seek allies outside of their partnership. Others who will support "their side". "Friends" who tell them "You should leave your partner! They're a scoundrel! You deserve better!" Worst yet - when seeking support from someone of the opposite sex. This bolsters the individual ego "Hey! I'm not so bad. This guy/gal likes me. Why can't my spouse see what they see." And the partner? This new ally is the enemy and the very relationship is a betrayal, fostering even more hurt and distrust. Don't kid yourself folks, it's not innocent. If you must find someone to talk to, seek a counselor. If you have friends that support you, stick with same-sex friends. Don't feign innocence defending your opposite sex ally. Your partner has every reason to object, even if nothing is happening.

My heart is hurting for a couple that is in the throes of a public separation. I've been reading both of their sides and I see from within. I've been there. I've lived through this. I can testify that this hard time can be survived, but in order to do so the idea of "right/wrong" must be abandoned. There is not going to be one victor and one loser, just as there is not one abuser and one victim. This relationship can be mended when these two people recognize that their love for each other is their best ally. Changes will be slow and there will be back-slides, but the man I was ready to leave (let go) 10 years ago is the same man I can't imagine life without today, tomorrow, until death do us part. I speak from experience.

I pray for this couple, I pray for my husband and myself, I pray for all couples everywhere. Relationships are hard.

The world is filled with people who are willing to throw their commitments into the fire and move on to the next one - and they'll encourage you to do the same. Don't listen. Pray. Seek help from sources who support your effort to work through the changes you both must make. Pray some more. Focus on what YOU must change and hold on to your love. Don't imagine the grass is greener elsewhere. Things have gotten bleak but you can get past this. These hard times can make you stronger. I'm praying for you.

Sunday's Study: Judges 14 - Samson's Marriage

2009-10-11T17:56:00.004-05:00

In Judges 13 we are introduced to Samson's parents, Manoah and an unnamed woman. In Judges 14 we are introduced to Samson and his bride (who also goes unnamed. Did you know he was married before he met Delilah?).

Samson spots a woman in Timnah and decides she's "the one". He insists his parents arrange their marriage, even though she was a Philistine. This was all part of God's plan, as foretold by the angel in Chapter 13 - that Samson would "begin the deliverance of Israel from the hands of the Philistines." Does it seem strange that Samson marries a Philistine in order to deliver his people from the Philistines?

It is good to know that God is sovereign in all things. We don't need to know or understand His plan, we just need to submit to the power of the Spirit.

Thirst for Wisdom - Water, precious water

2009-10-08T21:42:00.011-05:00

One important fact about my international travels is my perpetual, almost unquenchable thirst. These three bottles may not look like much, but they are souvenirs of my trip to China. The large (right-most) bottle "Eventide" was purchased before the trip specifically to be filled once I was inside the airport. I'm so prone to dehydration during the flight and I'm averse to paying $3 for a small bottle of water at the airport and they never do seem able to satisfy my need once I board. So I brought my own bottle, filled it in Austin and refilled it in LA before the "long leg" of the journey - crossing the Pacific.

Once in Taipei I was forced to purchase airport water ("don't drink the local water" applies to Taiwan and China). When I landed at the airport in Shanghai I was parched! Absolutely arid. From the time I disembarked at the airport, traipsing through the terminal, going through Immigration, getting my luggage, going through Customs, spotting my driver and walking to the parking lot I was scoping for someplace to buy water. I felt like Carson from "The Good, The Bad and The Ugly" croaking "water, water..." As we were leaving the parking lot I spotted a vending machine with bottled water and I made the driver pull over (just short of pulling the wheel over myself). I jumped out and ran over to the machine only to discover that I didn't have any bills small enough. Fortunately the driver graciously bought me a bottle of water. Maybe it was the wild look in my eyes.

Eastern hotels that serve Westerners typically provide bottled water, and the Swissotel in Kunshan was no exception. But I noted there would be a charge if I went over my allotted two bottles a day so every day I boiled water in the room using the handy gadget provided for just that purpose. I refilled the large bottle I brought with me every day, as well as every bottle I acquired along the way. Including refilling the used "hotel" bottles from prior days. I stashed bottles in my suitcase. I became a water hoarder. I didn't go anywhere without a load of at least a gallon of water.

At the factory there were large bottles (similar to Ozarka) of water which I used to refill my bottles during the day. I am not exaggerating. One of the dramas I'll tell as a side line which plays in here is that I was diagnosed with a UTI right before the trip. I was not going to skimp on the water.

On the 1st Saturday I spent in China I enjoyed a day trip to Shanghai. I met up with a friend of mine who spent the weekend there, staying at the Hyatt. At the end of our day-long adventure I'd drained all of my bottles of water so my friend let me take one of her bottles from the Hyatt. That's the brown bottle in the middle. Because of its size - 20oz (550ml) bottle instead of the standard 17oz (500ml) issued by the Swissotel - I held onto that prize.

Finally, at the end of the trip I was prepared to return to the US. I brought with me the large Eventide bottle and the Hyatt bottle, draining them both on the hour and a half trip from the hotel to the airport. Note to self: Use the restroom BEFORE getting in the line to get boarding pass. When I took this picture I was still 30 minutes away from relief.

Also, my now empty water bottles were not going to be refilled until I got back to the States.
Once I was back at the Taipei airport, I purchased more water (the Eau Claire bottle on the left in the top picture). The "Beer Bar" photo was taken in Taipei on my way to Shanghai, but it shows the water so I figured I'd show it here. I actually bought the bottle at the "snack bar" that sold me these delicious dumplings I enjoyed on my way out of town. My next stop was LA where I refilled my water bottles and chowed down on Tex-Mex.

So after such a long journey, it is symbolic that empty water bottles sit amongst my souvenirs. Seeking God in our lives is like having unquenchable thirst. No matter how many times we slake our thirst, our relationship is not one of instant or eternal satisfaction. We must return and revisit the source of all good things in our life. We should never feel satisfied in a way that causes us to relax and stop seeking. We should always be on the lookout for His grace that blesses us, nourishes us, replenishes our souls.

A Walk in the Park...in Kunshan, China

2009-10-03T19:17:00.020-05:00

In front of the Swissotel there's a guy sitting on a bench, playing the saxophone.

Beside the hotel is a nice promenade where children and adults occasionally played with the pebbles and the running water.(I missed catching them in the act, but you may notice the water around the base - there was a lot of traffic in the water.)

Behind the hotel there's a small ensemble playing in the beer garden. I could almost hear the music.

In the park behind the hotel, there was an area for Tai Chi or other arts of the East.

The waterway was peaceful. The art, interesting. The air, fresh. A nice break from the smog.

I enjoyed my walk. I enjoyed the peace and the solitude. It was a quiet Sunday afternoon in the city of Kunshan.

The Noticer by Andy Andrews

2009-09-30T18:47:00.006-05:00

If you've been fortunate enough to meet someone who always seems to distill a situation down to its core elements and offer a point of view that resonates with your soul, then you'll probably recognize that someone in Andy Andrews' novel The Noticer.

The Noticer is a heartwarming tale of an apparently ageless old man, Jones, whose visits to a small town help bring about positive changes in the lives of many. Although Jones highlights his gift for noticing things that others overlook, it is really his ability to offer alternative perspectives that helps lead people to wise choices.

I enjoyed the lifestyle-improvement tips woven into the storyline. In his first meeting with the main character Jones acknowledges that through our own bad choices and decisions we may find ourselves in difficult circumstances. It is through good choices that we can direct ourselves into better circumstances. Jones advises, “What we focus on increases.” Later, in an encounter with a couple considering divorce, the principles of Gary Chapman’s “Love Languages” are well exemplified.

Jones explains to a group of teens that wisdom is “the ability to see, into the future, the consequences of your choices in the present.” He offers the people he encounters a way to envision their future given the path they’re on and he paints an alternate future available through a shifted perspective.

The Noticer can easily be read in one or two sessions but the book is so filled with pearls of wisdom I've found myself drawn back to revisit key points. This story bears reading and re-reading. I have already found occasion to share anecdotes from the story and I hope to continue to spread these words of wisdom.

Sunday's Study: Judges 13 - Samson's Conception & Birth

2009-09-27T17:19:00.004-05:00

In Judges 13, Manoah's sterile wife (never named) encounters an angel of the Lord who foretells of the conception and birth of Samson. Other notable sterile-women-who-became-mothers-after-divine-intervention: Sarah, mother of Isaac; Rebekah, mother of Jacob; Hannah, mother of Samuel; Elizabeth, mother of John the Baptist.

The angel instructs Samson's parents to raise him as a Nazirite: no alcohol, no unclean food and no haircuts. A Nazirite vow was most often temporary. It was exceptional for parents to commit their child to a lifetime as a Nazirite.

Samson was a member of the Dan tribe. He grew up wandering around the yet-unconquered land they inherited. During his visits to the tribe's army camps, God stirred his heart and moved Samson along the path prepared for him. Although Samson began the journey of deliverance from the Philistines, the journey wasn't completed until the time of David.

Do you feel a stirring in your heart? Are you allowing God to use you as He intends? Your role may be to start something without ever seeing it finished. Be faithful in seeking God's will and be obedient - even if you don't see results.

We may not know how our role fits in, for now...we're all part of a much bigger story.

China - more of the 1st week

2009-09-25T18:56:00.004-05:00

Sunday evening I left Austin, arriving at the factory (almost straight from the airport) Tuesday afternoon. Every day was filled from with meetings, conference calls, and build activities. I ate dinner in my room Tues, Wed & Thursday. I had a "traditional Chinese massage" Tuesday night and a foot massage Wednesday night. Both were worthy investments.

Friday evening, after another long day, my Program Manager took me to a China Mobile store to buy a local sim card for an old phone I brought with me. I ended up buying a local phone because my old phone was "locked" (long story not worth going into here). Finally I had the ability to communicate with folks locally - very helpful given the size of the factory and the fact that the Taipei teams are in separate rooms on opposite sides of the factory.

After making the phone purchase Molder & I stopped in a DVD store. These are stores of some notoriety because they are filled with "knock-off" copies of DVD's. I didn't buy any movies, but it certainly is an impressive sight to see the "wall of videos" in no apparent order. Of note, there was a local woman there who wanted to purchase a copy of "Drag Me to Hell". At least I assume that's why she kept breaking out of her mandarin to say "Drag Me to Hell."

Next we went to a restaurant and joined 2 reps from an antenna supplier. The dinner tales are best told in person. I'll just say that my companions were drinking both beer and wine (they'd ordered beer but maybe felt obliged to help me with the wine). I really can't do dinner justice here, but here are some photos which might give a sense of the food and the company.

After getting back to the hotel, I finally had the "oil massage" I was anticipating Thursday. It was not at all what I expected. The listing had said "90 minutes" so I assumed they meant "90 minutes" (the other massages lasted as long as the time listed on the "menu"). Instead it was 60 minutes. When I asked afterward they said "Oh, we allow 30 minutes for your shower". What? When they took me back for the massage they told me the girl would be there in a few minutes. When she came in she asked something about a shower but when I asked for clarification she said effectively "nevermind." After each massage I was served tea and hustled out of there so I'm not sure when I was supposed to take a 30 minute shower. The trouble with complaining is everyone's English seemed to get worse when I tried to get clarification afterward.

As a side story about the tea served after the massage... After my traditional Chinese massage they served ginger tea. I fell in love with ginger tea last year - it's very soothing for the stomach. After the oil massage I asked if the tea was ginger tea and she said "Oh, you want ginger tea?!?" and she ran off with the tea she'd brought me. She came back with ginger tea. Typically the tea has an hour to cool off (they bring the tea at the start of the massage) so the ginger tea was too hot to drink. When I mentioned that I was hustled out of there after the massage, what I'm referring to is to this: after a few minutes of waiting for the tea to cool off (and I will admit that the charming girl graciously continued to massage my shoulders during these few minutes) she asked if should could pour out the remainder of my water in the water bottle I'd brought with me. After I nodded my assent she poured out the water and poured the too-hot-to-drink tea into the water bottle. So I could leave. Right now, thank you. "Hustled out," wouldn't you say?

But if I overlook the feeling that I was ripped off because my 90 minute massage was a 60 minute massage, it was a nice treat. I did have to suspend modesty but I won't bother you with the sordid details. It was an experience and that's what I'm all about on these Asian adventures.

The journey began: China-bound

2009-09-24T19:01:00.009-05:00

I left for China on September 8th. After a 28hour flight schedule (including layovers in LA and Taipei) I arrived in Shanghai.

Here's the beer bar in the Taipei airport where I relaxed from ~6am to 8am. I met a lovely couple from Canada and we compared tech notes - specifically the fact that in order to access Facebook and Twitter, you had to set up a VPN. "ItsHidden" worked for me at the Taipei airport, although I had mixed results once I was in China.

Here's the immigration line in Shanghai. There was a "no photos" sign that I ignored (I'm a bit of a rebel) because I felt compelled to capture the moment. For most Americans, it's a bit unusual to have to get in the line for "Foreigners". Through an odd twist of fate I was one of the last passengers on my flight to get through the process. I wish I'd snapped an image of my driver. Seeing someone holding a sign with your name on it is immensely reassuring after such a long journey.

And finally, here's the view from my room at the Swissotel in Kunshan(notice - I just missed a beer festival!). I checked into the hotel at about 1:30 then went straight to the factory. Have I mentioned that the reason for this trip was the first prototype build for the product I'm responsible for? There's nothing like spending 33 hours in the same clothes then showing up for work. Fortunately, the factory is not a fashion mecca.

After putting in about four hours covering the build in-progress, I retired to my room for some much needed zzzzzz's. And so ended Day 1 in China.

I'm back! Starting with a story about "Messages"

2009-09-23T16:53:00.003-05:00

I had a delightful trip to China. Delightful in that work was productive, play was adventuresome and there were no incidents of barfing. Out of about 8 or so trips to Asia (China, Taiwan and Malaysia) this is only the 2nd time I've avoided getting sick during the trip. The consequence is apparently going to be a painful bout of jet-lag.

I plan to post a series of tales, with photos. My family received regular e-mails from me, telling of my adventures but without photos. My access to the internet during my stay was flaky at best - I was only occasionally able to access facebook or Twitter (and even then I randomly lost my connection).

I'm starting with a post that ties into the theme of a Blog Carnival, hosted by a friend. Then I'll pick up from the beginning and tell the tales in ~chronological order.

Messages

As a preamble to this story I should explain an interesting traffic phenomenon of the Orient. There are some laws that are strictly followed and some are strictly disregarded. Very few drivers travel in excess of the posted limit. Very few drivers pay any attention to the stripes painted on the roads. This latter behavior is evident in the propensity to make 4 lanes out of 3, and to use oncoming lanes for passing. Or left turns. Really, just whatever is convenient. Since the roads are shared with bicycles, skooters and pedestrians, I'm always amazed that there are not very many accidents here - these guys are serious defensive drivers. But I digress.

I mention the disregard for lanes because this behavior came into play during one of my morning swims. The Swiss Hotel (actually the "Swissotel") has a 3 lane pool with no lane dividers - just the 3 stripes on the pool bottom. When I arrived one morning to find a man in the first lane and another man in the 3rd lane, each of them swimming the breast stroke, I was not thrilled but I figured if I stuck to freestyle and backstroke I'd be okay.

About 15 minutes into my swim a 4th swimmer joined us. Although she was a petite little thing, she was also swimming breaststroke - apparently a local favorite. In true Asian fashion she simply joined us, forcing a 4th lane where there should be 3. After getting almost clipped by a kick from a passing swimmer, I gave up.

I was remorseful until I got to my room and realized I was off in calculating the timing of my morning routine! So, in the end I was delighted to have been "forced out" of the pool. I was only a few minutes late for breakfast.

Everything happens for a reason. More importantly, we should listen for messages in any given situation. There may not be a clear connection here, but that is in the fault of the storyteller. In the moment, I felt a clear message to wrap up my swim. When I came to appreciate the benefit of that message, I had no doubt but to assign credit to God for His gracious intervention. Had I continued swimming I would have undoubtedly inconvenienced others.

How often do we ignore the messages that are sent our way? It's so easy in our busy, noisy lives to focus on the hustle and bustle and ignore the quiet whispers that might nudge us one way or another. One of the things I enjoyed about being disconnected for 2 weeks (in a part of the world where English was limited or non-existent), was the forced period of solitude and introspection. Even in a crowd, I was alone. I could speak, but I couldn't make myself understood. I could hear, but I couldn't understand. I was forced to listen with my whole self.

God, I pray that my heart remains uncalloused; that my eyes may see and my ears may hear as You guide me on Your path. No matter where I go, may I remain connected to You. (Matthew 13:1-23)

I'm on my way...to China

2009-09-06T22:42:00.003-05:00

Work's been busy, no doubt. Conference calls in the morning and at night. And while I sleep? The team in Taipei is busy working, sending e-mail, filling my inbox. It's so easy to start every day with 30 minutes of "inbox clean-up". But I've been resisting the temptation and spending my early hours either in prayer or in pursuit of other challenges.

In the grand scheme of things, work is taking up way too much of my time. Case in point - I'm sitting in the LA airport killing time during a 6-hour layover on my way to China for the first proto-type build of the product I'm responsible for. I'm about 18 hours away from hitting the ground in Shanghai. From there I'll go to the factory for a meeting. Then to my hotel to collapse. I'm just guessing on that last agenda item.

I dream of what's next. What's next?

What's going on?

2009-08-26T11:21:00.003-05:00

Last weekend I attended the Women of Faith conference in Dallas. As with all Spirit-filled retreats, the event triggered a time of reflection - "what's next". Friday morning I woke up at 4:30am and was out the door by 5:30am, on the road in what proved to be a joyful period of solitude. But not really alone - alone with the Spirit.

During the 10-3:30 portion of the conference I remained "alone" - in fact I didn't catch up with the women of CEC until just before dinner. For the evening portion, we climbed to the highest possible row in the arena. A nosebleed seat, yes, but we reassured ourselves that we were closer to God.
The praise music was uplifting, but at the end of the day I wasn't sure what I was supposed to be hearing in the message. There was a lot more pushing of WorldVision than I needed to hear. I blame my lack of TV-watching but I felt like I'd paid to be subjected to an infomercial. Sitting as high as we were, it was harder to feel connected and it was challenging to stand up and fully appreciate the music (dizzying vertigo was a constant risk).

The evening ended with a performance by Steven Curtis Chapman, which counts as a high note. He was joined by his teen sons and his wife sent tweets - a wonderful family affair. Following @womenoffaith on Twitter definitely added to my experience.

Day 2 included a Tweet-up experience. During the lunch break there was a gathering of Tweeters. I met and added "followers", Jeanette was able to visit with Sheila Walsh (the only speaker who joined the Twitter crowd), I met Michael Hyatt (publisher) and I won the door prize (a bag of books & 1 CD):
Guys Are Waffles, Girls Are Spaghetti by Chad Eastham
Redefining Beautiful by Jenna Lucado
Take Your Best Shot by Austin Gutwein
Knockout Entrepreneur by George Foreman
Beautiful Mess The Story of Diamond Rio
Relentless CD by Natalie Grant

Since the conference, I've been wading in the warm introspective waters of prayerful consideration. I'm feeling more liberated than I have in a long time. I'm focusing on freeing myself from anxiety. Every time I sense that knotting in my stomach I remind myself that anxiety is a reflection of faithlessness. I trust God and I'm ready to make a move. Nothing dramatic, mind you, but I have to keep stepping out in faith or I'm stagnant.

Before the conference I submitted an article that was published in the August issue of the Trumpet. The editor liked it, but suggested a different angle. Last week I submitted the rewrite and the changes were well-received (praise God!). I'll know more next week.

Meanwhile, I'm writing with renewed commitment and vigor. I *must* not let work take over my life. I have to set boundaries and respect those boundaries. I have to let some things (and some people) fail as I limit my time and energy to what falls within my boundaries.

In a week I'll be leaving for a 2-week trip to China. I hope & pray for this to be an opportunity for massive progress on writing projects.

Meanwhile, my blogs may remain a little neglected. I'll post as inspiration strikes, but mostly I'm jotting notes in a long-hand journal. Very old school but very rewarding.

Peace,

Thanks for stopping by

2009-08-17T11:51:00.005-05:00

I recently enjoyed a visit from a blogger friend (Barbara) who was passing through town. I'm delighted that she and her daughter were able to stop by, even if I wish they could have stayed longer.

I feel that way about visitors to my blog, as well. I'd like to invite everyone to stop in and stay awhile. And if this site doesn't suit you, come visit the oasis. I wish I could spend time getting to know each of you. To offer you a drink (coffee? tea? cocktail?) and maybe a nosh. To hang out for a bit swapping stories about how we got here, wherever here may be.

Bless you all on your journeys. Thanks for stopping by.

Sunday's Study: Judges 12 - Jephthah, Ibzan, Elon and Abdon

2009-08-16T20:46:00.002-05:00

Today's study wraps up Jephthah's time as judge and his successors Ibzan, Elon and Abdon. It is noteworthy that the text shifts from referring to times of peace under the leadership of the blessed judges, to just highlighting the years of leadership (Jephthah, 6; Ibzan, 7; Elon, 10; & Abdon, 8). Jephthah's time was not peaceful but he was clearly blessed by God.

Next, we'll dive into the story of Samson.

Café Chat August 14th

2009-08-14T18:01:00.003-05:00

Today's topic: Operating outside of your "spiritual comfort zone."

As I thought about this topic, it occurred to me that each individual's "walk of faith" is the progressive result of continually stepping out of their spiritual comfort zone. If we stay in our comfort zone, we are stagnant, unchanging, not growing as Christians and probably not fulfilling our calls or our purpose. God has a purpose for each of us and we can't fulfill it if we're hiding from our destiny.

This blog was, at one time, a place where I operated outside of my comfort zone, but that is no longer true. I am very comfortable talking about my faith here. Twitter (I'm aka "yougottawonder") is often a place where I step out in faith - posting status updates based on scripture or based on my faith. But, alas, nothing dire ever happens as a result so it's becoming more and more comfortable to be open there, too.

Now I'm pushing new boundaries, and I've been flirting with ways and means to continue to grow and challenge myself - stepping outside of my comfort zone. A biggy has been the video blogs. Last week I took another step, telling an OT bible story from my heart.

I believe that if we're comfortable, we're not serving Him. It's when we grow uncomfortable that our faith is most likely to be tested and rewarded.

Sunday's Study: Judges 11 - The Story of Jephthah

2009-08-09T15:42:00.003-05:00

Today's study is a "redo" of last week's story, only this is a free-form telling of the tale. Watching myself on video is a good exercise. In the future, I will try to reduce the number of "and's," "so's," "basically's," etc. when I'm retelling these stories.

I swear, the Old Testament is better than anything on television. I want to do these stories justice.